þThe árotherhood of Gíds and âetardsþ
                                ®present¯
                     "How to Get Out of the COPS Jam" 
                            by Deadly Amoeba
      
      
      First of all this file only applies to people under the age of 17.  
Everyone knows that it is impossible to get yourself out of a harsh 
situation when you are over the age of 17.  In other words if you're 18, 
and you're caught, you are Fucked with a capital F.
 
      Ok when you're out at night committing a simple crime, such as
shoplifting, you need to keep in mind that if the cops are after you 
they have radios and helpers.  You may not even notice it, with all your
adrenaline, that the cop behind you is leading you into a "Trap".  Here's 
what you do.  

        At first sight you are in 2 situations.  The patrol car may not
know it is you who committed the crime.  So you are walking and the cop car
roles behind you (remember the cop is looking for something unusual about 
you) he will rev his engine.  In a normal situation and you are innocent the 
regular reaction would be to move away from the revving engine, because a 
innocent human has nothing else on his mind except possibly getting hit 
by some hotshot behind him revving his engine.  So you make sure you use 
"Normal Reaction".  After you've moved away an innocent humans "Normal 
Reaction" would be to look back and see what "all that commotion is about".  
Once you see that is a police vehicle your "Normal Reaction" would to keep 
an eye on car until it moves out of sight.  Here's where it gets tricky.  
You have too keep your walking speed just the same as you were going before 
you had first sight.  Cops WILL notice little things like that.  The car is 
right next to you at this point and you will be looking strait toward it.  
Do not falter on your stare into the Cops eyes.  The best thing to do is to 
look just above his eyes, look at his eyebrows, hair, hat, etc.  If all goes 
well the cop will get a solid sense of security in you and you've gotten away 
with it.  When the cops is out of sight GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE AS FAST AS 
YOU CAN!

        The second situation is when the Cop is notified that it is you
who committed the crime.  They may spot you by your clothing or your general 
looks. Keep in mind again the communication among cops.  They police officer
questioning the store owner can communicate the info on what you look like
to the intercepting cop car.  So you are walking along and the cop car roles
in behind you.  The officer has in his mind from his training that 70% of 
criminals will run at sight of his car and 89% of criminals will run when
the cop says, "come here I wanna' talk to you for a second". Now the decision
is ??where to run??.  Here's when evolutionary science comes into play. Have
you ever seen those nature shows where Lions start running after some animal.
Well where do these stupid creatures naturally go?  They run strait away in
a subconsciously chosen direction.  Now back to the real scene.  The cop has
already picked out that line of where you ARE going to run.  In a normal 
"Stupid Criminal" case the line the cop has picked will be the correct one.
But not you, you are much smarter, you won't run the obvious line.  The 
obvious line will take you right to another police car for your arrest.
Generally running away from the cop (like a stupid animal being chased by
a lion) is a smart idea.  Trust me when I say this, you have a better chance 
of getting away running TOWARDS the cop then away.  Either run towards the
cop or in a unique direction that you think the cop had no idea of.  Picture 
the cop exiting his car...you are running away...he gets out and is already
running after you from his sitting position.  If you run in a unique 
direction the cop might have to swing himself around the car door, or the 
entire car for that matter.  So the whole point in using your head when being
chased is to increase your chances of getting away.

        There are some other points that you may need to know of while 
running.  EVERY county in the United States has a K9 division.  So if you are 
in a wooded area, DO NOT stop and hide.  If you do, consider yourself doomed.
In a city area, if you are a smart runner, the police WILL bring in the 
Helicopter Air Patrol.  Sure you've seen the systems inside these helicopters
on the television program "COPS", but the FCC will not let a crime stopping
system be shown on TV before it has been in services for more then 2 years. 
The city helicopter stuff is really HIGH TECH.  I think they have something
similar to INFRA RED, but it only records movement.  In a city case you 
might be forced into a housing to get away from the helicopters lights, your
chances against a helicopter or being in a house are the SAME, something like
a 20% chance of a getaway at this point.  

        So your thinking "why run in the first place".  Well I'll tell you.
You ARE a juvenile right?  Well laws pertaining to "resisting arrest" are a
lot different if you weren't a minor.  So RUN RUN RUN and RUN some more and
see if you can't get away with it, using your mind more then your feet.

        One more thing, I heard this story of this guy who got caught 
because he was wearing those basketball sneakers that light up when they hit
the ground...Please I ask you--DON'T BUY THE FUCKING THINGS.