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TUCoPS :: Wetware Hacking :: Others :: bullshit.txt

How high-school jock airheads become high-paid executives through bullshitting...




Are you an executive? Do people follow you around and kiss your ass all
day long? If so, then chances are that you're pretty good at bullshitting.
Bullshitting is the act of putting on the appearance that you know what
you're talking about. I do it, you do it, everyone does it. Executives just
happen to do it very well. 

Everyone at one point in their lives will work for an asshole. It's inevitable.
Where do they come from? These sages of bullshit, weilding uncanny
powers to deceive and exaggerate? From college of course! 

Throughout grade school you may have noticed several distinct categories
of people. There are always head-up-their-ass jocks, slutty cheer leaders,
nerds, and drop outs. After high school, the jocks realize that they're
completely worthless and decide to go to college to justify their existence.
Once in college, they take all the bullshit classes like philosophy, english,
accounting, and anything business related. Three years into college, they
decide to get a business major, and graduate to become a manager
somewhere. Rather than taking any classes in school that require more
than a pulse to graduate, they take the easy route and get a BS degree in
business (bullshit). 

All the asshole jocks that gave you a hard time in school end up being your
boss at work! To add insult to injury, they get paid ludicrous amounts of
money to pretend to know what they're doing! They'll sit around with their
thumbs up their asses in their huge offices, and give you absurd requests
to accomplish the impossible, taking all the credit for it if it's good, and
they'll still have the gall to bitch about it if it's not. They'll pick on you to feel
better about themselves and they'll go home early every day. Every
potential holiday is milked for all it's worth, giving them an excuse not to
come in. All the while they preach bullshit about integrity in the work place
and professionalism-- usually after going to a strip club for lunch. 

When it comes down to results, they can bullshit like no other. Using
obscure business jargon to make themselves sound intelligent during
meetings. If you should catch them in one of their complex fabricated
contradictions, they'll either call it a policy or deny it all together. Cowards.
All of them. It's ironic how little any of them know about anything. If put into
any other real-world scenario, they would die instantly. They have no skills,
no natural talents. Nothing. Only the ability to bullshit and kiss ass... and
sometimes that's all they need. 

It truly doesn't matter what you're capable of, but who your friends are at
work. How much work you do is inversely proportional to how big your
salary is. The next time you're stuck at work in a stuffy office, forced to
listen to some asshole rattle off meaningless bullshit, ask them this
question: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Bulge your
eyes and stand up for the best effect. 

The room will grow quiet and everyone will look at him. He'll be directly put
on the spot. He won't have anything to say. Then ask the people in the
room "Does anyone really know what the hell's going on? All you people
ever do is babble about meaningless bullshit and nothing ever gets done.
You can't justify anything you've said, ever, and I'm not going to take this
anymore." Then say "You're all full of shit. Admit it." Gradually, they'll all
admit that their entire career is a sham and that they are completely
worthless. Just once I'd like to hold up a sign during a meeting that says in
big black letters "YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT. SIT DOWN." I can't believe how
easily these bastards get away with it.. none of them know what they're
talking about. NOBODY DOES. Worthless.


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