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TUCoPS :: Cyber Culture :: realpir1.txt

Real Pirates #1 (humor)




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- +                                 + -
-       REAL PIRATES VOLUME III       -
-                                     -
-        -WRITTEN BY THE WHIP-        -
- +                                 + -
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     The following is a list of what a
pirate is or isn't.  In many cases,
you will find similar experiences in
your own pirate life.  As you see,
this text is formatted in 40 columns,
which brings us to the first instance:
 
     REAL PIRATES do not care what the
width of a text was formatted in.  They
can handle anything.  Therefore, all of
you 80 column owners, bare with it.
The Apple II/II+ will be around for
long time.
 
     Real pirates realize that piracy
is not a crime; it is the only solution
 
     Real pirates do not get paranoid
of Sierra On-line's copy violation
warning: $50,000 fine and/or
imprisonment.
 
     Real pirates don't worship hires
pictures.
 
     Real pirates can't afford a Hayes
modem because they know it's not worth
the money.
 
     Real pirates never made the
mistake of buying a Hayes modem.
 
     Real pirates don't try to use
Disk-fer with their Hayes modem.
 
     Real pirates don't pick 'answer'
mode in Disk-fer simply because they
know that they will get their disk
first.
 
     Real pirates can send without
recieving.  (Give without taking.)
 
     Real pirates don't get I/O errors
on half their disks.
 
     Real pirates don't use generic
disks.
 
     Real pirates don't use their
apples for testing plant growth and
temperatures.
 
     Real pirates don't replace their
fish tank with "Fishies."
 
     Real pirates know what they have
in their library.
 
     Real pirates don't delete
something for everything they get.
 
     Real pirates don't buy software so
they can be the first to crack it.
 
     Real pirates don't waste their
money on software because they know
it's not worth it.
 
     Real pirates know that Pole
Position for the Apple will never come
out.
 
     Real pirates don't make prank
phone calls.
 
     Real pirates don't advertise their
bbs/ae/catsend lines without keeping
them up.
 
     Real pirates run a bbs/ae/catsend
line 24 hours a day or they don't run
one at all.
 
     Real pirates have two phone lines.
 
     Real pirates realize that they
asked for it when they get a call for
their bbs/ae/catsend line at the wrong
time of the day.
 
     Real pirates know that the South
Pole is located in the U.S.A.
 
     Real pirates don't put their names
and numbers on other pirate's wares.
 
     Real pirates don't put their
friends names on a crack just to make
him/her/it well-known.
 
     Real pirates do not pollute their
wares with numerous names, groups and
numbers.
 
     Real pirates do not update their
whole system and collection to Prodos.
 
     Real pirates never run out of disk
space.
 
     Real pirates don't trade their
Apple II/II+/IIe in for a IIc.
 
     Real pirates don't bug other
pirates for "new wares."
 
     Real pirates don't freak out when
they meet a female pirate.
 
     Real pirates are not conceited.
 
     Real pirates don't make mommy buy
the blank disks.
 
     Real pirates know how to spell.
 
     Real pirates don't play Stickybear
ABC.
 
     Real pirates are not racists.
 
     Real pirates do not hang out on
homo-sexual based bbs's.
 
     Real pirates can find in their
collection what they know they have.
 
     Real pirates are not in a hurry to
collect all of the Trillium shit.
 
     Real pirates have alternate ways
of copying Time Zone other than by
modem.
 
     Real pirates don't turn a file
into a full disk so they can slap their
tacky title page on to it.
 
     Real pirates don't join groups so
they can become well-known.
 
     Real pirates don't need a reason
to have access to a certain board or
bbs.
 
     Real pirates do not brag to
computer illiterates that they can
break into banks, etc. now with their
new modem, when they know they can't.
 
     Real pirates don't waste their
time and money driving miles to see
other pirates.
 
     Real pirates do not brag of their
alcohol/drug use; sexual desires and
experiences; and or suicide attempts.
 
     Real pirates do not know how many
disks they have, and do not care to
hear the notion of how many disks that
another pirate has.
 
     Real pirates don't make obnoxious
noises, sounds, moans, groans, and
tones while on a conference line.
 
     Real pirates don't get other
pirates in trouble.
 
     Real pirates don't bill other
pirates. (Unless he/she/it has done the
same to you.)
 
     Real pirates don't spend their
life typing in text-files. (Which is
why this one is almost done.)
 
     Real pirates do not have to read
files like this one, they know what
they are already.
 
     And finally, Real Pirates are not
pirates at all; They don't kill for
their reputation...they earn it.
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    Written by: The Whip  02-10-85
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         Call these hang-outs:
         ---------------------
 Homer Bros. Catsend:      312-665-0264
  The South Pole:         312-677-7140
   The Outpost:          312-441-6957
    The Greek Inn:      312-774-2035
     Apple Manor:      716-654-POOF!
 
   Leave me E-mail at the Greek Inn
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FROM:  THE GHOST SHIP ][ (408) 259-7194
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