AOH :: XMASFILZ.TXT|
The Xmas Files - Mulder and Scully investigate Santa Claus sightings
The Xmas Files by Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely
The Place: 37 ELM STREET
The Time: 11:51 PM, DECEMBER 24TH
Fox Mulder: We're too late! It's already been here.
Dana Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing.
M: Look Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir,
truncated, mounted, transfromed into a shrine; halls decked
with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with
S: You really think someone's been here?
M: Someone, or SOMETHING.
S: Mulder, over here, it's fruitcake.
M: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
S: It's OK. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's
naughty and nice."
M: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
S: Who? What are you talking about?
M: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could
travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants.
Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is
said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and
punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.
S: But that's legend, Mulder--a story told by parents to frighten
children. Surely you don't believe it?
M: Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks
on this gingerbread man. Whaterver tore through this plate of
cookies was massive --and in a hurry.
S: It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass
has been completely drained.
M: It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
S: But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
M: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its
S: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and
windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.
M: Unless I miss my guess, it came in through the fireplace.
S: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature
landd on the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy.
The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get down
M: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions
S: You mean like a bowl full of jelly?
M: Exactly, Scully. I've never told anyone this, but when I was
a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long
white shanks of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its
bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror.
I turned away, and when I looked back it somehow took on the
facial features of my father.
M: I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought
me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW THAT I WANTED A MR.
S: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws
of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being
who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little
girls and boys. Listen to what you're saying. Do you
understand the reprecussions? If this gets out, they'll close
M: Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows
when you're awake.
S: But we have no proof.
M: Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescops detected
bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White
House ordered a Condition Red.
S: But that was a meteor shower.
M: Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandanavian reindeer
vanished from the National Zoo, in Washington, DC. Nobody--
not even the zookeeper--was told about it. The government
dosn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They fear
that if this thing is proved to exist the public will stop
spending half its annual incom in a holiday shopping frenzy.
Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let the
world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake.
They'll do whatever it takes to ensure another silent night.
S: Mulder, I--
M: Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear? On the roof. It sounds
like...a clatter. The truth is up there. Let's see what's the
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