Whose Line is it Anyway? is a British game show that tests the wits
   of four contestants by making them engage in a series of
   improvisations. The host, Clive Anderson, moderates the improvisations
   and gets suggestions for characters, situations, emotions,
   film/theater styles, and song styles from the studio audience.

   
   In the US, Comedy Central shows episodes from the years 1988-1994.
   Comedy Central has been screwing with the schedule recently, so check
   their web site for the most up-to-date times.

   In Canada, the YTV network has started airing WLiiA Sunday through
   Thursday nights at 8:30, and Friday night at 10:30 (EST). Their Web
   site *should* be http://www.ytv.ca (Thanks to Bernie Roehl
   (broehl@sunee.uwaterloo.ca) for this information!)

   There's an episode guide in the Tardis database, but the 1994 episodes
   aren't listed. I'm planning to update and expand this, but first I
   have to get all of the shows on tape (I'm missing nine).

   
  
  HOW IS IT SCORED, AND WHAT DOES THE WINNER GET?



   There's no regulated scoring system; Clive Anderson scores it
   according to his whim. If he really likes something, he'll award a
   million (or three million) points. If he doesn't, he'll give it
   one-half point. Middling improvs are given a middling number of
   points. He's been known to penalize contestants for making fun of his
   personal traits (receding hairline, lack of a neck). As the host of
   Party Quirks, Tony Slattery has often lost all his points by
   failing to guess all the quirks.

   The winner (or winners) gets to read out the credits in the manner of
   Clive Anderson's choosing. The manner has ranged from "in the style of
   two cheerleaders" to "in the style of Sir Anthony Hopkins."

   
   
   WHO ARE THE CONTESTANTS, AND WHAT ELSE HAVE THEY DONE?



   Contestants are usually stand-up comics, but there has been the
   occasional actor. The earlier shows featured an all-Brit lineup; later
   shows integrated American and Canadian contestants, and there have
   been two or three series of shows called WLiiA? in America that were
   taped in New York and had mostly American contestants.

   Many of the contestants have appeared with the Comedy Store Players.
   In Richard Vranch's article about the Comedy Store Players in
   Britcomedy Digest, he writes that the current players are Neil
   Mullarkey, Paul Merton, Richard Vranch, Josie Lawrence, Lee Simpson
   and Jim Sweeney. All of these people have appeared on WLiiA? Guest
   players (who substitute if one of the regulars has to miss a show)
   have included Greg Proops, Mike Myers, Andy Smart, Tony Hawks, Mike
   McShane, Siobhan Finneran, Caroline Quentin, and Tony Slattery.


   Clive Anderson, host
          Credits: "Clive Anderson Talks Back", Guest Presenter for
          "Points of View" and "Wogan", "Notes and Queries", "British
          Film Awards" '93, Comic Relief '89, Comic Relief '93.
          He's just started in a travel/exploration series called Our
          Man In... on BBC2 where he travels to exotic locations.



   Richard Vranch, a member of the Comedy Store Players, provides the
   musical improvisation in the appropriate games. The High Priestess
   writes that he does get to speak when he appears at the Comedy Store,
   "and is just as funny - He also has a PhD in Nuclear Physics
   apparently. He went on tour with Paul Merton last year, they did lots
   of sketches from Paul's tv show. He stripped off to a red bikini and
   tiara in part of the show......."

   
   The Contestants:


   John Sessions
          (credits - from the Tardis database), who was a regular
          contestant on the early shows and shared top billing with Clive
          Anderson

   Josie Lawrence
          Member of the Comedy Store Players; has a great singing voice
          and can improvise in almost any musical style
          Credits: Tv -- "Not With A Bang", Hysteria 1992, "Celebrity
          Mantlepiece", "Heroes of Comedy", "Pebble Mill", "Gamesmaster",
          "Comic Strip Presents", Comic Relief '89, "Josie". Movies --
          The Green Man and Enchanted April.

   Greg Proops
          Originally from San Francisco; frequent Party Quirks host and
          usually the first Superhero. In late 1995, Greg and his wife
          returned to the US because "[t]he Department of Employment
          refused to renew the American comic's work permit on the
          grounds that he had apparently not been seeking employment in
          his own country. This violates immigration rules which state
          that American workers in the UK must also make themselves
          available for jobs in their homeland. Proops and his wife ...
          are expected to return to Britain in the New Year." (from
          Britcomedy Digest, 11/3/95)

   Ryan Stiles
          "From Canada by way of Los Angeles" (whatever that means).
          Plays Drew Carey's sidekick in "The Drew Carey Show," which
          premiered in Fall 1995 in the US.

   Colin Mochrie

   Mike McShane
          The "man-mountain," who teams up with Josie Lawrence to do some
          of the funniest duets I've ever heard (cat litter tray, old
          boiler) (credits as Michael McShane)

   Paul Merton
          From the Comedy Store Players, a deadpan British comic with
          amusingly little musical talent; has a knack for upstaging
          everyone else. According to The High Priestess, "he started on
          tv in the Young Ones, had a bit part as an exploding peasant in
          "Time". Then WLIIA, his own sketch show, various bit parts. He
          is best known here for Have I Got News for You, which is a
          satirical quiz show about the week's news. ...He also does lots
          of radio, including a classic programme called The Masterson
          Inheritance, which is improvised."

   Sandi Toksvig
          Upon being teased about her height by CA, went up to his desk
          and yelled, "Sorry, I couldn't hear that, BALDY!" (After which,
          as Vicki Asato reminded me, Paul Merton added, "Are you bald or
          is your neck blowing bubbles?" to which Clive responded, "I'm
          not bald, I'm just taller than my hair.")

   Tony Slattery
          Specializes in double entendres and smutty suggestiveness; does
          lots of commercials (from what Clive says), and has appeared
          with the Comedy Store Players.


   Chip Esten
          A master of improvisational singing; has played Buddy Holly on
          stage.

   Jonathan Pryce
          Best-known in the US for doing Lexus commercials; he starred in
          Brazil and stars as Lytton Strachey in Carrington, for
          which he won the Best Actor prize at Cannes.

   Stephen Fry
          One-half (more or less) of Fry and Laurie; he even has his own
          Web page. (and he uses a Mac!)



   Whose Line is it Anyway? Lyrics and Skit Transcriptions
   

   
   Bartender



   Ryan Styles tells Josie Lawrence that he's in love with his teddy
   bear
   (Josie hands Ryan a glass)
   Ryan: It's not alcohol, is it?
   Josie: No, just apple juice.
   Ryan: I've got a friend
   He's kind of new
   He likes me and I don't know what to do.
   He talks to me and sometimes he begs.
   It's hard to turn down that little furry thing between my legs.
   (Josie turns to look at Clive with a shocked expression on her face)
   Josie: You really are a very silly fellow.
   Teddies shouldn't go down below; they should remain on the pillow.
   If you keep putting him there he'll get all nasty and wet,
   so don't keep doing it -- just use a neighbor's pet!
   (Ryan cracks up and Josie puts her hands over her mouth)

   Tony Slattery tells Josie that he's upset about his middle name
   Tony: I've got a middle name and I feel malicious
   Cause my parents called me Patricius
   This middle name - it's such a heavy load
   And when I say it, I can feel my... testicles explode!
   Josie: You've been drinking far too much - make sure you don't get in
   a car
   And remember - it's not the name your momma and dadda give you that
   matters
   It's the person in*side* that you are
   So be proud, Patricius; go on, take my flattery
   It's much better than being called
   Tony Slattery!

   Songs



   The Sex Hoedown

   Greg Proops
          Oh I'm a randy bugger, I really get around
          I like to have a shag with everyone in town
          I have lots of fun, I'm as happy as can be
          And that's cause my name is Tony Slattery

   Colin Mochrie
          I love making love - I do it every day
          My girlfriend's a contortionist; we do it every way
          It's really quite remarkable the ways that she can bend
          She also is a psychic - she foresaw her own end!

   Ryan Stiles
          Livin' in the country, there's really not much to do
          I love to grab anything and have a real good screw
          I guess it's really bad - I guess it's kind of sad
          But my girlfriend looks at me and says, "Hey, you're not
          baaaaaad!"

   Tony Slattery
          Oh I'm a little kinky, my panties are made of fur
          I like to stay in evenings, just me and my cucumber
          And then I pull my pants down and start to paint my tush
          And dress up in leather and squat on Barbara Bush!
   
   Greg Proops
         "When I came to England I met me a man
          He was shiny and bald, his name was Clive Anderson
          There was some confusion, I said 'Where's the freeway?'
          He said, 'No, you silly twat, it's called a motorway'"

   Colin Mochire
          "I use the motorway each and everyday
          It really turns(?) a lot like work it really is not play
          I got hit badly and why do you suppose?
          I got rear ended by a guy picking his nose"

   Ryan Stiles
          "Driving home from work can be lots of fun
          Driving down the highway when your work is done
          I like to watch the bugs as they splat against the glass
          The last thing going through their minds is their big fat ass"

   Tony Slattery
          "I like the sound of motorways when things go splat
          I look out my car window and I've run over a cat
          The one thing that I hate, the worst thing in my life
          Is the stupid bastard who designed the M-25"



   Love Song about a Cat Litter Tray

   Mike McShane and Josie Lawrence

   speaking   (Mike) Come here, I want to show you something.
   (Josie) What is it?  (Mike) Look, see what she did!  (Josie) Awww...
   (Mike) You know, we're perfect for each other because we're both such
   cat lovers.

   singing    (M) I love watching them squat on the edge of the tray,
   all day.     (J) I love watching them do their little brown poo, ooh
   ooh.         (M) Who ever thought that feline defecation     Could be
   such a swell and singular sensation  (J) Who ever thought that our
   love would glitter   Just standing here looking at shit in cat litter
   (M)There are lives with love - don't cover it up     (J)Don't cover it
   up   (J)Litter my life with love, and don't ever stop        (M)Don't
   ever stop    (J)I love you, and that is that - just like the poo from
   our favorite cat..   (both)Litter our lives  With love

Prison Visitor
Josie visits Tony, who has stolen a plane

Tony:
I got a problem -- I'm in such pain
I stole myself a gigantic plane
I don't mean to bore you, I don't mean to rant,
But I put a seven-forty-seven down my pants
I tried to walk away in a straight line
But I


Josie:
Now I think you must be insane (Tony: Uh-uh-huh)
What a silly place to put a plane (Tony: I know...)
You know what I think...
You're gonna be a long time in this clink
You're gonna die and go to heaven
Cause it ain't no good where you stuck your seven-four-seven


Josie visits Mike, who has stolen a grandfather clock
Mike:
You know my grandfather clock in the house
The one with the family of the cute brown mouse
Well, my grandfather died and he willed it to me
They took it away from me, I took it back
They took it away, and I ran away Jack
Now I stole the clock -- what can I do, baby?

Josie:
I can 'ide the grandfather clock
I can shove it up my bum
But I'll be in a lot of pain
From the swing of the pendulum
I know what I'll do -- I'll hide it in my frock
So don't you worry, I'll get you your grandfather clock-clock-cl-cl-cl-clock


Song Styles

Mike McShane about a train set, in Disco style

You know you been here too long baby
You know you better act your age
When you get on my love train
Well you better have the right gauge
It gets a rollin' a head of steam
It makes it early, ya know what I mean
I'm talkin' love train (love train)
Love train (love train)
Love train (love train)
Love train (love train)

I'm the engineer - this is my hat
I'll open up the throttle, you know where it's at
Let the lights go round and round inside
I'm guaranteed for a first-class ride
When we're done, you'll have your fun
On the love train (love train)
Love train (love train)
Love train (love train)
Love train