AOH :: SIMP.TXT
Episode guide to "The Simpsons" -- fairly detailed and comes complete up to the "Flaming Moes" episode
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The Simpsons Program Guide
12/17/89 7G08 23:06 Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
The Simpsons prepare for the holidays, but it's rough sledding for
household-head Homer, who's forced to resort to desperate measures
when his Christmas bonus is canceled and Marge's family money goes
to erase the tattoo son Bart thought would be a perfect gift.
Note: this episode actually aired before the Simpsons TV show
officially began (the following January) and, although repeated
in the rotation of Simpsons episodes, should not be considered
the first episode of the first season.
===============================================================================
SEASON ONE
1. 1/14/90 7G02 23:04 Bart the Genius
Board: I will not waste chalk
Couch: Bart pops up and over TV
Bart is moved to a school for gifted children after he switches
aptitude tests with another boy, who is assigned to vocational studies
in dishwashing.
2. 1/21/90 7G03 23:05 Homer's Odyssey
Board: I will not skateboard in the halls
Couch: Endtables pop out and couch collapses
After being fired from the nuclear power plant for negligence, Homer
becomes a safety activist, facing a crisis of conscience when his
former boss tries to silence him with a new position and a raise.
3. 1/28/90 7G04 23:06 There's No Disgrace Like Home
Board: I will not burp in class
Couch: Homer pops out
Familial bliss is the order of the day at Homer's company picnic,
where seeing families actually being nice to each other inspires
Homer to order the Simpsons to a family therapist, as advertised on TV.
4. 2/04/90 7G05 22:36 Bart the General
Board: (none)
Terrorized by the school bully, Bart seeks counsel from "the toughest
Simpson alive," but Grandpa Simpson defers to a warfare expert, who
emphasizes troop strength, training discipline and strategy.
5. 2/11/90 7G06 23:03 Moaning Lisa
Board: I will not instigate revolution
Couch: Maggie pops up and into the arms of Marge
The meaning of life and her existence in the second grade have Lisa
playing the blues solo - until she jams with a kindred spirit. Mean-
while winless Homer seeks tutelage from the Champ to beat Bart at
video boxing.
6. 2/18/90 7G09 23:03 Call of the Simpsons
Board: I will not draw naked ladies in class
Couch: The family fits snugly into the couch
The Simpsons put the camp back in camping when their RV goes over a
cliff, leaving Marge and Lisa to keep the shelter fire burning while
Maggie makes her time bearable, and Homer and Bart go for help.
On the subject of editing, a few things were edited from the show:
- just before they took off in the camper, there had been a shot of
the inside of their house, completely emptied; everything was
supposedly packed in the RV.
- when at their campfire, Marge says something to the effect of
"well, now would be a good time to answer any big questions you
may have, such as about the facts of life". Lisa says she has
heard some fairly startling things around the playground, and
Marge responds that they were probably true.
7. 2/25/90 7G07 22:56 The Tell-Tale Head
Board: I did not see Elvis
Couch: Bart pops up and over TV
Bart pulls a stunt that shocks the entire town, including the question-
able new friends he was trying to impress.
8. 3/18/90 7G11 23:03 Jacques to be Wild* (Life on the Fast Lane)
Board: (none)
Homer's birthday present "for Marge" is a bowling ball, prompting
Marge to teach him a lesson by taking up the sport - and maybe also
a handsome instructor.
* This was going to be called "Bjorn to be Wild", but the guy who was
to do the voice of Bjorn (Albert Brooks) couldn't do a very good
Swedish accent, so they made the character French instead.
9. 3/25/90 7G10 23:01 Homer's Night Out
Board: I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
Couch: Endtables pop out and couch collapses
Bart receives his mail-order CIA spy camera just in time to capture
Homer dancing - naked to his (ample) waist and stuffing bills into
a dancer's cleavage at a bachelor party.
10. 4/15/90 7G13 23:01 The Crepes of Wrath
Board: Garlic Gum is not funny
Couch: Homer pops out
A little story about how Bart saves France after blowing up Principal
Skinner's mom with the classic cherry-bomb-down-the-toilet.
11. 4/29/90 7G12 23:05 Krusty Gets Busted
Board: They are laughing at me, not with me
Couch: Maggie pops up and into the arms of Marge
No one is sadder than Bart when his TV hero Krusty the Clown is
arrested for a convenience-store robbery, and witness Homer has to
testify against the clown.
12. 5/13/90 7G01 Some Enchanted Evening
Board: I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
Couch: The family fits snugly on the couch
Homer takes Marge to a hotel in order to put a little romance
back in their lives, but the babysitter he gets to watch over
the kids turns out to be the notorious "Babysitter Bandid" (voice
of Penny Marshall)
==============================================================================
SEASON TWO
1. Oct 11 1990 7F03 - Bart Gets an "F" (2nd season premiere)
Board: I will not encourage others to fly.
Couch: Nobody pops out, but couch falls through floor.
Bart is in danger of failing the 4th grade -- he gets help from the
class brain, he prays for divine intervention (and gets it), but it
doesn't seem to help -- or does it? It did, and our hero passes (but
just barely)
2. Oct 18 1990 7F02 - Simpson and Delilah
Board: Tar is not a plaything.
Couch: They all walk like Egyptians and slide in.
Homer tries a new drug that promotes hair growth (paying for it with a
questionable health insurance claim), and it works wonders for him and
his career -- becoming a junior executive at the power plant, getting
a secretary/benefactor (voiced by Harvey Fierstein), and getting more
respect -- until Bart spills the drug.
3. Oct 25 1990 7F04 - Treehouse of Horror (The Simpsons Halloween Special)
Board, Couch do not appear this week
Three tales of terror: the haunted house (shades of Amityville here),
the abduction by a UFO (featuring "How to Cook Humans" -- or was it
"How to Cook for Forty Humans"?), and a splendid retelling of Poe's
"The Raven", with the immortal line, "Quoth the Raven, 'Eat my
shorts!'"
4. Nov 1 1990 7F01 - Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish
Board: I will not Xerox my butt.
Couch: Couch turns into a sofa bed, and they all lay down.
Bart catches a 3-eyed fish downstream from the nuclear plant. The
resulting pressure causes Mr. Burns to run for governor, and he nearly
succeeds -- until Marge serves up a special dish for him.
5. Nov 8 1990 7F05 - Dancin' Homer
Board: I will not trade pants with others.
Couch: Maggie ends up in Marge's hair.
Homer becomes a baseball mascot, "Dancing Homer", for the local minor
league team. He gets a chance to do his thing in the big leagues in
Capital City.
6. Nov 15 1990 7F08 - Deat Putting Society
Board: I am not a 32 year old woman.
[ASIDE: No, but Bart's voice, Nancy Cartwright, is]
Couch: All of them make it, even the dog and cat.
As a result of their fathers' feud, Bart and the neighbor boy battle
it out for the miniature golf championship -- the loser's father has
to mow the lawn in his wife's Sunday best!
7. Nov 22 1990 7F07 - Bart vs. Thanksgiving (The Simpsons Thanksgiving Show)
Board: I will not do that thing with my tongue.
Couch: They wake up Grandpa Simpson, who was sleeping on the couch.
Another Thanksgiving at the Simpson household, with the whole family
together to see Bart ruin Lisa's centerpiece, after which he's sent to
his room. Refusing to apologize to Lisa, he sneaks out the window and
eventually ends up on the "other side of the tracks" at a rescue
mission. He returns home, has second thoughts, and eventually
apologizes to Lisa.
8. Dec 6 1990 7F06 - Bart the Daredevil
Board: Did not appear this week
Couch: Tips to left, Maggie is flung off and lands on the right end
of the couch, which had broken off.
An examination of our culture's fascination with pro wrestling,
monster truck shows and daredevils. Bart sees a daredevil show and
decides to become a skateboard jumper. His goal: to leap over
Springfield Gorge. Not even a trip to the hospital can dissuade Bart
from his goal. As he prepares to jump, Homer arrives and begs him not
to do it, threatening to jump it himself. Bart comes to his senses
and decides not to jump. Unfortunately for Homer, he accidentally
jumps -- with painful results.
After the show, the "Do the Bartman" video was aired for the first
time. Catchy song, and the video's pretty decent too. You'll have fun
seeing what you can pick out (look for several old favorites). Full
credits ran after the video -- they did NOT air when MTV aired it a
half-hour later.
Note: A longer version of the episode aired in Canada the week of
Feb. 25 to March 1. There are several additions to the episode,
including the blackboard message, "I will not drive the principal's
car" and a scene where we meet "Ms. Monster," a woman monster truck
driver ("Another barrier broken," says Lisa).
9. Dec 20 1990 7F09 - Itchy & Scratchy & Marge
Board: I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
Couch: The couch is missing, everyone looks confused.
Is Maggie getting bad ideas from watching Itchy & Scratchy? Marge
thinks so after Homer gets bopped on the head, and she organizes a
protest against the cartoons. The movement gathers strength -- they
disrupt Krusty the Clown's show (and not even Sideshow Mel and
Corporal Punishment can stop them) -- and ultimately succeeds. The
new cartoons are full of caring and sharing, and in Bart's opinion,
they suck. All around town, TV's are turned off as the children
discover there are other things to do. BUT -- when Michaelangelo's
"David" comes to town, there is a movement to ban it, which Marge does
not support. She admits that, although one person can make a
difference, he or she probably shouldn't.
10. Jan 10 1991 7F10 - Episode 23: Bart Gets Hit By A Car
(title appears on screen)
Board: I will not sell school property.
Couch: Homer squeezes everybody else out.
While skateboarding, Bart is hit by Mr. Burns's car and has a
near-death experience (featuring both heaven and hell). He's not hurt
too badly, but an ambulance chasing lawyer persuades Homer to sue
Burns for a million dollars (bending some facts in the process). The
trial starts off well for our heroes, so Burns offers to settle for
$500,000, which Homer refuses. While out of the room, Burns and
Smithers overhear Marge mention the deception. They make her testify
the next day -- Burns wins the case. Homer's love for Marge is
tested, but fear not: he loves her more than ever. (NOTE: This show
was frequently referred to internally as "Bart Goes to Hell.")
11. Jan 24 1991 7F11 - One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Bluefish
Board: I will not cut corners. (the opening sequence WAS shortened slightly)
Couch: They all get in, it tips over backwards, Maggie peeps over.
Tired of the same old stuff, the family goes to the Happy Sumo sushi
restaurant. Homer is reluctant at first, but he really goes for the
sushi. In the karaoke bar, Bart and Lisa belt out the theme from
"Shaft" (and earlier, "Richie Sakai" does "Gypsies, Tramps and
Thieves" -- an in-joke). Homer asks for the blowfish, which is
poisonous if not cut properly. The junior chef cuts it -- apparently
improperly. Homer is told he has 24 hours to live, so he makes a list
of things to do (a man-to-man with Bart, listening to Lisa's sax,
making a video for Maggie). He spends the afternoon with his father,
but on the way home he's pulled over and jailed. Friend Barney bails
him out; they go to the bar for one last round. At last Homer returns
home for a final evening with his family. He pulls out the tapes of
"The Good Book" (as read by Larry King) and falls asleep. In the
morning, Marge discovers him -- he's alive!
12. Jan 31 1991 7F12 The Way We Was
Board: I will not get very far with this attitude
Couch: They all make it, but the couch falls through the floor.
When the TV quits on them (during a "Siskel & Ebert"-type movie show),
Marge remembers the good old days when she and Homer first began to go
out. But first, when did Homer propose? When the doctor told them
Marge was pregnant (with Bart). We flashback to 1974 and Springfield
High: Marge Bouvier is active in women's lib protests and debate, and
Homer is -- Homer. They both get detention one afternoon, which is
where they meet. It's love at first sight for Homer, who tries to win
her over. He joins the debate team (where his rebuttal argument is a
moon shot) -- no luck. He asks for French tutoring from her, she
accepts, and things seem to go well. But he reveals that he faked his
interest in French, so Marge gets upset and leaves. The next day, she
does poorly at the debate tournament. Artie (the winner) asks her to
go with him to the prom, and she accepts. It's a heck of a scene at
the Bouvier household when both Homer and Artie show up for Marge;
Homer leaves in disgrace. Marge and Artie are crowned King and Queen
of the prom. Off to Inspiration Point, where Artie tries to take
advantage of Marge; he is rewarded with a slap in the face. Returning
home, they pass Homer who is walking home (he discharged the limo
driver). Later, she returns for him -- the start of a long
relationship. Bart's last word: Gag!
13. Feb 7 1991 7F13 Homer vs. Lisa and the Eighth Commandment
Board: I will not make flatulent noises in class.
Couch: They walk like Egyptians and slide in
Homer pirates cable TV -- Lisa has a big problem with that. She sees
the entire family going to hell for it. In the meantime, Homer
invites his buddies over to watch the big fight. Bart charges
admission for the neighborhood kids to watch the adult Top Hat channel
(but he's caught). On the night of the fight, Lisa continues her
silent protest. All this eventually gets to Homer, so he leaves and
joins the family outside. After the fight, he cuts the cable, but not
before blacking out the neighborhood.
14. Feb 14 1991 7F15 Principal Charming
Board: I will not belch the National Anthem.
Couch: turns into sofa bed, and they all lay down.
Marge's sister Selma is tired of being single (she had celibacy thrust
upon her), so Marge enlists Homer's help to find Selma a man, and he
reluctantly agrees. After Bart burns his name into the schoolyard
grass, he is ordered by Principal Skinner to have Homer come down for
a talk. During the talk, Homer decides to fix Selma up with Skinner,
so he invites Skinner to dinner one evening. However, Skinner falls
in love with Selma's twin sister Patty (the feeling is not immediately
mutual). Things gradually begin to happen between them, which makes
Selma even more unhappy but pleases Bart; he can get away with
anything at school now. Selma goes out with Homer's friend Barney out
of desparation. Skinner proposes to Patty, but she turns him down,
not wanting to abandon her sister. Dejected, Skinner realizes what
Bart has been doing -- next day, Bart is resodding the entire
schoolyard.
15. Feb 21 1991 7F16 Oh Brother, Where Are Thou?
Board: I will not sell land in Florida.
Couch: Maggie gets into Marge's hair.
After watching a bad McBain movie, Grandpa Simpson has a mild heart
attack. While at the hospital, he tells Homer about the half-brother
he never knew (the mother was a carnival girl). Homer discovers that
his half-brother is really Detroit auto tycoon Herb Powell, who
invites the Simpson clan to his estate. Turns out they look very much
alike (which explains the odd treatment Homer got on the drive in).
They all get along very well. Powell Motors is in trouble, so Herb
asks Homer to help design a car for the average person. His
suggestions are rebuffed at first, but after Herb gives him some
confidence, there's no holding back Homer (although the engineering
team wishes he would hold back). The grand unveiling of the new Homer
($82,000 sticker) is a disaster; Powell Motors is sold to the
Japanese, and Herb is bankrupt. As far as he's concerned, he has no
brother.
16. Mar 7 1991 7F14 Bart's Dog Gets an 'F'
Board: Did not appear.
Couch: All of them make it, even the animals.
Santa's Little Helper is being a VERY bad dog. He rips up Homer's
paper; he breaks his collar and cavorts around the neighborhood,
taking a dip in a neighbor's pool; he eats Homer's meal off the table;
he destroys Homer's new $125 Assassin shoes. Something must be done,
so they enroll him in an obediance school run by Emily Wintrhop
(voiced by Tracey Ullman), who says the most important words in
training dogs are "choke chain." Meanwhile, Lisa has come down with
the mumps. To pass the time, Marge takes out the Bouvier family
quilt. All the women have added one panel to it -- Marge's was "Keep
On Truckin'", and Lisa's is a tribute to her musical mentors.
Unfortunately, "Satan's Little Helper" is not learning much in class;
he goes after Homer's cookie and destroys the quilt. This is the last
straw for Homer, who threatens to give the dog away. Bart doesn't
want this to happen, so he works even harder to train the dog. Cut to
the night before the dog must go: Bart plays with him for one last
time, then has an emotional farewell scene -- fortunately for the dog,
he finally understands basic commands! At graduation, all Ms.
Winthrop can say is "Son of a bitch!"
The video for "Deep Deep Trouble" premiered after the episode, living
up to the standards of "Do The Bartman." The episode ran short
tonight to allow for the video; presumable a longer version will air
in the future.
17. Mar 28 1991 7F17 Old Money
Board: I will not grease the monkey bars.
Couch: They startle Grandpa Simpson.
This show focuses on Abraham J. "Grandpa" Simpson, who finds true love
late in life -- as a result of mixed up medications. He meets Bea
Simmons, and together they find true love and happiness. He gets her
a shawl for her birthday, which also is the day Homer and family come
for their monthly outing. Grandpa doesn't want to go, but is dragged
along to Discount Lion Safari. Homergets off the path and stuck in the
mud, and the car is surrounded by several ferocious lions. They're
stuck until daybreak. When Grandpa returns home, he gets bad news:
Bea died last night of a broken heart (literally). Turns out she was
wealthy, and she left him $106,000. He won't give any to Homer, but
he doesn't know what to do with it. So, he decides to give it away to
the person with the best idea. And what ideas -- Grandpa hates them
all, except for Lisa's idea to give it to the less fortunate. But
$106,000 isn't enough, so he decides to build it up at Plato's
Republic casino. Homer catches up with Grandpa and prevents him from
betting it all on one number. Good thing, because he would have lost.
In the end, the money is spent on the nursing home -- it's a nice
place now, where the dining hall has been named for Bea Simmons. A
nice episode.
Something new in the credits this week: after each actor's name was a
list of the voices he/she did in the episode.
18. Apr 11 1991 7F18 Brush With Greatness
Board: I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
Couch: It tips, end falls off, Maggie lands on it.
As a result of Krusty the Clown doing his show at Mt. Splashmore, Bart
and Lisa pester Homer to take them there. The non-stop nagging works,
and the family spends an afternoon there. While Marge watches Maggie
in the wading pool (big life jacket), Bart, Lisa and Homer ride the
"H2-WHOA!" slide, using devious ways to jump the line. Homer gets
stuck on the way down; rescuers must cut him out of the tube. This
embarrassment convinces him to go on a diet. While in the attic
looking for his old weights, he and Bart find Marge's paintings of
Ringo Starr, done while she was in school. As Marge recalls, her art
teacher didn't care for her work, so to prove him wrong, she sent one
of the paintings to Ringo (no response). She decides to take an art
class at the community college. The instructor is impressed with her
"Bald Adonis" (Homer in underwear passed out on couch); she enters it
in a local competition and wins. This catches Burns's attention, as
he's looking for someone to paint his portrait and has run out of
artists in town. Meanwhile, Homer's making progress in his diet; the
donuts are really piling up at work now! Meanwhile, over in England,
Ringo is answering fan mail -- from 1966!! He picks up a package --
it's Marge's painting. Back in Springfield, Homer celebrates the loss
of more pounds. Unfortunately, Burns ridicules him, so Marge asks him
to leave, then destroys the painting. She stops Homer from breaking
his diet. Themail comes -- it's a letter from Ringo! He likes the
painting and thinks she's good. Inspired, she finishes the Burns
painting, which is unveiled at the dedication of the Burns Wing at the
museum. The painting shows Burns naked. As Marge explains, she's
showing that beneath his gruff personality lies a frail old man. The
painting is well received -- Burns doesn't hate it.
19. Apr 25 1991 7F19 Lisa's Substitute
Board: Did not appear.
Couch: It was missing.
Lisa's teacher, Ms. Hoover, comes down with Lyme disease, so she's
replaced by a substitute, Mr. Bergstrom (voiced by Dustin Hoffman, who
is credited as "Sam Etic"). His teaching methods are unorthodox, but
they get through to Lisa, who develops a big-time crush on him. It's
a near-perfect teacher-student relationship. Meanwhile, Bart (who's
been showing video of Snowball giving birth and doing a blowfish on
the door) runs for class president against Martin. The campaign seems
to be going very well for Bart. Later, Lisa goes to the museum with a
reluctant Homer. They meet Mr. Bergstrom there; Lisa is embarrassed
by her father. When she goes to invite Mr. Bergstrom to dinner, she
is startled: Ms. Hoover is back! And she wasn't too happy with
Bergstrom's methods. Lisa runs out of the classroom to look for him.
She meets up with him at the train station, where they have an
emotional farewell. She calls him the best teacher she'll ever have.
He gives her a note, which she reads after the train leaves. It says,
"You are Lisa Simpson." Meanwhile, the day of the election, Bart
seems to have the election in hand. BUT . . . turns out only 2 people
bother to vote, and they vote for Martin! At dinner that evening,
Lisa gets very upset with her father, calling him a baboon several
times over. At Marge's insistence, Homer goes to console Lisa; before
long, her faith in him is restored. He cheers up Bart, and he puts
Maggie's pacifier back in her mouth. Now it's time to go to bed, he
tells Marge; he's on the biggest roll of his life.
20. May 2 1991 7F20 War of the Simpsons
Board: I will not do anything bad ever again.
Couch: Homer pops everyone else out.
Homer and Marge throw a party for the neighbors. Homer has too much
to drink and makes a fool of himself (wearing a lampshade, leering
down Maude Flanders' dress, etc.); Marge is very upset. She goes to
church alone the next morning, though Homer eventually shows up.
Turns out the church is sponsoring a marriage retreat up at the lake,
and Marge signs up Homer and herself. The babysitter for the kids
arrives, but flees in terror when she recalls Bart trying to run her
down as a toddler -- in a car! Grandpa Simpson is left to do the
babysitting honors, and the kids take advantage of him (Bart with
gusto, Lisa with misgivings). They eventually hold a wild party at
the house. Meanwhile, up at the marriage retreat, the participants
discuss the faults of their partners (Marge takes up most of the day
talking about Homer). The next morning, Homer goes fishing (against
Marge's wishes), hoping to catch Gen. Sherman, the biggest catfish in
the lake. After a 6 hour struggle, he does! But he throws it back in
order to save his marriage. They return home to find a mostly
spotless house. Up at the lake, they still talk about Homer, who
almost got the big one.
21. May 9 1991 7F21 Three Men And A Comic Book
Board: I will not show off (written in Old English script)
Couch: Tips backwards, Maggie peeps over.
Bart and Lisa go to the comic book convention. Bart tries to get in
for a discount as "Bartman", without success. Inside, the guest of
honor is Buddy "Fallout Boy" Hodges, who doesn't really want to talk
about the old "Radioactive Man" TV show. Later, Bart, Martin and
Milhouse pass a dealer who's selling Radioactive Man #1 for $100.
Unfortunately for Bart, he only has $30. Bugging Homer for the money
doesn't work, so he decides to do some odd jobs (bottle collecting,
lemonade, nickel beer -- till the cops come). He does some chores for
Mrs. Glyph (voiced by Cloris Leachman), an elderly neighbor. Battered
and bruised, scarred by iodine, his reward is 50 cents. At the comic
store, Bart meets Martin and Milhouse; they decide to pool their money
and buy Radioactive Man #1. Only one problem: who's going to keep it?
Unable to agree on this, they spend the night in Bart's treehouse
guarding it. Bart has become paranoid about the comic; he ties up
Martin and fights with Milhouse. The fight ends with Milhouse in
danger of falling from the treehouse and the comic in danger of
blowing away. What does Bart choose? He saves Milhouse, and the
<comic book is runied>.
22. <Bart gives blood to Mr. Burns>
<When Mr. Burns needs a blood transfusion, it turns out Bart is the
only one available with the same rare blood-type. With visions of
riches being heaped upon them, Homer urges his son to go through
with it. The transfusion takes place, and the Simpsons go unrewarded.
Angrily, Homer writes a nasty note to his boss, but has second
thoughts and decides not to send it. But Bart does. Homer is frantic
to get the letter back, but to no avail: Mr. Burns reads it and
promptly fired Homer. He tells Smithers to get some boys to rough
Homer up a bit, but Smithers shames Mr. Burns into seeing the error
of his ways, and Mr. Burns buys the Simpsons a rather strange gift.>
==============================================================================
SEASON THREE
1. Sept 19 1991 7F24 Stark Raving Dad
Board: I am not a dentist.
Couch: Tips back, crashes through wall
Bart is awakened by Lisa one morning, who's hinting that her 8th
birthday is 2 days away and that she wants a good gift from Bart. At
the breakfast table, Maggie leaps onto the ceiling fan (Bart was too
busy calling the Krusty Hotline to watch her). The laundry is done --
it's all pink, thanks to Bart's cap. Homer has to wear a pink shirt to
work, where non-white shirts are frowned upon. Sure enough, he's
caught and given the 3rd degree (Burns calls him a free-thinking
anarchist). He is given a personality test to fill out, a job he
pawns off on Bart. The test is analyzed the next morning, and it's
bad news: Homer is declared insane and sent to New Bedlam asylum. His
roommate is a big white guy who thinks he's Michael Jackson (voiced by
Jackson, who is credited as "John Jay Smith"). Homer's never heard of
Jackson or his work, not even the moonwalk. They strike up a
friendship. MJ calls home for Homer, who can't, and Marge comes to
the rescue. He's declared NOT INSANE and gets to go home. Turns out
MJ can leave as well, so Homer invites him to come home, too. Bart
can't keep the secret, and word spreads all over town. It's the
biggest thing Springfield has seen since the Dalai Lama's visit in
'52, and the entire town turns out to greet them. Naturally, they are
disappointed when they see MJ. And Lisa is very disappointed; her
birthday didn't go well at all, and Bart forgot to get her a gift.
When MJ learns of this, he convinces Bart to write a song for her
(with some help from MJ). The next day, Bart and MJ perform the song;
Lisa says it's the best birthday present ever. MJ's work is done; he
returns to his true identify of Leon Kompowski, a bricklayer from
Paterson, New Jersey. It seems he's spread a lot of cheer when he's
adopted MJ's identity.
2. Sep 26 1991 8F01 Lisa Goes to Washington (by George Meyer)
Board: Spitwads are not free speech
Couch: All make it -- Homer sits on the dog, who whimpers
Along with several sweepstakes offers, Homer receives a free issue of
Reading Digest in the mail one day. Unimpressed at first, he becomes
totally engrossed in it; he can't put it down. Inside the magazine is
an announcement for an essay contest for children. The prize is an
all-expenses paid trip to Washington DC for the finals. Lisa enters
the contest, but only after riding through Springfield National Forest
for inspiration (provided by a bald eagle, among other things). At
the city finals, Lisa's essay comparing America to the forest wins --
she's going to DC! The flight is uneventful, except when Bart causes
the oxygen masks to deploy, causing a panic. The family takes a taxi
to get to their hotel -- the Watergate. When passing the IRS, Homer
lets out a big "BOO!" (one worker yells "Boo yourself" back!) They
are impressed with the room; however, Homer's not impressed with a 2
AM wakeup call, courtesy Bart and Lisa. As finalists, they receive
VIP passes enabling them to go on special tours (like the White House
bathroom -- while Barbara Bush is bathing -- the Mint and the
Smithsonian, where Bart climbs into the "Spirit of St. Louis").
Meanwhile, on Capitol Hill, Springfield's Congressman meets with a
lobbyist representing a logging company who want to destroy
Springfield's forest. It takes a bribe to close the deal -- the dirty
deed goes down at the Women's Memorial Hall. But Lisa sees it all;
her faith in America is destroyed. She writes a new essay, "Cesspool
on the Potomac". When she reads it at the contest, the audience boos.
However, it sets in motion a chain of events that result in the
Congressman being arrested and expelled from Congress. Lisa doesn't
win, but her faith in the system is restored.
3. Oct 03 1991 7F23 When Flanders Failed
Board: Nobody likes sunburn slappers
Couch: They walk like Egyptians (a.k.a. "Simpson Shuffle") and slide in.
Homer's mowing the lawn -- with a weed-whacker borrowed from neighbor
Ned Flanders, who invites Homer and the family over to a barbecue
party. Homer won't go to it (he's jealous of their success), but the
rest of the family goes and enjoys themselves. After getting a whiff
of the BBQ, Homer and dog make their appearance at the party. Later,
Flanders explains the reasons for the party: he's quitting the
pharmaceutical business to open a store for left-handers and
left-handed products. Homer and Flanders make a wish over a wishbone;
Homer's wish is for Flander's business to go belly-up. The wishbone
breaks in Homer's favor. While gloating about that, he chokes on the
BBQ (Flanders saves him). Major subplot this week: Bart takes karate
lessons at the Springfield Martial Arts Academy. He's not impressed
with the curriculum, so he starts cutting classes; he acts like he's
still going to class, threatening Lisa with the "Touch of Death".
Meanwhile, business isn't going well at all for Flanders; even thieves
won't steal his stuff. On several occasions (with Moe, with Burns,
with a lost bill collector), Homer could have sent some business
Flanders' way, but he didn't. The result? Flanders closes the store,
sells the furniture (much of it to Homer for $75) and loses the house.
Meanwhile, Lisa is harassed by Jimbo and company, who steal her sax.
She wants Bart to use the Touch of Death on them and get her sax back.
His fraud is exposed, but Bart does his duty and gets the sax back
(and also gets hung on the basketball rim). Back to Flanders:
they're going to stay with his sister in Capital City. Homer regrets
making that wish now, and he tells Flanders to reopen his store.
Later, he calls up all the left-handers he knows and tells them about
the store. It's a miracle! The store is packed with customers.
Flanders thanks Homer, who leads a toast to Flanders. They go out
singing "Put on a happy face!"
4. Oct 07 1991 8F03 Bart the Murderer (by John Swartzwelder)
Board: Does not appear this week (not in the credits, anyway)
Couch: It's vanished, all are perplexed.
What promises to be a good day for Bart turns into a real bad day.
Homer's got the police badge from the box of cereal -- the dog ate the
homework (really, he did) -- Bart misses the bus, and it starts to
rain, ending when he arrives at school. It gets worse: His shorts
rip at recess; he forgot to bring the permission slip for the field
trip to the chocolate factory, so he spends the afternoon licking
envelopes for Principal Skinner. When he leaves school, it rains
again. He loses control of the skateboard and falls down the stairs
of the Legitimate Businessmen's Social Club, in reality a mob hangout
for Fat Tony (voiced by Joe Mantegna) and his associates. They
initially greet Bart with guns drawn but take a liking to him after he
calls the 3rd race (for "Don't Have a Cow"). Bart's now the bartender
at the club, and he starts to pull in some serious money. He turns
them on to Itchy & Scratchy ("The Sounds of Silencers" --
true-to-life!) -- he hides the cigarettes from the hijacked truck
(though Bart isn't told about the robbery). When he does learn, he
asks Tony if he's a crook. Tony weasels his way out of that one and
presents Bart with a new suit. Meanwhile, Marge has real doubts about
Bart's job (and the pizza van and the Flowers By Irene van don't ease
those doubts), so she asks Homer to check the place out. He reports
back; it's just a place for male bonding. Later, Bart gets into
trouble at school and is forced to write "I Will Not Bribe Principal
Skinner" on the blackboard over and over. This forces him to be late
to work -- Fat Tony is not happy. When Bart explains why he's late,
Tony and pals decide to pay Skinner a visit. The next day, Skinner is
missing! Bart is concerned; he has bad nightmares about it. He
decides to confront Tony about Skinner at the club; then the club is
raided and Bart is arrested for the murder of Skinner. During the
trial, Bart is made out to be the 10-year old Godfather of
Springfield. He's convicted and is sentenced to -- but wait! It's
Principal Skinner! He's alive. Turns out he was pinned under piles
of newspapers for over a week and had to use all of his wits to get
out alive. Case dismissed, Bart is spared. He's learned his lesson:
crime does not pay. Finally, we see "The Bart Simpson Story",
starring Neil Patrick Harris as the Bartman (Harris does the voice,
too).
Note: The Canadian version of this episode had a full-length opening
sequence. Bart's blackboard writing was "High explosives and school
don't mix", and Lisa's sax solo was different from the usual. The
actual episode was identical to the US version.
5. Oct 17 1991 8F04 Homer Defined (by Howard Gewirtz)
Board: Did not appear this week on Fox. In Canada, it said "I Will
Not Squeak Chalk", accompanied by the sound of chalk
squeaking.
Couch: Tips to left, end comes off, Maggie lands on it (on Fox);
big one-eyed green alien sitting on couch, hears them
coming, falls through trap door in floor, Simpsons pile onto
couch (in Canada). Lisa's sax solo is now different for
each episode.
It's breakfast at the Simpsons -- Homer's reading "US of A Today"
(which gets a few zings), and Bart's writing out a birthday card for
Milhouse. On the school bus, he gives Milhouse a present: a Krusty
the Clown walkie-talkie set. Bart believes that Milhouse isn't having
a party this year; actually, the party was the previous Saturday, and
everyone except Bart was invited (more on this later). Meanwhile,
it's a pretty normal day in section 7G of the nuclear plant (where
Homer works) -- Homer tries some donuts and takes a snooze, unaware
that the core temperature is rising dangerously. The alarms go off,
there's panic everywhere -- schoolkids duck and cover, people are
praying, the rats are fleeing -- but not Homer, for he's locked in.
He tries to remember his training; he searches through the operating
manual in vain, then finally uses the "eeney, meeny, miney, moe"
method to push a button -- fortunately, the correct one. The danger
is averted, and Homer is celebrated as the Employee of the Month (for
which he gets a plaque, a ham, a coupon book, a nice parking spot, and
a personal thumb-up from Burns). He even gets a phone call from Magic
Johnson (voiced by Johnson). Back to Bart: he's down in the dumps.
Even "Itchy & Scratchy" aren't funny anymore. Why? Milhouse's mom
has forbidden him to see Bart because he's a bad influence. Marge
talks to Milhouse's mother, and it does the trick; the boys are
friends again. Meanwhile, Homer doesn't like all the adulation he's
receiving (including Lisa's); deep down, he knows that he was just
lucky in spite of himself. Still, he goes ahead with a motivational
speech to the employees at the Shelbyville nuclear plant. Suddenly,
the alarm rings: the core is melting! Homer is taken to the control
room, where he solves this problem the same way he solved the first
one. It works, but he is exposed. From now on, whenever anyone
succeeds despite their idiocy, he's said to have "pulled a Homer".
Note: As originally aired on Fox, the opening sequence was very
short; the full sequence aired on Canada's Global network. Presumably
the Fox sequence was edited to allow time for the promotion of Michael
Jackson's new video (premiering on Fox November 14, and featuring
Bart).
6. Oct 24 1991 8F05 Like Father Like Clown (By Jay Kogen & Wallace
Wolodarsky)
Directed by Jeffrey Lynch with Brad Bird
Board: Did not appear on Fox (Canada: I will finish what I sta--
written once, trails into long line)
Couch: All save Bart sit in couch; Bart lands across everyone's lap.
It's another "Krusty the Clown" show as the episode starts -- in fact,
this episode revolves around Krusty. He is not a happy clown -- he
cancels out on dinner with Bart for the 5th time (this was to thank
him for proving he wasn't a thief in the first season). This provokes
Bart into writing a nasty letter to Krusty; this letter, plus some
goading from secretary Miss Pennycandy, makes Krusty honor the dinner
date. At dinner, Krusty is invited to say grace, which is does -- in
Hebrew. Yes, Krusty is Jewish (born Herschel Krustofsky), and he's
also estranged from his rabbi father (voiced by Jackie Mason). In
flashback, we see how Rabbi Krustovski wanted young Herschel to follow
in his footsteps and become a rabbi. But all Herschel wanted to do
was be a clown, which the rabbi thought would bring shame on the
family. At a Talmudic convention, Herschel is the entertainment (as
Krusty), but his father doesn't know this; when he does learn of it,
he disowns his son and casts him out. They haven't seen each other for
45 years. Bart and Lisa are touched by Krusty's story, and they seek
out Rabbi Krustofsky to encourage him to reconcile with his son. He
is unwilling to do this. Undaunted, the kids try calling in on
"Gabbin' about God", bringing them to Izzy's Deli, dressing as a
rabbi, and Talmudic arguments, none of which work. Their last effort
succeeds -- a quote from Sammy Davis Jr. The Rabbi realizes his
mistakes and goes to the studio, where father and son have an
emotional reunion.
Once again, the opening on Fox was shortened to make room for the
promo for the Michael Jackson video.
7. Oct 31 1991 8F02 Tree House Of Horror II (by Al Jean, Mike Reiss, Sam
Simon, Jeff Martin, George Meyer, John Swartzwelder)
(The Simpsons Halloweeen Special II)
No board or couch this week.
Just like last year, Marge delivers a parental advisory message. The
standard opening is replaced with another shot of graves at the
cemetary (Bambi's Mom, Jim Morrison, Cajun cooking, Walt Disney). As
the episode begins, Homer's doing door duty. Jimbo & Kearny come by
and threaten to egg the house unless they get some candy. They get
the candy, but the door still gets egged. The kids come home from
trick or treating ("Jackpot!" says Bart). Against Marge's advice,
they all overindulge, even Homer. They could have bad nightmares,
warns Marge. Turns out she was right; Lisa, Bart, and Homer have
nightmares. Lisa's nightmare involves a monkey paw that can grant its
owners 4 wishes. Those wishes are, in order: a new pacifier for
Maggie (personally delivered), wealth and fame for the Simpsons (with
a commentary on the whole Simpson phenomenon -- "The Simpsons Go
Calypso" on CD and 8-track, indeed!), world peace (which would be
great except that it lead to an alien invasion of Earth, and humans
were powerless to resist their slingshots and clubs), and a perfect
turkey sandwich (which wasn't). Flanders gets the paw, wishes the
aliens were gone, and becomes a hero. Bart's nightmare involves a boy
who could read minds and could make things happen just by thinking
them. He turns the cat into a flame-throwing monstrosity; he drives
the bus like a crazed lunatic; he has Principal Skinner serenading him
in class; history is rewritten to correspond with the answers he
gives; and so on. Why? He craves attention, says Dr. Marvin Monroe
(this is after Homer is turned into a jack-in-the-box). Father and
son should spend more time together, says the "good" doctor; and they
do. The nightmare ends with Bart saying "I love you, Dad.", at which
time Bart wakes up screaming. Homer's nightmare involves Burns and
Smithers playing Frankenstein. They need a brain to go into Burns's
mechanical worker, and it just so happens they pick Homer's brain.
But the experiment is a failure; the machine acts just like Homer and
is a complete goof-off. While restoring the brain back to Homer's
body, Burns kicks the machine, causing it to fall on top of him and
crush him. His dying wish to Smithers: get the surgical instruments
and ether . . . Homer wakes up screaming, goes to the bathroom, and
screams again: he's got a second head -- Burns's head! It's all a
dream . . . or is it?
Notice the ghoulish credits for this week: James Hell Brooks,
Malevolent Matt Groening, etc.
8. Nov 7 1991 8F06 Lisa's Pony (by Al Jean & Mike Reiss)
Board: Not shown in US. "Bart Bucks are not legal tender" was
shown in Canada.
Couch: Homer lays on couch, then everyone else sits on top of him.
It's the day of the talent show at school, and Lisa needs a new reed
for her sax. Homer promises to get it for her, but is sidetracked
into having a beer at Moe's and doesn't get to the store in time.
He's able to convince the owner to reopen and does get the reed, but
he's not in time; Lisa has to play with a bad reed, and she sounded
terrible (Bart did well with his impressions, though). Once again,
Lisa's lost faith in her father. Not even a spoonful of a Mount
Bellyache sundae can ease the hurt, and Homer vows to make it up to
her. After a great deal of difficulty (including applying to Burns
and Smithers for a loan) , he buys her a pony, which she names
Princess. She takes riding lessons at the stables -- but they cost
money. Everything about the pony costs money, and there's not enough
to go around. Homer's solution: take the graveyard shift at the
Kwik-E-Mart. Apu regrets that decision, and so does Homer; he's not
getting enough sleep. How long can he keep this up? When Lisa sees
what he's been doing for her, she makes the painful decision to get
rid of the pony. It seems there's a big dumb animal she loves even
more than the pony: her father.
9. Nov 14 1991 8F07 Saturdays of Thunder (by Ken Levine & David Isaacs)
Board: Did not appear.
Couch: All plop on couch, but cushions collapse on them.
Homer's watching TV (as usual) -- an informercial for some cleaner.
From time to time, Bart asks where some tools are. Why? He's
building a soap box racer. Meanwhile, Patty & Selma come over, and
they and Marge go to the beauty salon. While there, they find a test
on fatherhood in one of the magazines and suggest to Marge that she
give it to Homer. While they're away, Bart's still hard at work on
the racer, and Homer and Lisa go to the VHS Village (formerly the Beta
Barn) to rent a tape ("Football's Greatest Injuries"). Everyone's
back home, so Marge gives the test to Homer. He doesn't do well at
all; in fact, he gets a zero! Shamed by this, he calls the National
Fatherhood Institute for help (and gets some). He helps Bart with his
racer. On the day of the race, Bart is up against Martin and Nelson.
His racer pales in comparison to theirs. The race begins! Bart gets
out to an early lead, but Martin flies by everybody. His racer is
glowing red-hot by the time he reaches the finish line -- Martin wins!
But he can't stop -- he crashes and burns, breaking his arm in the
process. Since he can't race in the finals, Martin asks Bart to take
his place. Homer is upset when Bart tells him the news -- he feels
betrayed. He won't go to the race; perhaps he is a bad father after
all. But upon further reflection, Homer decides he's the perfect
father (hoo boy!) and goes to the race after all. Bart sees him
there, and he's inspired to do well. He wins the finals and takes
home the trophy. He also razzes Nelson for losing; his rationale is,
he's never won before and may never win again, so
nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! There's jubilation at the Fatherhood
Institute for another job well done.
The episode was shortened for the world premiere of Michael Jackson's
"Black or White" video, which featured Bart and Homer.
10. Nov 21 1991 8F08 Flaming Moes (by Rob Cohen)
Homer invents a drink and Moe steals it. Special appearances by
Catherine O'Hara and Aerosmith
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