LIST OF BART'S BLACKBOARD QUOTATIONS

  Openings are listed in the order in which they were first shown.  If an
  episode is not listed, either it did not have a blackboard quote the
  first time it was shown, or it used a repeated opening
 "x" after an episode number indicates it took place during the episode
 "*" indicates a note:

  7G02   I will not waste chalk
  7G03   I will not skateboard in the halls
  7G04   I will not burp in class
  7G06   I will not instigate revolution
  7G09   I will not draw naked ladies in class

  7G07   I did not see Elvis
  7G10   I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
  7G13   Garlic gum is not funny
  7G12   They are laughing at me, not with me
  7G01   I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom

  7F03   I will not encourage others to fly
  7F03x  I will not fake my way through life
  7F02   Tar is not a plaything
  7F01   I will not Xerox my butt
  7F01*  It's potato, not potatoe (This was used for the second airing, a
         reference to Dan Quayle's gaff while visiting a school)

  7F05   I will not trade pants with others
  7F08*  I am not a 32 year old woman (To put it another way, Nancy
         Cartwright is not a 10-year-old boy)
  7F07   I will not do that thing with my tongue
  7F06   I will not drive the principal's car
  7F09   I will not pledge allegiance to Bart

  7F10*  I will not sell school property (Also used in 7F14 - the only
         episode so far to use a "repeated" blackboard opening in its
         first showing)

  7F11*  I will not cut corners (It actually looks like this:
         I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS
         "  "    "   "   "   "
         "  "    "   "   "   ")
  7F12   I will not get very far with this attitude
  7F13   I will not make flatulent noises in class
  7F15   I will not belch the National Anthem
  7F16   I will not sell land in Florida
  7F17   I will not grease the monkey bars

  7F18   I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
  7F20   I will not do anything bad ever again
  7F21*  I will not show off (This was written in an "Olde English"-style
         font)
  7F22   I will not sleep through my education
  7F24   I am not a dentist

  8F01   Spitwads are not free speech
  7F23   Nobody likes sunburn slappers
  8F03   High explosives and school don't mix
  8F03x  I will not bribe Principal Skinner
  8F04*  I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk while writing
         this)
  8F05*  I will finish what I star (This appears on one line; the rest is
         blank)
  8F06   "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
  8F08   Underwear should be worn on the inside
  8F09   The Christmas Pageant does not stink
  8F10   I will not torment the emotionally frail

  8F11   I will not carve gods
  8F14   I will not spank others
  8F13   I will not aim for the head
  8F15*  I will not barf unless I'm sick (Lisa has a blackboard
         punishment of sorts during the episode; she has to clap
         erasers)
  8F15x  I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty

  8F17   I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
  8F19   I will not conduct my own fire drills
  8F20   Funny noises are not funny
  8F22   I will not snap bras
  8F23   I will not fake seizures

  8F24   This punishment is not boring and pointless
  8F18   My name is not Dr. Death
  9F01*  I will not defame New Orleans (New Orleans complained about the
         opening song in "Oh, Streetcar!")
  9F02   I will not prescribe medication
  9F03*  I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge wrote "I
         will try to raise a better child")

  9F05   I will not teach others to fly
  9F06   I will not bring sheep to class
  9F07   A burp is not an answer
  9F08   Teacher is not a leper
  9F09*  Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less and less legible;
         the last line is a scrawl)

  9F10   I will not eat things for money
  9F11   I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
  9F12   The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
  9F13   I will not call the principal "spud head"
  9F14   Goldfish don't bounce

  9F15   Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
  9F17   No one is interested in my underpants
  9F16   I will not sell miracle cures
  9F18   I will return the seeing-eye dog
  9F20   I do not have diplomatic immunity

  9F19   I will not charge admission to the bathroom
  9F21*  I will never win an Emmy (This was the first episode after
         1992-93 Emmy nominations were announced, the first time the
         show was eligible for "Best Comedy Series", but it wasn't
         nominated (the show has won "Best Animated Show" Emmys in the
         past)
  9F22   The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
  1F07*  All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (This was not written
        "line by line" like the others)
  1F08   I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause

  1F09   I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
  1F11*  My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man (A reference to
         "The Fugitive")
  1F10   I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
  1F14   I am not deliciously saucy
  1F15   Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

  1F16   The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
  1F18*  I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (This was first used
         for the 100th new episode)
  1F19   There are plenty of businesses like show business
  1F21   I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major
         League Baseball
  1F20   Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
  1F22   Beans are neither fruit nor musical