Title   : Updated Ferengi Rules of Acquisition List
  Keywords: FERENGI RULES ACQUISITION DEEP SPACE 9 DS9

  An update to FERENG04.TXT. I heard another rule on a DS9 rerun tonight
  that wasn't on the list. This is a compilation of the various Ferengi rules
  of acquisition files that are in this library. Credits go to the various
  contributors listed at the end of the file. Star Trek: Deep Space 9 and all
  things "Star Trek" are copyrights of Paramount Pictures.



  1) Once you have their money, never give it back.*
  2) You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.
  3) Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.* (corrected)
  4) Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough.
  5) If you can't break a contract, bend it.
  6) Never let family stand in the way of opportunity.*
  7) Always keep your ears open.*
  8) Keep count of your change.
  9) Instinct plus opportunity equals profit.*
 10) A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one.
 11) Latinum isn't the only thing that shines.
 12) Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
 13) Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
 14) Anything stolen is pure profit.
 15) Acting stupid is often smart.
 16) A deal is a deal.*
 17) A bargain usually isn't.
 18) A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.*
 19) Don't lie too soon after a promotion.
 20) When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.
 21) Never place friendship before profit.*
 22) Wise men can hear profit in the wind.*
 23) Never take the last coin, but be sure to get all the rest.
 24) Never ask when you can take.
 25) Fear makes a good business partner.
 26) The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their
     wealth; they stole it.
 27) The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you
     cut it down.
 28) Morality is always defined by those in power.
 29) When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying.
 30) Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.
 31) Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.*
 32) Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.
 33) It never hurts to suck up to the boss.*
 34) Compassion is no substitute for profit.
 35) You could afford your ship without your government--if it weren't for
     your government.
 36) Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore.
 37) You can always buy back a lost reputation.
 38) Free advertising is cheap.
 39) Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers.
 40) If you see profit on a journey, take it.
 41) Money talks, but having lots of it gets more attention.
 42) Only negotiate when you are certain to profit.
 43) Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.
 44) Never argue with a loaded phaser.
 45) Profit has limits. Loss has none.
 46) Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person.
 47) Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.*
 48) The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.*
 49) Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent.
 50) Never bluff a Klingon.
 51) Never admit a mistake if there's someone else to blame.
 52) Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas.
 53) Sell first; ask questions later.
 54) Never buy anything you can't sell.
 55) Always sell at the highest possible profit.
 56) Pursue profit; women come later.
 57) Good customers are a rare as latinum--treasure  them.
 58) Friendship is seldom cheap.
 59) Free advice is seldom cheap.*
 60) Never use credit where your words will do.
 61) Never buy what can be stolen.
 62) The riskier the road, the greater the profit.*
 63) Power without profit is like a ship without an engine.
 64) Don't talk shop; talk shopping.
 65) Don't talk ship; talk shipping.
 66) Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for
     it.
 67) Anyone asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve.
 68) A piece of latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer's pocket.
 69) Profit is the better part of valor.
 70) Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the
     merchandise.
 71) Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there
     is profit.
 72) Revenge is profitless.
 73) A contract without fine print is a fool's document.
 74) A warranty without loop-holes is a liability.
 75) Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.*
 76) Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your
     enemies.*
 77) There is a customer born every minute.
 78) Cheat long and prosper.
 79) He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them.
 80) Genius without opportunity is like latinum in the mine.
 81) A pair of good ears will wring dry a hundred tongues.
 82) The family of Fools is ancient.
 83) There's many witty men whose brains can't line their pockets.
 84) An empty bag cannot stand upright.
 85) Wish not so much to live long, as to live well.
 86) Drive your business or it will drive you.
 87) Death takes no bribes.
 88) If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don't tell it to a
     friend.
 89) Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship.
 90) He's a fool who makes his doctor his heir.
 91) He who drinks fast pays slow.
 92) Mine is better than ours.
 93) When the boss comes to dinner, it never hurts to have the wife wear
     something.
 99) Never trust a wise man.

105) Wise men don't lie, they just bend the truth.
101) Never do something you can make someone do for you.
102) Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.*
103) Sleep can interfere with opportunity.*
104) Money is never made. It is merely won or lost.
109) Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.*
111) Treat people in your debt like family... Exploit them.*
116) Never sleep with the boss' wife unless you pay him first.
117) Never sleep with the boss' sister.
118) Never cheat a man offering a decent price.
119) Buy, sell, or get out of the way.
123) A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a
     customer.
125) A lie isn't a lie until someone else knows the truth.
126) A lie isn't a lie, it's just the truth seen from a different point of
     view.
138) Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.
139) Wives serve; brothers inherit.*
140) The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more.
148) Opportunity waits for no one.
163) A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn't.
164) Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's.
172) If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.
180) Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.
188) Never bet on a race you haven't fixed.
189) Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing.
194) It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk
     in your door.
202) A friend in need is a customer in the making.
203) When the customer dies, the money stops a-comin'.
208) Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish,
     and you lose a steady customer.
214) Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach.*
215) Instinct without opportunity is useless.
216) Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself.
221) Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.
222) Knowledge is latinum.
223) Rich men don't come to buy, they come to take.
240) The higher you bid, the more customers you drive away.
250) Never let a female in clothes cloud your sense of profit.
251) A smart customer is not a good customer.
252) Let the buyer beware.
253) Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.
281) Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell.
282) Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner.
283) Rules are always subject to change.
284) Rules are always subject to interpretation.
285) No good deed ever goes unpunished.*
290) Always count their Latinum before selling anything.
291) The early Ferengi gets the Latinum.
292) Diamonds may be girl's best friends, but you can only buy the girl with
     Latinum.
293) A Ferengi in need, will never do anything for free.	

	*Rules which have been quoted on Deep Space Nine.

The author wishes to thank the folks who have posted rules on CompuServe and
Genie and those who sent them in  to us (including Martin Higgins, Marshall
L. Moseley, Jeremy Nichols, Greg Coody, Robert Larson, Richard H. Brown, M.J.
Vasko, Dan Bass, Susan Fox-Davis, Richard Writer, Susie Bauer, John Chase, R.
Scott Spradlin and others) for reporting and/or creating these words of
Ferengi wisdom. Material copyrighted to the original authors, and its
inclusion here is not meant to be a violation of any copyright laws.
Additional rules will be added to the list from time to time. Suggestions for
additional rules would be welcomed. Corrections and revisions would be
welcome as well.