Canonical Tasteless Sex List [S]

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SCREWING A LIVE PIG UP THE ASS AND THEN CUTTING ITS THROAT -
oshaughj@p4.cs.man.ac.uk (Jamie O'Shaughnessy):
Screwing a pig (live) up the arse while it is having it's throat
cut and it's blood spews all over you.

SCROG, AURAL SEX -
sex with another's ear hole.

SCRONKING -
pashdown@javelin.sim.es.com (Pete Ashdown):
scronking: v. The act of inserting the male genitalia up the throat of
trachiotomy patient, or torsoless head.  Derived from "screw" and "honking",
due to the similar look of a honking goose; eyes bulged, mouth wide open, with
a fully erect "toungue-like" object protruding between the gaping teeth.
Sound effects optional.

kevin@howdy.cc.columbia.edu (Kevin Harris):
I don't know, but for some reason, when I say this word aloud,
I visualize a very old dog - hemorrhoids inflamed - *scooting*
almost audibly across a dusty, glass - strewn vacant lot in the
heat of a summer's day.

tclark@Apple.COM (Tom Clark):
Sounds like a good description for getting shit on while going in
the back door:
        "So I was screwing her in the ass and she SCRONKED all over me!"

raj@netcom.com (Roger Lee):
isn't that when a woman pile-drives a corpse of a drowned man?

01sybok@ac.dal.ca:
In order to "skronk" you need a male vict^H^H^H^H partner. You yourself have to
be a female (this could be the female equivalent to "squicking"). What you do
is tie said male up, and gently sever the scrotal sac from the body, making sure
the spermatic cords are still intact. You then use the contents of said
spermatic sac as the organic equivalent of Ben-Wa Balls. Of course, as the
lovely lady begins to writhe with pleasure, she would almost certainly start to
strain on the spermatic cords, thus causing her "little friend" even more agony.
Just as the first waves of agony from the severing of the scrotum begins to die
down, the agony from the tugs on the spermatic chords would begin.

perez@mgr.hjf.org (Charles Perez):
How about the attempt to pork someone's head through his nose? You will
probably need to cut some or all of the nose away, and your prick
will have to be smaller than average. How much cranium would get in
the way? Gives new meaning to the term "boning".

geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM:
As I mentioned several months ago, this is best done with a severe
cocaine addict whose nasal septum has been eaten away, thereby creating
one large nostril in place of two small ones -- thus enabling the
individual to accomodate an erect penis.

I didn't apply a name to this activity at the time, but "scronking" makes
an unusually good fit because it reflects the noise the person would
probably make as the turgid Pleasure Piston (tm) plunged in and out of his
nasal cavity -- sort of a hollow, donkey-like gurgling. "Fnork, fnork,"
something along those lines.

The nose hairs might have to be trimmed back prior to insertion, unless
a large amount of mucus is present.  In that case, the nose hairs would
tend to enhance lubricity rather than detract from it, and would add an
extra cilia-like dimension to the sensations received.  This effect would
be maximized if the mucus in question was the thick, yellow variety that's
present during severe head colds -- the kind that resembles Lepage's
mucilage or perhaps Elmer's wood glue.

A condom would of course be advised unless the active individual was a
regular partner.  Gonorrhea of the sinuses is particularly difficult to
detect in its early stages, when treatment with industrial-strength
antibiotics is most effective.

Also, it must be noted that the recipient of said affections would be at
increased risk for labial bruises resulting from repetitive scrotal impact.

jjj@merlin.anu.edu.au:
How about the act of drilling the appropriate sized hole into a rock
and employing said hole in a sexual manner?  Think of the rough particles
massaging every bit of your ManTool (TM).  Think of being one with the rock.
Think of your blood lubricating the hole, making it more pleasurable.


SCROTUM INSUFFLATION -
A small slit is cut in the skin of the scrotum.  A tube is inserted, and the
scrotum is inflated.  Said to cause unspeakable pleasure.  Bonus points because
this can be life threatening due to air embolisms and nasty infections.
Real name unknown.

SIXTY-NINING A STARVED PIG -
case@diku.dk:
I'd suggest you got into a 69 with a starved pig, then you can bite it in its
balls while it consumes your nob.

SKULL FUCK, BRAIN SALAD SURGERY -
sex with a hole in someone's skull: possibly an empty eye-socket, possibly
the result of a trepanation.  This act may entail risk of catching "kufu".

SLIPPING THE SALAMI TO A SUCKING CHEST WOUND -
self explanatory.

SLUGGING -
kurt@grogatch.celestial.com (Kurt Cockrum):
The snot exuded by some species of slugs up here in the Pacific Northwest
is the most tenacious stuff I've ever seen; it's a bitch getting it off of
your hands.  If you put the critter in the microwave for about 10 seconds,
so that it's internal temparature gets up to about blood heat, and then let
it crawl around for a while on the head of your dick, you can fix yourself
up just fine with a "permalube" that will last at least as long as the teflon
coating on aluminum frying pans.  The best part, of course, is that it's a
renewable resource!  "Cold freaks" can, of course, skip the microwave step.
Works best if you have not been circumcised, as the foreskin aids in preserving
the slippery coating, and annoying particulates are less of a problem.

SPITOONING -
dekel-elan@CS.YALE.EDU:
Well, I've always heard that HIV can be carried in saliva, but to be
sure of catching it from someone, you have to drink a couple of
gallons of the stuff.

SPOOGEMELON -
bsc7@po.CWRU.Edu:
An old friend of mine recently recommended experiencing sexual congress with
a watermelon.  "Just cut a hole in the rind, and go to town..."  When you're
done, what you'd have is a piping hot SPOOGEMELON!  A real Southern delicacy.

SQUICKING -
To be squicked is simply to be turned off by a BDSM activity.  Like
"The whips were great, but when you used the metal-tipped cane that
squicked me". Or "I enjoy pain, but blood squicks me". It's the point
(different for everyone) at which excitement and risk turn to either
`ewww, grosssss' or `shit, that _hurts_!'.

Definitely not the same as "skull fucking":
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) comments about skull fucking
and possible equivalence to squicking:
I posted that a year ago, and I *made it up!*  I just figured that was
the only activity that would make a "squicking" noise, with the possible
exception of slipping the salami to a sucking chest wound.  (We've heard
of water in the lung.  But how would a doctor react when he realized
that someone had *jism* in his lung?  I don't think even Rod Stewart could
top that!)

Honorable mentions:
smith-jeff@CS.YALE.EDU:
When you squick someone (or something), you must trephan it (cut a hole in
the skull) on the center-line of the skull.  Then, you proceed the fuck their
brain - actually you fuck the gap dividing the two hemispheres - killing your
partner in the process. Average orgasms.

tpehrson@javelin.sim.es.com:
There seems to be a definite gender-bias in the alt.tasteless preferred sex
act, as it provides an orifice for penetration--neglecting the needs of
females who are not adapted for such actions (without the addition of strap-on
hardware; however, stimulation is still at a loss).

Merely create an opening at the rear base of the skull and retrieve the
mother-of-all-phallisees, the medulla oblongata.  'nuff sed.

SOGGY COOKIE, SOGGY BISCUIT, SOGGY CRACKER, BUTTER THE TOAST -
A group of males circle around a cookie, cracker or biscuit.  All masturbate,
aiming ejaculate at cookie, cracker or biscuit.  Last one to ejaculate eats
the cookie, cracker, biscuit or toast.

SUCKING SOMEONE OFF THEN DOING THE HEAVE -
dirk@iastate.edu (Drik Tengly):
Then there's another friend of mine, a female. (name withheld
'cause some netters may know her.) {Lynn} who was drunk, and stoned,
and was sucking this guy off in a cemetary and she went to swallow
but wound up doing the heave. heh.

SWANNING -
case@diku.dk:
Who haven't been standing there with their tongue up a swans tight, moist
wrinkly anus and wished for something more?  Wished for some genuine
mano-a-swano contact, that wouldn't split the noble bird or mutilate your bent
modesty? And the beak has always been in the way, obstructing every romantic
move you might have made in order to stuff your cock down the swans throat.
Though it's great fun, it won't do much good just to smash the damned beak with
a brick, as there will always be some shards left that inevitably will puncture
your swollen member. You'll also have trouble pulling the beak off with a pair
of pliers, so most swanlovers recommend that you saw it off, then file it smooth
and round. And Halleluja! Then you have at least 15 inches of swanthroat to
fulfill your wildest desires, just hold on to the swans head right at the root
of your penis and the swan will do the rest of the job, even do all the grunts
of pleasure that you may be too busy to perform. To those of you who have a fear
for this strong and mighty bird, the swan lovers association wisely advice '..Do
bring two or three plasticbags, as your feathered lover might try to escape or
even hurt you with its powerful wings.'. This method works perfectly, and I have
succesfully kept a beakless swan alive for two weeks in a duct taped plasticbag.
We had the most wild and crazy sex every night, and when it finally died there
was enough shit in the bag for me to fill my mouth three times.