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Revision 2.0 - Annotated by Tommy.

Call THC BBS: 604-361-1464 1200-HST
              604-361-4549 1200-2400/MNP5

Tommy's comments appear in [brackets like these.]
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                               A SYSOP IS...
                            by David M. Kilgore

     As a user of several local computer bulletin boards, I have seen quite 
a few text files written by sysops who felt a need to vent their frustration 
regarding the things their users do to annoy them.  I decided to write this 
text file as a means of telling the other side of the story - as a user who 
wishes to vent a little frustration of my own. 

[Kilgore hasn't mentioned the numerous files written by other users about
 loser users either, e.g. Birth of a R0dent, How to spot a loser,
 etcetera.  But then again, as we will see later on in the file, Kilgore
 doesn't really bother to call boards that would carry such files.]


     A SYSOP IS... 

     A sysop is someone who works very hard to provide an interesting and 
valuable board for his users. 

[ A sysop is someone who spends between 100 to 200 hours setting up, debugging,
  and customizing his software before he's completely satisfied with it.]

     A sysop is someone who is constantly trying to make his board better,
more useful, more impressive and more fun, no matter what it takes or what 
it costs.

[ You mean like the 2 phone lines, the 180 meg hard drive, the HST, the
  constant importing of text files, etcetera.]

     A sysop is someone who usually doesn't get much appreciation from his 
users, no matter how nice his board is or how much effort it takes to 
maintain it. 

[ Get it straight, Kilgore.  USERS DON'T CARE ABOUT SYSOPS.  Sysops never
  get a fucking word of thanks and the only way they can get financial
  help is if they demand money "at the gate".]

     A sysop is someone who has to put up with a lot of nonsense from users
who never even acknowledge his existence at all unless they want to complain 
that this doesn't work and that file is corrupt and you'd better fix this 
and I don't like that.  

[ A sysop has to deal with a lot of nonsense from users who like to
  page at 3:00 AM to ask the sysop how come he can't download anymore when the
  system has already told him three times this call that he's exceeded his
  download ratio. ]

     A sysop is someone who has a lot of dedication and patience and 
generosity, and who deserves every kind word and gesture of support he can 
get. 

[ If this were true, BBSes would never go offline. ]

     Sysops are wonderful.

[ No, they're just mentally defective.  Why else would they do this?]


     HOWEVER... A SYSOP IS ALSO...

     A sysop is someone who can, in the same breath, scold you for not 
uploading anything to his board, while simultaneously complaining that his 
hard disk is full and he needs you to give him money so he can buy a bigger 
one. 

[Bullshit.  I scold users for not uploading to my board, but when it's time
to buy a bigger hard drive, it's MY hard drive.  I can sell it whenever I
want and the users can't do dick about it.  So why should I make users pay
for my system?  The sad thing is that some sysops do just that, but thankfully
they are a minority.  Take a valuable hint, Kilgore: Stay the fuck away from
"real name" boards.  They're the worst guilt-trip offenders.  Pseudo boards,
which are the vast majority, don't have the problem you describe.]

     A sysop is someone who thinks that each and every one of the people who 
logs onto his board has an unlimited supply of software, all of which is 
fascinating and valuable, all of which is public domain, and all of which is 
utterly unlike anything he already has on his 550MB board.  The sysop is 
convinced that everyone who logs onto his board is deliberately and 
maliciously refusing to upload this wonderful software out of pure spite.  

[ No, but I DO think that each and every one of my users has access to at least
  one other board which has files that I do not.  I know for a fact that at
  least 99.99% of my users don't have a "One-plus" restriction on their phone
  lines and can call any BBS in the world and GET new files.  Is it not an
  unreasonable thing to ask?  Don't spend your money feeding sysops wallets,
  spend it on a few extra minutes of long-distance time so your sysop - who
  is already spending hundreds a month on LD - can have just a little relief.
  And, it's not spite.  It's STINGE.  Seriously, a couple or three ten-minute
  calls out-of-state a month aren't gonna put you in the po' house, and if you
  invest that time wisely, you'll have enough new files to put a smile on the
  face of even the most jaded sysops.  If 20% of all users spent $10 a month
  downloading from out-of-state boards, sysops would hardly have to call long
  distance at all.  Except for network sysops, but that comes later in this
  file...]

     A sysop is someone who BEGS his users to upload software to the board,
then screams "RAPE!" whenever anyone tries to DOWNLOAD any of it.  

[ What the... I don't think I've ever seen this attitude, except maybe from
  CompuSpec BBS.  See my above comment on real-name systems.  Maybe your
  anal-retentive attitude toward sysops comes from the anal-retentive attitudes
  of the low-quality boards you must obviously be calling.]

     A sysop is someone who insists that YOU send HIM files, but thinks you 
have a lot of nerve asking HIM to let YOU have any.

[ I notice that you seem to be focusing on file transfers a lot.  I have done
  what you say above before.  In fact I had to do just this to a user
  recently. Do you want to know why I wanted this user to send me files
  without downloading anything?  Because his download:upload ratio was
  over 2,000:1. That's right, he uploaded 10k and downloaded 20 megs.
  Do you know how badly that ties up a phone line?  Preventing netmail
  calls?  Preventing users who UPLOAD and POST MESSAGES from getting
  through?  Is it any surprise I had to go to the expense and bother of a
  second line?  Isn't it strange that I don't bitch to my users about
  that expense and bother?  WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?  WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO
  ANY OF THE OTHER USERS?  Fuck all, that's what.  So don't rag on ME for
  trying to do something about it.]

     A sysop is someone who goes to a great deal of trouble to provide file
areas, message areas, online games and various other services, then gets all 
bent out of shape if anyone prefers one of these services to another.  
"What?  You want a slice of the APPLE pie?  What's wrong with the 
PUMPKIN???"

[ You would too.  Do you know what a LEECH is?  Someone who logs on and does
  NOTHING but play games, and logs off.  Someone who logs on and does
  NOTHING but download files, and logs off.  It is excruciatingly
  obvious that you've never operated a BBS before.  If you had, you'd be
  more than familiar with the problem of "leeches" and wouldn't have
  made the above comment. ]

     A sysop is someone who can't be happy for those people who use the
message areas because they actually have something to say to each other.  
The sysop wants EVERYONE to use the message areas, even if they know 
absolutely no one else on the board and have nothing whatsoever worth 
saying.

[ Ah, I believe I see the pattern now.  What else is there to do on a BULLETIN
  board besides use the BULLETINs (latterly called "messages")?  Well, there's
  FILE TRANSFERS, but you don't seem to want to upload or to call out to get
  files to upload, so what else can you do?  Leech?  Now there's some fun, yes,
  I think I'll leech for just a few hours tonight.  Fuck the messages, I'm
  far too intelligent for those dweeby cretins who actually use them.
  WHAT KIND OF ARROGANT FUCKING ATTITUDE IS THIS?  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST,
  KILGORE, IF I THREW A PARTY IN MY HOUSE YOU'D COME IN, RAID THE GODDAMN
  FRIDGE, AND LEAVE.  IF I SUGGESTED YOU MINGLE OR DANCE OR (heaven forfend)
  BRING YOUR OWN BOTTLE, YOU'D PROBABLY WRITE A TEXT FILE RAGGING ON ME FOR
  DOING IT!  WAKE UP AND SMELL THE URINE! ]

     A sysop is someone who can't understand why anybody would want to scan 
through the file areas looking for new and useful pieces of software, when 
they could be slogging through an endless stream of incomprehensible and 
irrelevant messages sent by people they don't know to other people they 
don't know for reasons which are neither of any interest to them nor any of 
their business. 

[ Why would you want to go slogging through the endless stream of old,
  outdated files that don't even run on your computer, looking for a few
  good "gems" to LEECH, when there's a neverending chatter on subjects
  for all interests, and where posting a message is often as good as an
  upload for many sysops?  You say you don't have any files to upload,
  so why not post a message or two instead?  Just to show the sysop you
  care about something other than filling your hard drive. ]

     A sysop is a lunatic.  He has to be.  Why would anybody in their right 
mind want to run a BBS? 

[ Just between you and me, drugs did this to me.  Why would I put up with
  arrogant, leeching, selfish supertwits like yourself? ]

:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  

:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  

:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  

:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  

     And, I suppose, a sysop is a necessary evil.  

[ If that's all you think of the guys who go to all the trouble you mention
  in the first section of this file, then you can kindly go stick your
  modem and your computer where the sun don't shine.  Just a necessary
  evil.  Your mother gives horses rimjobs in hell.  There's an insult
  about half as bad as "a sysop is a necessary evil, i suppose".]

     I just hope I don't find myself banned from this board for life.

[ Damn right you're banned for life. You're a selfish pig.  Your
  attitude sucks farts from dead seagulls.  I count you as a sysop's
  worst nightmare.]