EVIL GENIUS LIST OF HI-TECH PRACTICAL JOKE IDEAS

WILLIAM J. BEATY

(convenient proof that everything in WEIRD SCIENCE must ALSO be a hoax,
right?!) 

I've neither built nor prototyped any of the following devices. Some are
hazardous and should not be built or operated. Others can be misused. This list
is for your information only. If you choose to build any of these, you do so
entirely at your own risk.

Yahoo: Practical Jokes 

   Road Music
   Carve computer-generated ripples in the surface of a main highway, and when
   vehicles pass over the surface, mysterious voices whisper, and distant music
   plays. Two ripple-tracks, one for each tire, should give stereo sound. Is
   this already being done? "Vote for Rush" "Drink Pepsi" "The BATF is your
   Friend"...

   Broken UFO parts
   Embed numerous "repulsor" coils and a power supply in a small, fake UFO
   crash remenant, so that small independant segments of the object hang
   unsupported in the air nearby, via the battery-powered "Meissner effect"
   generator. (independant segments must be magnets, of course) Take it to a
   mainstream researcher, but don't let them look at it in detail. Visions of
   alien room-temp superconductors should haunt the person forever after.

   "Stink Beam" projector
   A hollow-ended cylinder is attached to a bass loudspeaker. The open end of
   the cylinder is covered with a flat plate, and a 3in. hole is put in this
   plate. When a pulse is applied to the speaker, an invisible ring-vortex or
   "smoke ring" of air will be launched. Pulses can be repetitive so a
   continuous beam of vortices is projected. Pulse waveform can be tailored to
   produce robust, fast, silent vortices. Each vortex incorporates air from
   within the cylinder, and carries this air along as it travels. If a scent is
   placed in the cylinder, you have a "stink gun" which can target a distant
   nose without being intercepted by others, or can surround a distant object
   with any desired scent. If specific gases are added, then when the "stink
   beam" encounters a distant source of ignition, such as a cigarette, the
   vortices (and maybe the launcher device!) will explode. A computer, video
   grabber, IR camera, and some stepper motors could be assembled into a
   cigarette-targeting acetylene launcher. No Smoking!

   Yucky ions
   If a sharp point is attached to the dome of a VandeGraaff generator, the
   point will spew charged wind. If you stand in this air stream, it will
   charged your clothing and hair, which will start clinging to your body.
   Ewwww!, feels like you've been dipped in vegetable oil. So, bolt a VDG
   upside-down within the ceiling, with ion-needles pointing downwards, and a
   "stand here" sign on the floor below. (only works in low humidity, the lower
   the better.)

   "Free energy" hoax
   Fake device is composed of complex structures and materials, a tiny
   battery-powered spark generator, and at a distance, a hidden, "stink beam
   projector device" rigged for acetylene. The projector shoots gas pulses
   which cause occasional loud and unexplained explosions within the device. If
   both an ion projector and an acetylene launcher are used, it may even be
   possible to create distant sparks and explosions in a distant device having
   no power supply at all!

   Elvis Miracle
   Use my whitelight abrasion hologram method to encode an image of Elvis or
   other religious icon holographically into an everday surface, (car hood?)
   announce the miracle, charge admission, and even befuddle the experts who
   come to debunk it. Impossible!, a real hologram, but encoded into a crude
   surface!

   Roadside Kilovoltage Source.
   Build a sturdy VandeGraaff generator into a metal and plastic column, with a
   handcrank on the top metal terminal and a large label saying "TURN." When
   the crank and stepup gearing is turned, the generator operates. Place it
   outdoors, and surround it with a thick plastic insulating plate. Anyone who
   cranks it will feel a prickling sensation, their hair will stand up, and the
   next person they touch will get a static zap. Better still: win the lottery
   and have thousands of them built and distributed around the country
   unannounced. Permanent Infamy!

   4-Lane dot matrix printer
   A truck-mounted device spits a row of paint dots under computer control.
   Drive along the Interstate while printing out political diatribe. Use water
   instead of paint for temporary, less illegal road gibberish. Colored dyes
   would work well on packed snowy roads (a little carbon or flourescene dye
   goes a long way.) Rent out ad space in fields near airports, then do your
   printing in seeds for variously colored crops. Transport one of these
   devices between widely-separated power boats for the seaborne version.
   Electrostatically shoot charged copier toner from lunar orbit for a more
   long-lasting advertisement.

   Ball-lightning incident
   Ed Harris on usa-tesla has discovered that argon gas lets you make a large
   'plasma globe' effect at ambient pressure. Build a battery-powered Tesla
   Coil, clip it to your belt, and run a wire out to an argon-filled mylar
   sphere. When turned on, the tip of the wire will grow a large blazing white
   ball of lightning filaments. Run screaming through the night, chased by a
   ball-lightning in a hardly-noticable clear bag. Charred, smoking clothes
   would be good too. Ahhhhhh! It's biting meeee!

   Build a Borg
   The psychologist ????? discovered a strange group-organism he dubbed the
   Cyranoid. Build one as follows: provide one person with a radio receiver and
   earphone, give a transmitter to a second person, then have the 'sender' give
   orders which will be carried out by the 'receiver.' Even better would be a
   video RF link so the 'sender' can see and hear through the 'receiver's'
   eyes, and maybe a radio channel which controls vibrating transducers on the
   'receiver's' body, so that the 'sender' can command movements with a
   joystick rather than verbally. If one 'sender' runs several 'receivers,'
   you've got the start of a small Borg civilization! Would you pay more to be
   a sender or a receiver? Should be great fun at parties...

   The same psychologist discovered that the WWII Nazi phenomena of ONLY
   FOLLOWING ORDERS vs. ONLY GAVE ORDERS, DID NOTHING MYSELF could be used to
   convert a pair of people into a psychopath. Responsibility for actions
   becomes a closed loop and evaporates. As a consequence, the radio-controlled
   'Cyranoid' pair is very dangerous. So David Letterman has built himself one?
   Just wait until Dave gives an unwise order to his puppet and finds that the
   person ACTUALLY CARRIES IT OUT! The 'slave' trusts the 'master' to give only
   benign orders and stops thinking, but the 'master' may order something
   terrible, just to see how far the 'slave' will go. When Letterman's slave
   commits a crime, whose fault will it be?

   Phaser Weapon
   If pure argon is injected into a laminar stream of air, the argon stream
   will support sparks of enormous length. If connected to a fair-sized tesla
   coil, the argon stream should produce linear arcs many feet long. Reach out
   zap someone!