How To Build an Electric Water Cannon For Your Car
                          By Doug Wood 31OCT94
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        How many times have you been stuck in traffic and felt trapped,
    only to see some jerk driving up the shoulder of the highway? Then
    along comes another, followed by another. You just want to ram these
    jerks with your car. Then you think, "maybe I'll do it, too." Of course
    you're the only one who will get caught and get a ticket, so you stay
    in line and suffer. Well, suffer no more! Enjoy that endless drive to
    and from work. Be confrontational! Change yourself from a sheep, to a
    wolf within the flock! You are the hunter waiting for the kill!

        STEP 1: Visit your local auto salvage yard. You are in search of a
    12 volt windshield washer/pump unit. Try to locate a unit with a large
    bottle. Clip the wires at the wiring harness, so the pump has a few
    inches of wire for you to work with. Make sure the unit will fit under
    the hood of your auto without touching any of the engine (you don't
    want it to melt under your hood).

        STEP 2: Visit your local auto parts store. You need several feet of
    rubber tubing and a plastic coupler for the size of tubing you are
    using (play it smart and take your pump in with you, so you can explain
    to the teenager behind the counter exactly what you need. Remember, do
    not tell him what you are up to, or you will have to explain it several
    times to all the other employees). You also need a normally open,
    momentary pushbutton switch with a mounting bracket for under the dash.
    If they don't have one, go to Radio-Shack. Make sure the switch is
    rated for at least 12 volts DC or 120 volts AC. Get a few of female
    spade lugs and about ten feet of 16-18 AWG red wire and four feet of
    16-18 AWG black wire. A few wire nuts, and cable ties would also be
    handy.

        PARTS LIST
       ------------
    RUBBER TUBING...............10 FEET TO BE SAFE

    TUBING COUPLERS.............TO BE USED AS END NOZZLE

    PUSH BUTTON SWITCH..........NORMALLY OPEN, MOMENTARY

    SWITCH MOUNTING BRACKET.....FOR MOUNTING SWITCH UNDER DASH

    FEMALE SPADE LUGS...........HELL, JUST GET AN ASSORTMENT OF CONNECTORS

    WIRE NUTS...................THEY COME WITH THE ASSORTMENT

    16-18 AWG WIRE..............10 FT. RED, 4 FT. BLACK

    SMALL PLASTIC WIRE TIES.....TO GIVE YOUR INSTALL THAT "CUSTOM" LOOK

    A SMALL WIRE CLAMP..........TO MOUNT THE NOZZLE TO THE AUTO


        STEP 3: Find a suitable location under the hood to mount the washer
    unit. Steer clear of fans, belts, hot metal, etc.( Just use your
    brains).

        STEP 4: Install tubing from pump unit to passanger side of engine
    compartment. Use plastic ties to secure hose away from fans, belts, hot
    metal, etc. (DON'T OVER-TIGHTEN THE TIES, DUH!).

        STEP 5: Locate an opening between turn signal and sheet metal, or
    bumper and sheet metal, to mount your nozzle. Leave some extra tubing
    attached for future modifications (Trying different nozzle sizes).

        STEP 6: Install couple in the end of the tubing. This is the
    nozzle. The larger the inner diameter if the nozzle, the more water
    that will come out. You sacrifice distance for volume. a smaller inner
    diameter will give you more distance, but less volume. (I opt for this
    set-up, because it it harder for the victem to locate the source of
    the water). Clamp the nozzle to the auto, so that it is as hidden as
    possible (Your life could literally depend on this!).

        STEP 7: Extend the positive wire (RED) of the pump through the
    firewall of your auto to the location of your switch. Install a spade
    lug to the end of the red wire and connect to one side of your switch.
    Install a spade lug on the remainder of the red wire, and connect it to
    the other side of the switch. Run the wire to your fuse box. Cut off
    excess wire and crimp on spade lug. Connect to 12 volt accessory lug.

        STEP 8: Hide push button somewhere out of site (This is VERY
    important!).

        STEP 9: Connect black wire of pump to good metal ground (you may
    need to extend it a couple of feet if the inside of your auto has lots
    of plastic.

        STEP 10: Fill the bottle with water only! Remember, whatever you
    spray, will get on your vehicle, too!

        STEP 11: Try different nozzles and angles to get your desired
    range.

        Congratulations! If all went well, you are now armed and dangerous!
    With this weapon of mass destruction you now posess, comes a little
    responsibility:

        1. Never shoot the homeless, the old, the handicapped, etc...

        2. Never shoot anyone who looks like they might enjoy killing you.

        3. Never shoot the kids in your neighborhood, for they will beat up
           your kids to get even (I learned this the hard way!).

        4. Be prepared to get your butt kicked by those who don't think
           it's fun to get wet (There are a lot of them out there!).

        5. Never, never, never shoot anyone wearing gang colors!!!

        6. You never know who is carrying a gun. Don't be stupid!

        7. If you were born stupid, don't bother building this. It will not
           work for you, and you will burn your car and neighborhood to
           the ground if you attempt this project.

        NOTES: 1. If you are sitting still, you can shoot far.

               2. If you are creeping forward, you lose distance due to
                  wind resistance.

               3. If you are on the highway, the water will roll down the
                  side of your vehicle and create a cloud of mist due to
                  the rear draft ( Excellent for combatting tailgaters.
                  They don't know if your car is leaking or what). This
                  is why I say "WATER ONLY!!", because it will be all over
                  your car, too!

               4. The people who drive on the shoulder of the road during
                  rush hour always have their window rolled down. Learn
                  how to time your shot, so they don't see the water before
                  they get to it. You will know if you hit them, because
                  they will hit the brakes about 1 1/2 cars past you, look
                  around, and then drive away.

               5. THIS DEVICE IS PROBABLY ILLEGAL IN ALL 50 STATES.

        THIS ARTICLE IS FOR READING ENJOYMENT ONLY. THE AUTHOR IS IN NO
        WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE FEW LUNATICS WHO BUILD
        THIS AND GO OUT AND GET BEATEN UP OR SHOT. IT IS VERY EASY TO GET
        CARRIED AWAY WITH THIS DEVICE. ONCE MORE, IF YOU ARE NO WHERE NEAR
        NORMAL INTELLIGENCE, DO NOT BUILD THIS. YOUR FAMILY NEEDS AND LOVES
        YOU VERY MUCH. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. DEALER OPTIONS MAY VARY.

        HAPPY HUNTING, AND YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. USE YOUR NEW KNOWLEDGE FOR
        THE GOOD OF MANKIND.