AOH :: XMASGIFT.TXT Humor: How much to spend on a Christmas gift for your girlfriend
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XMAS GIFTS
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Every year at Christmas time, guys around the world are confused
about how much money to spend on their girlfriend's gift.  This is why
we are posting this simple form, which tells guys exactly how much
their woman is worth.  And the best part is, it doesn't have to just
be used for Christmas.  It is also good for: Birthdays, Anniversaries,
Valentines Day, Ground Hog Day, Martin Luther King Day, etc......

The All-Purpose-All-In-One-Gift-Allowance-Index
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Base Rate

For the 1st six months, allow \$10.00 for every month.       + _____

For the 2nd six months, \$5.00 for each additional month.    + _____

For more than a year, \$1.00 for each additional month.      + _____

subtotal (A)  = _____

Bonuses and Penalties

IF SHE:
Has not yet "put out", subtract \$5.00 per month.        - _____

Has "put out", add a nickel for every month.            + _____

Can cook a good meal, add \$0.50.                        + _____

Quietly brings you beer during football games, add \$1.  + _____

"Nags", subtract a \$1.37 per month.                     - _____

For an A cup, subtract  \$2.03                                 - _____

FOR EVERY:
Cup size over B add \$1.02                               + _____

Inch of chest over 30" add \$.13                         + _____

Pound over 120 lbs subtract \$0.54                       - _____

If her ass is so tight you can bounce a quarter,
add the quarter.                                        + _____

subtotal (B)  = _____

Now calculate the grand total.

total (A + B) = _____

EXCEPTION:

If the total is less than the cost of a piece of
Bazooka Bubble Gum(Tm), then you must give her what
she really wants this holiday, a ring:

Dial her phone number,
RING
'hello'
'Hey baby, Merry Christmas.'
Hang up the phone.

I hope this list makes your Christmas shopping easier.  Unfortunately
you still have to think-up your own gift ideas.  May I suggest a pair
of knee pads and a bottle of Scope(Tm).

From: cathouse.org:/pub/cathouse/humor/women
Title: xmas.gifts
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
From: todd@kastle.com (Todd A. Scalzott)
Date: Thu, 9 Dec 1993 18:08:12 GMT

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