AOH :: INSTEADS.TXT|
"Insteads" - probably the grossest product ever: a menstrual dam!
From: Swan <Syren@worldnet.att.net>
Date: Sat, 08 Feb 1997 17:01:55 -0800
Well there's a new product on the market with LOTS of tasteless
potential. Many wimmin on here will recall a thing called Tassaway some
years back. It was a menstrual cup, not a tampon or pad. Anyway, it
failed, i'm told, because it had a tendancy toward catastrophic failures.
Imagine, if you will, a cunt, bleeding like a stuck hog and stuffed with
this plastic gadget that held the blood. A cough or sneeze would produce
truly battlefield conditions and horrify the hell out of onlookers.
The new attempt at a menstrual cut, Insteads, is now on the market. My
SR bought a pack. I HAD to see what they looked like! It's a plastic
ring with a baggy hanging from the bottom! Since it's a soft plastic
device instead of semirigid, it may work. I've lent one to another
friend of mine who bleeds like a mutha on her period. Tasteless updates
as soon as they appear.
Anyway, my SR has tried the thing. Not only is it reusable (although
they tell you NOT to. HA!) but it catches the blood and the cooterslugs
intact! After a LOT of coaxing (she's not as tasteless as I) I managed
to get a full one from her as she was changing it. We made a horrible
mess of the bathroom ans I danced backward, holding the fetid thing to my
lips and she (still dripping blood and clots) tried to retrieve it from
Perhaps my other submissive will be more amenable to my retrieving and
stir-frying her cooterclots. She is horribly tasteless and will go for
that in a BIG way. She read the product liturature "Insteads may be worn
during sex without fear of leakage" and scoffed "The HELL it can! The
knifeblades would go RIGHT through it!" She's into vaginal pentration
with fish hooks.
We will definitely see how this new product "goes over" with two
Subject: Re: Insteads!
From: Paul Frederick Schnellbecher <email@example.com>
Date: 9 Feb 1997 00:27:15 GMT
Swan (Syren@worldnet.att.net) wrote:
: Well there's a new product on the market with LOTS of tasteless
Jill of Oregon put me onto these things last fall. We had these things
I was thumbing through the new issue of Glamour magazine and
saw the most revolting new product. It is called INSTEAD. I
just had to tell you about it. The new product is described as
"internal feminine protection you can wear for up to 12 hours"
but is different because, as the ad copy proclaims, it is "a
soft, disposable cup that holds rather than absorbs monthly flow
[read: blood and clots and junk] ... You can also enjoy clean,
comfortable sex while wearing it". Bonus. Just pray the little
cup doesn't get dislodged during a particularly athletic
performance of cunnilingus or the guy/gal might get 12 hours's
worth of bloody gunk spilled down his/her throat. Yummy. Or
those words every guy wants to hear when he asks his partner what
the hell he's bumping into during sex, "Oh, nothing sweetie, just
a cup with about 9 hours of menstrual clots trapped
The ad doesn't mention how one disposes of these little gems and
their tasty contents--is it a new menu item at the Woolworth's
lunch counter like tomato soup in a cup? A cordial for
vampires? Can children drop them accurately from rooftops onto
pedestrians? How far can you fling one at a disobedient dog?
Just how much odor will accumulate in a sealed vaginal cup during
12 hours of heavy bleeding? I'm sure you will agree we need more
research from the gang in alt.tasteless. Oh, a new question just
popped into my head. Could they be used anally for
LiquiShits(tm)? There is a toll-free number in the ad. I dare
ya to ask them about the anal question: 1-800-INSTEAD.
* * * * *
My friend who turned me on to the presence of this new wonder reports--
Charlotte, a very soft-spoken woman, talked to me. I didn't have
the heart to be cruel.
I asked why you couldn't use them with an IUD and she said,
"Because they are worn in the same area as the IUD".
I saw my moment and tried to sound as shocked as possible: "You
mean in the cervix?!"
Charlotte apparently has little knowledge of her product and less
of female anatomy. She read from a script something about
"...pushed up to cervix behind the pubic bone."
Then she found her IUD notes and informed me there was a risk of
pulling the IUD string when removing the INSTEAD. Ouchie! My IUD
is in hte shape of the numeral 7.
I asked her what you do with it when you're done. Even she
sounded a little grossed out as she said, "First you have to
empty the fluid [ HOW?
and then dispose of
it, wrapped in TP." When pressed, she admitted it can't be
flushed. So I guess you wrap your 12-hour bloody, smelly cup in
wads of TP, then trot it out to the bathroom garbage can in a
crowded ladies' john. Yeah, right. These things will be a
goldmine to plumbers.
Paul, you oughta call and ask her if they can be used rectally
for the runs. I dare ya.
Sorry. <bwawk> <bwawk> I'm chicken. Anybody else want to call
(800) INT ENDS and ask about the LiquiShit use? Please report back here
--let's you and them fight!
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