========
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Subject: How COLD is it??(Wisconsin Version)
From: jim blair <jeblair@facstaff.wisc.edu>
Date: Sat, 01 Feb 1997 16:33:20 -0800

This is to help you translate temperature from degrees
F to C, and relate the temperature to the impact on
activity.



                   HOW COLD IS IT?
         (degrees Fahrenheit, then Celsius)

+50F / +10C
  * New York tenants turn on the heat
  * Wisconsinites plant gardens

+35F / +2C
  * Italian cars don't start

+30F / -1C
  * You can see your breath
  * You plan a vacation in Florida
  * Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
  * Wisconsinites eat ice cream

+20F / -7C
  * Cleveland water freezes
  * San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
  * Some Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

+15F / -10C
  * You plan a vacation in Acapulco
  * Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
  * Wisconsinites go swimming

 0F / -18C
  * New York landlords turn on the heat
  * Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!

-5F / -21C
  * You can hear your breath
  * You plan a vacation in Hawaii

-10F / -23C
  * American cars don't start
  * Too cold to skate

-15F / -26C
  * You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
  * Miamians cease to exist
  * Wisconsinites lick flagpoles

-20F / -29C
  * Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
  * Politicians actually do something about the homeless
  * People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens


-25F / -32C
  * Too cold to kiss
  * You need jumper cables to get the driver going
  * Japanese cars don't start
  * Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training

-30F / -34
  * You plan a two-week hot bath
  * Pilsener freezes
  * Bock beer production begins
  * Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof

-38F / -39
  * Mercury freezes
  * Too cold to think
  * Wisconsinites button top button

-40F / -40
  * Californians disappear
  * Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
  * Wisconsinites put on sweaters

-50F / -46
  * Congressional hot air freezes
  * Alaskans close the bathroom window
  * Green Bay Packers practice indoors

-60F / -51
   * Walruses abandon Aleutians
   * Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
   * Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens
   * Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-70F / -57
  * Glaciers in Central Park
  * Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
  * Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault
    Ste. Marie

-90F / -68
   * Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
   * Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
   * Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be
     warmer

-100F / -73
   * Santa Claus abandons North Pole
   * Wisconsinites pull down earflaps

-173F / -114
   * Ethyl alcohol freezes
   * Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans

-297F / -183
   * Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
   * Microbial life survives only on dairy products

-454F / -270
   * Hell freezes over

-456F / -271
   * Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90

-460F / -273 (Absolute Zero)
   * All atomic motion ceases
   * Wisconsinites allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy


-- 
                     ,,,,,,,
_______________ooo___( O O )___ooo_______________
                       (_)
jim blair (jeblair@facstaff.wisc.edu) For a good time call
     http://www.geocities.com/capitolhill/4834