EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION Form

Name:                    Title:                    Date:        
Department:                   Supervisor:                       
Date Employed:                Last Evaluation:                  
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Knowledge        This son of a bitch really knows his shit.
                 Knows most phases of his job.
                 Knows enough to be dangerous.
                 Stupid bastard, couldn't hit his ass with both hands.
                 Fucker is brain damaged, a coffee cup has a higher IQ.

Accuracy         Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with sex.
                 Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass.
                 Doesn't give a shit if his output is right or wrong.
                 Does shitty work and constantly fucks up.
                 Couldn't count his balls and get the same answer twice.

Rate of work     Fastest fucker I ever saw.
                 Fast son of a bitch, if he thinks he'll get a raise.
                 Does a lot of work, at salary review time.
                 Works only if kicked in the ass every five minutes.
                 Couldn't do less work if in a coma.

Dependability    A very dependable cocksucker.
                 Usually dependable, at salary review time.
                 Conscientious, only if sex urge is satisfied.
                 Can depend on him to be the first to leave at 4 P.M.
                 Completely incompetent, totally fucking worthless.

Cooperation      Extremely cooperative, alias "Office Brown Nose".
                 Brown noser in good standing.
                 Cooperative only if ass kissed frequently.
                 Thinks it is his job to piss off co-workers frequently.
                 Doesn't give a shit, never has and never will.

Appearance       Extremely neat & orderly, even combs his pubic hairs.
                 Neat & orderly at salary review time.
                 Needs to be introduced to toothpaste and deodorant.
                 Sloppy, dirty, filthy, smelly bastard.
                 Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him.

Leadership       Carries a chain saw around and gets good results.
                 Constantly pisses off the troops.
                 Occasionally gets told to get fucked.
                 Only the janitor obeys him.
                 Couldn't lead a pack of starving wolves to fresh meat.

I have read the above and I understand my evaluation.  I will attempt to correct
all deficiencies.

Signature:                               Date: