In the mid 19th century somebody produced a Portugese-English phrase 
book.  The trashed English was so entertaining that it has been several times 
published without the Portugese.  Here are some selections: 

                             Windmill


                      English as She Is Spoke.


                        Preface.

        A choice of familiar dialogues, clean of gallicisms, and despoiled 
phrases, it was missing yet to studious portugese and brazilian Youth; and 
also to persons of others nations, that wish to know the portugese language.
We sought all we may do, to correct that want, composing and divising the 
present little work in two parts.  The first includes a greatest vocabulary 
proper names by alphabetical order; and the second forty three Dialogues 
adapted to the usual precisions of the life.  For that reason we did put, with 
a scrupulous exactness, a great variety own expressions to english and 
portugese idioms; without to attach us selves (as make some others) almost at 
a literal translation; translation what only will be for to accustom the 
portugese pupils, or foreign, to speak very bad any of the mentioned idioms.
        We were increasing this second edition with a phraseology, in the 
first part, and some familiar letters, anecdotes, idiotisms, proverbs, and to 
second a coin's index.
        The Works which we were confering for this labour, fond use us for 
nothing; but those what were publishing to Portugal, or out, they were almost 
all composed for some foreign, or for some national little aquainted in the 
spirit of both languages.  It was resulting from that carelessness to rest 
these Works fill of imperfections, and anomalies of style; in spite of the 
infinite typographical faults which some times, invert the sense of the 
periods.  It increase not to contain any ofthose Works the figured 
pronounciation of the english words, nor the prosodical accent in the 
portugese; indispensable object whom wish to speak the english and portugese 
languages correctly.
        We expect then, who the little book (for the care what we wrote him, 
and for her typographical correction) that may be worth the acceptation of the 
studious persons, and especially of the Youth, at which we dedicate him 
particularly.

                        Familiar Phrases.

Go to send for.
Have you say that?
Have you understand that he says?
At what purpose have say so?
Put your confidence at my.
At what o'clock dine him?
Apply you to the study during that you are young.
Dress your hairs.
These apricots and these peaches make me and to come water in the mouth.
How do you can it to deny?
That is that I have think.
That are the dishes whose you must be and to abstain.
This meat ist not too over do.
This girl have a beauty edge.
It is a noise which to cleave the head.
Tell me, it can one to know?
She do not that to talk and to cackle.
He has spit in my coat.
He burns one's self the brains.
He has the word for to laugh.
He do the Devil at four.
He make to weep the room.
It must never to laugh of the unhappies.
Till say-us?
Till hither.
I have put my stockings outward.
I have mind to vomit.
I will not to sleep on street.
I dead myself in envy to see her.
I shall not tell you than two woods.
Help-to a little most the better yours terms.
That should must me to cost my life.
Do not might one's understand to speak.
Take attention to cut you self.
Since you not go out, I shall go out nor I neither.
That may dead if I lie to you.
All trees have very deal bear.
You not make that to prate all day's work.
You come to rare.

                        Familiar Dialogues.

               For to wish the good morning.

How does your father do?
He is very well.
I am very delight of it.  Were is it?
I shall come back soon, I was no came that to know how you are.

               The walk.

Will you and take a walk with me?
Wait for that the warm be out.
Go through that meadow.  Who the country is beautiful! who the trees are 
thick!
Take the bloom's perfume.
It seems me that the corn does push already.
You hear the bird's gurgling?
Which pleasure! which charm!
The field has by me a thousand charms.
Are you hunter?  will you go to the hunting in one day this week?
Willingly; I have not a most pleasure in this world.  There is some game on 
they cantons?
We have done a great walk.

                With the tailor.

Can you do me a coat?
What cloth will you do to?
From a stuff what be of season.
How much wants the ells for coat, waist coat, and breeches?
Six ells.
What will you double the coat?
From something of duration. I believe to you that [missing line]
When do you bring me my coat?
The rather that be possible.
Bring you my coat?
Yes sir, there is it.
You have me done to expect too.
I did can't to come rather.
It don't are finished?
The lining war not sewd.
It is so that do one's now.
Button me.
It pinches me too much upon stomack.
The sleeves have not them great deal wideness?
No, sir, they are well.

                With a watchmaker.

I bring you a watch that want to be ordered.
I had the misfortune to leave fall down the instant where I did mounted, it 
must to put again a glass.
I want not a pendulum?  I have them here some very good.
Don't you live me her proof againts?  I shall not accept that this condition.

                For the comedy.

Were you go to the theatre yesterday?
Yes, sir; I won't tosee the new play in which did owed to play and actress 
which has not appeared on any theatre.
How you think her?
She has very much grace in the deeds great deal of exactness on the 
declamation, a constitution very agreable, and a delightful voice.
What you say of the comedy?  Have her succeeded?  
It was a drama; it was whistted to the third scene of the last act.
Because that?
It whant the vehicle, and the intrigue it was bad conducted.
So that they won't waited even the upshot?
No, it was divined.  In the mean time them did diliver justice to the players 
which generally have play very well.
At the exception by a one's self, who had land very much hir's part.
It want to have not any indulgence towards the bat buffoons.
Have you seen already the new tragedy?  They praise her very much.
It is multitude already.
Never I had seen the parlour so full.
This actor he make very well her part.
That piece is full of interest.
It have wondered the spectadors.
The curtains let down.
Go out us.

                        With a furniture tradesman

It seems no me new.
Pardon me, it comes workman's hands.
Which heightness want you its?
I want almost four feet six thumbs wide's, over seven of long.

                        Anecdotes

     Cuttler, a very rich man too many avaricious, commonly he was travel at a 
horse, and single for to avoid all expenses.  In the evening at to arrive at 
the inn did feign to be indispose, to the end that one bring him the supper.  
He did ordered to the stable knave to bring in their room some straw, for to 
put in their boots he made to warm her bed and was go to sleep.  When the 
servant was draw again, he come up again, and with the straw of their boots, 
and the candle what was leave him he made a small fire where he was roast a 
herring what he did keep of her pocket.  He was always the precaution one to 
provide him self of a small of bread and one bring up a water bottle, and thus 
with a little money.

     A man one's was presented at a magistrate which had a considerable 
library.  "What you make?" beg him the magistrate.  "I do some books," he was 
answered.  "But any of your books I didnot seen its.--I believe it so, was 
answered the author; I make nothing for Paris.  From a of my works is 
imprinted, I send the edition for America; I don't compose what to colonies."

     One eyed was laied against a man which had good eyes that he saw better 
than him.  The party was accepted.  "I had gain, over said the one eyed; why 
I see you two eyes, and you not look me who one."

     Plato walking one's self a day to the field with some of their friends.  
They were to see him Diogenes who was in to water untill the chin.  The 
superficies of the water was snowed, for the reserve of the hole that Diogenes 
was made.  "Don't look it more told them Plato, and he shall get out soon."

                        Idiotisms and proverbs.

The necessity don't know the low.
Few, few the bird make her nest.
He is not valuable to breat that he eat.
Its are some blu stories.
Nothing some money, nothing of Swiss.
He sin in trouble water.
He has a good beak.
With a tongue one go to Roma.
Take out the live coals with the hand of the cat.
Take the occasion for the hairs.
To do a wink to some body.
It want to beat the iron during it is hot.
The stone as roll not heap up not foam.
There is not better sauce who the appetite.
The pains come at horse and turn one's self at foot.
Friendship of a child is water into a basket.
Burn the politeness.
Of the hand to mouth, one lose often the soup.
To craunch the marmoset.[?]
To come back at their muttons.