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Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes,rec.humor
Subject: Why'd the Chicken Cross the Road?
From: Raymond W Jensen <rwj+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Date: Sat,  1 Feb 1997 16:22:22 -0500


                    Why did the chicken cross the road?

The Sphinx:
You tell me.

Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Hippocrates:
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Epicurus:
For fun.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?

Plato:
For the greater good.

Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.

Machiavelli:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has
the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for
whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian
virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Tomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across
you.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Henry David Thoreau:
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.

Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and
"road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization
of this
 potential occurrence.

David Hume:
Out of custom and habit.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.

Joseph Stalin:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
depends upon your frame of reference.

Werner Heisenberg:
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was
moving very fast.

Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Salvador Dali:
The Fish.

Douglas Adams:
Forty-two.

Stephen Jay Gould:
It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we
have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact
that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do
not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most
prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Oliver North:
National Security was at stake.

Ronald Reagan:
I forget.

John Sununu:
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite
understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Jack Nicholson:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Andersen Consultant:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant
market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to
create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive
market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client,
helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and
implementation processes.
Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use
its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the
chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall
strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting
convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along
with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry
to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their
personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to
synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of
delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an
enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry
cross-median processes.
The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an
impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and
built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with
the chicken's mission, vision, and
core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business
integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to
become more successful.