The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes

               -----------------------------------

     Q:   How do blonde braincells die ?
     A:   Alone.

     Q:   How do you brainwash a blonde?
     A:   Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

     Q:   How do you change a blonde's mind?
    A1:   Blow in her ear.
    A2:   Buy her another beer.

     Q:   How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
     A:   Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

     Q:   HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY?
     A:   Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

     Q:   HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING?
     A:   She was run over by the zambonis machine.

     Q:   How do you get a blonde pregnant?
     A:   Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

     Q:   How do you get a blonde to marry you?
     A:   Tell her she's pregnant.

     Q:   What will she ask you?
     A:   "Is it mine?"

     Q:   How do you get a blonde off of your knees?
     A:   Come.

     Q:   How does a blond spell farm?
     A:   E-I-E-I-O

     Q:   How does a blond kill a fish?
     A:   She drowns it.

     Q:   A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat
     A:   Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row

     Q:   How does a blonde hold her liquor?
     A:   By the ears.

     Q:   How do you know a blond likes you?
     A:   She screws you two nights in a row.

     Q:   How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
     A:   Her crayons are still sticky.

     Q:   How does a blonde moonwalk?
     A:   She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

     Q:   WHY IS A BLONDE LIKE AUSTRALIA?
     A:   They're both down under, and no one cares.

     Q:   WHY DOES A BLONDE LIKE THE NUMBER 77?
     A:   She likes to be 8 (ate) more.

     Q:   WHY DON`T BLONDES LIKE ANAL SEX?
     A:   They don`t like their brains being screwed with.

     Q:   WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI?
     A:   When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.

     Q:   WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS?
     A:   When they aren't upright, they're grand.

     Q:   WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED?
     A:   Who cares?

     Q:   Why can't blondes count to 70?
     A:   Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

     Q:   Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
     A:   The rest are hunt'n peckers.

     Q:   How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
     A:   They spread for the bread.

     Q:   What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
     A:   Cherry Float

     Q:   WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
     A:   Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

     Q:   WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GOLFER WITH AN IQ OF 125?
     A:   a foursome.

     Q:   WHAT DO YOU GIVE THE BLONDE WHO HAS EVERYTHING?
     A:   Penicillin.

     Q:   What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
     A:   An air bag.

     Q:   What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popular
     A:   B.J.

     Q:   Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
     A:   Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

     Q:   Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
     A:   To avoid the draft.

     Q:   Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
     A:   They have to pull their own pants down.

     Q:   Why do blondes wear panties?
     A:   To keep their ankles warm.

     Q:   Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
     A:   It's too hard to re-train them.

     Q:   What do blondes do for foreplay?
     A:   Remove their underwear.

     Q:   What do blonde virgins eat?
     A:   Baby food.

     Q:   What's the mating call of the blonde?
     A:   "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

     Q:   What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
     A:   (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

     Q:   What's the mating call of the brunette?
     A1:  "All the blondes have gone home!"
     A2:  Has that blonde gone yet?
     A3:  When is that blond bitch going to leave!?

     Q:   What's the mating call of the redhead?
     A:   "Next!"

     Q:   How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
     A:   Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

     Q:   WHAT IS BLONDE AND GREEN AND JUMPS FROM BED TO BED?
     A:   A prostitoad.

     Q:   WHAT IS 68 TO A BLONDE?
     A:   Where she goes down on you and you owe her one.

     Q:   What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ea
     A:   Trying to hold on to a thought.

     Q:   Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
     A:   Because it said 'concentrate'.

     Q:   WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS?
     A:   It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

     Q:   WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERIN
     A:   The noise gave her a headache.

     Q:   WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS?
     A:   From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

     Q:   Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
     A:   She heard that the drinks were on the house.

     Q:   Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
     A:   They don't know the route.

     Q:   Why do blondes work seven days a week?
     A:   So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

     Q:   WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?
     A:   Elvis has been sighted.

     Q:   WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS?
     A:   Some traffic signs say stop.

     Q:   WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A LIGHTBULB?
     A:   The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

     Q:   WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A BITCH?
     A:   A blonde will fuck anyone, a bitch will fuck anyone but you.

     Q:   WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART?
     A:   The shopping cart has a mind of its own.

     Q:   WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CORN FARMER WITH EPILEPSY AND A BLOND
     A:   One shucks between fits.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
     A:   It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
     A:   One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.

     Q:   What's the difference betweena blonde and a brick?
     A:   When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whini

     Q:   What is foreplay for a blonde?
     A:   Thirty minutes of begging.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
     A:   Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
    A1:   You need a quarter to use the phone.
    A2:   Only one person can use the phone at once.

     Q:   What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
     A:   They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

     Q:   What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already writ
     A:   She turned it over and used the other side.

     Q:   What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase
     A    "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

     Q:   How does a blonde commit suicide?
     A:   She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

     Q:   How do you plant dope?
     A:   Bury a blonde.

     Q:   Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
     A:   Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

     Q:   How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
     A:   Wave to her.

     Q:   How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
     A:   With a tire gauge!  (da da dum)

     Q:   How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
     A:   She opens the car door.

     Q:   How does a blonde get pregnant?
     A:   And I thought blondes were dumb!

     Q:   How does a blonde part their hair?
    A1:   (Action of scissoring legs apart)
    A2:   By doing the splits.

     Q:   How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
     A:   Shine a torch in her ears.

     Q:   How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
    A1:   She drops her nail-file!
    A2:   Who cares?
    A3:   She says, "Next".
    A4:   The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
    A5:   He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
    A6:   I mean, who really cares?
    A7:   The batteries have run out.

     Q:   How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
     A:   Shine a flashlight in their ear.

     Q:   Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
     A:   (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

     Q:   How do you kill a blonde?
     A:   Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

     Q:   How do blondes pierce their ears?
     A:   They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

     Q:   How does a blonde like her eggs?
     A:   Unfertilized.

     Q:   How do you drown a blond?
    A1:   Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
    A2:   Don't tell her to swallow.
    A3:   Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

     Q:   How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
     A:   The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

     Q:   How does a blonde high-5?
     A:   She smacks herself in the forehead.

     Q:   How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
     A:   Flattered.

     Q:   What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
     A:   A know-it-all bitch.

     Q:   What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blond
     A:   One's a phony buck.

     Q:   What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician
     A:   A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

     Q:   What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
     A:   One that never misses a period.

     Q:   What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
     A:   An Italian suppository.

     Q:   What is every blonde's ambition in life?
     A:   To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

     Q:   WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE?
     A:   Hair transplants.

     Q:   WHAT DID THE BLOND SAY WHEN SHE WOKE UP UNDER THE COW?
     A:   What are you guys still doing here?

     Q:   WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE?
     A:   Third Grade.

     Q:   WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES?
     A:   She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ric

     Q:   WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER?
     A:   She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.

     Q:   What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
     A:   She stopped sucking.

     Q:   What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the d
     A:   I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.

     Q:   What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
     A:   You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

     Q:   What does a blond say during a porno?
     A:   There I am!!

     Q:   Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
     A:   Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.

     Q:   What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jel
     A:   Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

     Q:   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
    A1:   I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
    A2:   Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it g


     Q:   Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
     A:   She was having sunny periods.

     Q:   What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
     A:   Her feet!

     Q:   How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
     A:   When she farts, her knees bag.

     Q:   What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
     A:   Marriage.

     Q:   How is a blonde like a frying pan?
     A:   You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

     Q:   How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
     A:   A 69 interrupted by a period.

     Q:   How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
     A:   Tell them a joke on Friday night !

     Q:   How do you describe the perfect blonde?
     A:   3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

     Q:   How do you confuse a blonde?
     A:   You don't. They're born that way.

     Q:   Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
     A:   They're too hard to peel.

     Q:   How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate
          chip cookies?
     A:   You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

     Q:   What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
     A:   Proofreading.

     Q:   Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
     A:   For throwing out the W's.

     Q:   Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
     A:   Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

     Q:   Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
     A:   To keep her ankles warm.

     Q:   How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
     A:   Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with h

     Q:   What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
     A:   Way to go team!

     Q:   How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
     A:   By the chipped tooth.

     Q:   How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
     A:   (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

     Q:   How do you keep a blonde busy?
     A:   Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

     Q:   Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
     A:   To keep from bruising their ears.

     Q:   Why do blondes have vaginas?
     A:   So guys will talk to them at parties.

     Q:   Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm
     A:   She loves taking pictures  (flashes, got it?).

     Q:   What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
     A:   Full.

     Q:   What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
     A:   "No, I just lie there."

     Q:   What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
     A:   "Thanks, guys..."

     Q:   What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
     A:   Air pockets.

     Q:   What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blo
     A:   "Space. The final frontier......"

     Q:   How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
     A:   Just One... Boomer Esiason.

     Q:   What's brown and red and black and blue?
     A:   A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

     Q:   What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
     A:   You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

     Q:   How does the blonde car pool work?
     A:   They all meet at work at 7:45.

     Q:   What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
     A:   Her IQ goes up!

     Q:   Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
     A:   She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

     Q:   Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
     A:   They always forget the recipe.

     Q:   Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
     A:   Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!

     Q:   Did you hear about the blonde that said she would do anything for a f
     A:   Well, now she can't button it.(prego)

     Q:   Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
     A:   She tied up the safe and blew the guard.

     Q:   Did you hear about the blonde who had an apendix operation?
     A:   Well, now she is making money on the side.

     Q:   Did you hear about the scared blonde nurse down by the water?
     A:   She won't go DOWN ON THE DOC.

     Q:   Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room f
     A:   She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

     Q:   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ALMOST CAUSED A WRECK?
     A:   The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

     Q:   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE DOCTOR?
     A:   She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

     Q:   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ATE MOUNTAIN OYSTERS?
     A:   She was dragged 200 yards.

     Q:   DID YOU HEAR BOUT THE BLONDE WHO COULN'T WAIT TO SEE "20,000 LEAGUES
     A:   She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were s

     Q:   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER
     A:   She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

     Q:   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES?
     A:   They take off their makeup.

     Q:   Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?
     A:   She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.

     Q:   Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
     A:   To keep their legs together.

     Q:   Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
     A:   So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

     Q:   How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
          Maple Leafs?
     A:   She fell out of the tree.

     Q:   HOW MANY BLONDES DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?
     A:   Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.

     Q:   How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
     A:   One.

     Q:   Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
     A:   She didn't know what ONE came first...

     Q:   Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
    A1:   Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
    A2:   Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.

     Q:   What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
     A:   Divorced.

     Q:   What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
     A:   Divorced.

     Q:   How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
     A:   Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
          blow dryer!

     Q:   How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
     A:   You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

     Q:   How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
     A:   Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

     Q:   How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
     A:   She threw it off a cliff.

     Q:   How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
     A:   She fell out of the tree.

     Q:   How did the blonde die drinking milk?
     A:   The cow fell on her.

     Q:   How did the blonde burn her nose?
     A:   Bobbing for french fries.

     Q:   How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
     A:   She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
          what she did with her pencil.

    Q1:   How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
     A:   There's white-out on the screen.
    Q2:   How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
     A:   There's writing on the white-out.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
     A:   You only have to punch information into a computer once.

     Q:   What did the blonde think of the new computer?
     A:   She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

     Q:   How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
     A:   By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

     Q:   How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
     A:   A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the
          bosses' faces.

     Q:   How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
     A:   By the buckle print on her forehead.

     Q:   How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
     A:   He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression
          in her forehead!

     Q:   How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
     A:   She has a checkbook.

     Q:   How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
     A:   There is a stamp on it.

     Q:   How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
     A:   She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
     A:   The blonde has the higher sperm count.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
     A:   The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

     Q:   What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a
          blonde track team?
     A:   The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

     Q:   What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player
          and a blonde?
     A:   He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
     A:   You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

     Q:   What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
          and a blonde?
     A:   The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
      The nympho says "Are you done already?"
      The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the
          ceiling beige."

     Q:   What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
     A:   A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
     A:   You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

     Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
     A:   A shower has to be turned on to get wet.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
     A:   Your job still sucks after 6 months.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blond having her period and
          a terrorist?
     A:   You can negotiate with a terrorist.

     Q:   What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
     A:   A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
     A:   In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
          blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
     A:   Not everybody has been in a limo.

     Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
    A1:   You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
    A2:   You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
    A3:   There is no difference. They're both round and have
          three holes to poke.
    A4:   You don't eat your bowling ball

     Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of
          York?
     A:   The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.


                   *** Continued in following message ***
===========================================================================
 BBS: N9CSA NABSA BBS
Date: 01-31-94 (10:59)             Number: 745
From: KASZYNSKI.JOSEPH@TNTV7.      Refer#: NONE
  To: DAVE SPARK                    Recvd: YES (PVT)
Subj: Canonical List of Blonde       Conf: (100) INETEMAIL
   ------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Joseph V. Kaszynski 312.444.5425" <KASZYNSKI.JOSEPH@tntv7.ntrs.com>
Subject: Canonical List of Blonde Jokes
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 1994 10:59:00 CST
To: dave.spark@n9csa.com
Message-Id: <01H8D9EW1FMSCXWUY4@tntv7.ntrs.com>

                   *** Continued from Previous message ***

     Q:   What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with
          PMS?
     A:   Lipstick.

     Q:   Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
     A:   You can park in the handicap zone.

     Q:   Why is a blonde like a turtle?
     A:   They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

     Q:   Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
     A:   It takes too long to retrain them.

     Q:   Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
     A:   They're doing research on black holes.

     Q:   Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
     A:   So she can have a doggie bag for later.

     Q:   Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every
          month?
     A:   Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

     Q:   Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
    A1:   So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
    A2:   So that when they're on the train they can tell
          if they're going to work or coming home.

     Q:   Why do men like blonde jokes??
     A:   Because they can understand them.

     Q:   Why do blondes like lightning?
     A:   They think someone is taking their picture.

     Q:   Why do blondes always drink with straws?
     A:   Practice.

     Q:   Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
          flat forehead?
     A:   Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

     Q:   Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
     A:   From eating with forks.

     Q:   Why do blondes have more fun?
    A1:   Because they don't know any better.
    A2:   They are easier to keep amused.
    A3:   Because they are easier to find in the dark.

     Q:   Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
     A:   Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

     Q:   Why do blondes have legs?
    A1:   So they don't get stuck to the ground.
    A2:   To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
    A3:   So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

     Q:   Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
     A:   So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
    A2:   So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

     Q:   Why do blondes drive BMWs?
     A:   Because they can spell it.

     Q:   Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
     A:   *Who cares?*

     Q:   Why do blondes have periods?
     A:   They deserve them

     Q:   Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
     A:   From dating blonde men.

     Q:   What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
     A:   They're both stuck up c*nts!

     Q:   Why do blondes wear tampons?
     A:   Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.

     Q:   Why do blondes drive VW's
     A:   Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

     Q:   Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
     A:   To cover up the valve stem.

     Q:   Why do blonds have square boobs?
     A:   Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

     Q:   Why do Blondes take the pill?
     A:   So they know what day of the week it is.

     Q:   But why do brunettes take the pill ?
     A:   Wishful Thinking.

     Q:   Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
     A:   Toes go in first.

     Q:   Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
     A:   Tits go in front.

     Q:   Why do blondes like tilt steering?
     A:   More head room.

     Q:   Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
     A:   More leg room.

     Q:   Why do blonds have orgasms ?
     A:   So they know when to stop having sex !

     Q:   Why do blondes wear underwear?
     A:   They make good ankle warmers.

     Q:   Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax
          now in effect in Canada)
     A:   Because they can spell it.

     Q:   What is 74 to a blonde?
     A:   69 plus G.S.T.

     Q:   Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
     A:   Because red means stop.

     Q:   Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
     A:   Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

     Q:   Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
     A:   They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

     Q:   Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
     A:   Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

     Q:   Why do blondes wear their hair up?
     A:   To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

     Q:   Why don't blondes double recipes?
     A:   The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.


                   *** Continued in following message ***
===========================================================================
 BBS: N9CSA NABSA BBS
Date: 01-31-94 (10:59)             Number: 746
From: KASZYNSKI.JOSEPH@TNTV7.      Refer#: NONE
  To: DAVE SPARK                    Recvd: YES (PVT)
Subj: Canonical List of Blonde       Conf: (100) INETEMAIL
   ------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Joseph V. Kaszynski 312.444.5425" <KASZYNSKI.JOSEPH@tntv7.ntrs.com>
Subject: Canonical List of Blonde Jokes
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 1994 10:59:00 CST
To: dave.spark@n9csa.com
Message-Id: <01H8D9EW1FMSCXWUY4@tntv7.ntrs.com>

                   *** Continued from Previous message ***

     Q:   Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
     A:   They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

     Q:   Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
    A1:   They can't remember the number.
    A2:   She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

     Q:   Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
     A:   They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

     Q:   Why don't blondes eat bananas?
     A:   They can't find the zipper.

     Q:   Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini
          skirts?
     A:   Cause their balls show!

     Q:   Why don't blonds breast feed?
     A:   Because they always burn their niples.

     Q:   Why don't blondes use vibrators?
     A:   They chip their teeth.

     Q:   Why don't blondes eat Jello?
     A:   They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into
          those little packages.

     Q:   Why don't blondes eat pickles?
     A:   Because they can't get their head in the jar.

     Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
    A1:   Introduces themself.
    A2:   Walks home.

     Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
     A:   Opens the car door.

     Q:   What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
     A:   Bucket seats.

     Q:   What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate
          before  having sex?
     A:   Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

     Q:   How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A1:   "What's a lightbulb?"
    A2:   One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
    A3:   Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

     Q:   What's a blonde's favourite wine?
     A:   "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

     Q:   What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
     A:   Not everyone has been in a 747

     Q:   What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
     A:   A brunette with bad breath.

     Q:   Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
          blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10
          bill. Who picks it up?
     A:   The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa
          Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
    A2:   None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought
          it was a gum wrapper.

     Q:   If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who
          hits the ground first?
     A:   The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
     A:   You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

     Q:   What's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone?
     A:   Ice cream cones don't lick back.

     Q:   What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
     A:   Butter is difficult to spread.

     Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
     A:   They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

     Q:   What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
     A:   Bigfoot has been spotted.

     Q:   Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
     A:   Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
          won't follow you around for a week.

     Q:   What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
     A:   "Nice tits!"

     Q:   What does a blonde make best for dinner?
     A:   Reservations.

     Q:   What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
          recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
     A:   Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

     Q:   What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
     A:   Pack their lunch and send them to work.

     Q:   What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
     A:   Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

     Q:   What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
     A:   They both get easier to pick-up with age.

     Q:   What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
     A:   It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

     Q:   What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
    A1:   They both have a black box.
    A2:   Both have a cockpit.

     Q:   What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her
          thoughts?
     A:   Change.

     Q:   What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
     A:   "Thanks for the refill!"

     Q:   What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
     A:   They pull up their pants.

     Q:   What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
     A:   Last years hide and go seek winner.

     Q:   What do you call a basement full of blondes?
     A:   A whine cellar.

     Q:   What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
     A:   Air bubbles.

     Q:   What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half
          with yeast infections?
     A:   A whine and cheese party!

                   *** Continued in following message ***
===========================================================================
 BBS: N9CSA NABSA BBS
Date: 01-31-94 (10:59)             Number: 747
From: KASZYNSKI.JOSEPH@TNTV7.      Refer#: NONE
  To: DAVE SPARK                    Recvd: YES (PVT)
Subj: Canonical List of Blonde       Conf: (100) INETEMAIL
   ------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Joseph V. Kaszynski 312.444.5425" <KASZYNSKI.JOSEPH@tntv7.ntrs.com>
Subject: Canonical List of Blonde Jokes
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 1994 10:59:00 CST
To: dave.spark@n9csa.com
Message-Id: <01H8D9EW1FMSCXWUY4@tntv7.ntrs.com>

                   *** Continued from Previous message ***


     Q:   What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a
          street corner?
     A:   4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!

     Q:   What do you call a blonde lesbian?
     A:   A waste.

     Q:   What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
     A:   An air mattress.

     Q:   What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
     A:   An Air Bag.

     Q:   What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
     A:   A mental block.

     Q:   What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
     A:   A wind tunnel.

     Q:   What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
     A:   A dope ring.

     Q:   What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
     A:   Divorcee'

     Q:   What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
     A:   Pregnant.

     Q:   What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
          learning?
     A:   A visitor.

     Q:   What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
     A:   Gifted!

     Q:   What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
          head?
     A:   All you can eat, under a buck.

     Q:   What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
     A:   An interpreter.