========
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Subject: Hillary & Bill
From: "Tom Drouillard" <drouitm@kent.net>
Date: 4 Feb 1997 04:18:25 GMT

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season.  The umpire
walks up to the VIP section and yells something, and suddenly Clinton grabs
Hillary by the collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. 

The stunned umpired shouted,"No, Mr. President! I said, `Throw the first
PITCH!'".

**********************************************************************

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's
special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good, I'll
have that," Hillary says.

The waiter nods:  "And the vegetable?" he asks.  "Oh, HE'll have the fish,"
Hillary replies.

**********************************************************************

Q. Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
A. The nation.

Q. What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a dishonest
lawyer?
A. Chelsea!

Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after having Sex?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

*********************************************************************

Clinton is looking out of the window and he notices that someone has
urinated the message, "BILL SUCKS!" on the White House Lawn.  Furious, he
orders the FBI to take urine and handwriting samples from every member of
the White House staff and find the culprit immediately.  A week later, the
FBI director calls. "Mr. President, I have good news and bad news," he
says. "The good news is that the urine belongs to Bob Dole." 

"And the bad news?" Clinton demands. 

After a slight pause, the director replies, "Sir, eh, eh, the handwriting
belongs to your wife!"

**********************************************************************

Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air
Force One with two pigs under his arms.  At the bottom of the steps, the
honor guardsman steps forward and remarks, "Nice pigs, Mr. President"

Clinton replies, "I'll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas
Razor Back Hogs.  I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary.. 
So, now what do you think?"

The honor guardsman answers: "Nice trade, Sir."

*********************************************************************

Dole was asked the presidential underwear question: boxers or briefs?

After a moment's reflection, he answered, Depends....."

*********************************************************************

Quayle, Gingrich, and Packwood are traveling in a car together in the
midwest.  A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses
them thousands of yards away. When they come to and extract themselves from
the vehicle, they realize they're in the Land of Oz.  They decide to go see
the Wizard of Oz. 

Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."  

Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."

Packwood says, "Where's Dorothy?