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The alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die FAQ
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT BARNEY THE DINOSAUR
"Myths and facts about Barney the dinosaur" is not meant to replace or
supplement the FAQ or miniFAQ. It is just here to get across the same
ideas in a new style.
Myth #1: Barney is purple.
Barney is a disgusting of-tone magenta, much like the color of a rotting
corpse or a pile of regurgitated grapes. He was created this way. Before
Barney went on the air, his producers spent literally thousands of dollars
trying to find what main character would fit their criteria, which
included getting the attention of small children fast, being a replacement
for the children's parents, being appealing and addictive ect. They found
that an obese magenta creature, very fuzzy and with a massive mouth and
annoying voice was what small children would be addicted to seeing. That
left them with a choice: Barney would either be an alien, a rotting dead
tiger brought back from the dead (with the hair shaved off), or a magenta
dinosaur. Children have been attracted to dinosaurs, so they decided to
label him as one. However, a quick glance at Barney shows that he does not
look like a dinosaur at all. Go figure.
Myth #2: Barney is educational.
I personally have watched half of score of Barney episodes and I have yet
to see Barney and Friends teaching anything relating to the real world.
While he may say that school is good, or it's good to use polite manners,
he never shows these as they are in the real world. Instead of showing a
real school, he shows a candy-coated imitation of a stereotypical school,
that most children would not be able to relate to. And instead of showing
true manners, his children dress up in costumes, and dance around talking
with imitated stereotypical British accents. (And I've hear real British
accents and they aren't one mite like those bloody accents on that
chapper's show.) So in short, Barney never taught anything about good
manners, he just told children that good manners means dancing and
I personally would rather die than label Barney and Friends as
educational. He is more of an escapist fantasy for small children, most of
which have not even learned to separate dreams and nightmares from reality
Myth #3: Barney isn't as bad as those millions of violent cartoons on TV.
Okay, I'm sixteen, and I can easily remember a decade back, when I was
just a year or two older than Barney's target audience. Now, to me there
were two types of shows on television: cartoons, and news broadcasts. In
my mind, if it wasn't cartoon, it must be a live broadcast of something
happening in the real world. Most of my kid friends seemed to be the same.
Therefore cartoons do less damage, because the children know they are
watching fiction. However, when they watch Barney, they think that it's
real life. Once they've sacrificed their attention to Barney, they learn
from him that conformity is the only way to live, that singing and dancing
will solve any problem, that all bad feelings should be suppressed and
locked away, that if you nag your parents to buy you yet another Barney
doll, he'll love you, ect. I doubt if all Jihaddi agree with my thoughts
on cartoons, but seeing that I watched the Smurfs (Another enemy of the
Jihad) every day for about four years of my childhood, I personally think
most cartoons are harmless.
Myth #4: The Jihad should stop attacking Barney and focus on the Power
Some people may not agree with this idea, but personally I say that the
Power Rangers are already doomed. Most people know about the murder of a
child by her playmates in Scandinavia, where the Power Ranges were banned
overnight. The Power Rangers are generally hated by parents, who all see
the violence that it inspires in children. (You'll notice that the Power
Rangers are not a cartoon. This does not contradict the correction to the
last myth.) Barney however, is thought of as education, clean fun for
children, and some even feel that more children should watch Barney. This
is what we want to fight. We are not the type of people to kick an enemy
when they're down.
Myth #5: The Jihad should focus on violent TV in general rather than
Barney and the Power Rangers.
Most parents can handle this themselves. If we told people not to let
children watch violent adult's shows, people would just say that we're
just peddling common sense. (The fact that we are right now is not the point.)
Myth #6: The Jihad hates Barney for political reasons.
Nothing could be farther than the truth. We state clearly in the CP that
Barney is in no way political, and therefore, us being at war with Barney,
must be apolitical also. We do not wish to gain political power on the
internet either. We do not "invade" other newsgroups, and we don't "spy"
Myth #7: The Jihad is pro-censorship.
We do not wish to censor Barney through government or organized means. We
simply want to empower the parents, and let them decide for themselves
what is damaging for their children. (Later I will mention how the Power
Rangers have been banned in Scandinavia. The majority of us find that a
bit extreme.) We try to keep them educated on the dangers of Barney, so as
to put them on the best course. Quite simply, we feel that no parent
should allow their children to watch Barney, just like they don't let them
In fact, we feel that the real censor here is Barney. He censors the
emotions of small children, by teaching children that all bad feelings
should be suppressed. He censors creativity, through teaching that the
only way to be happy is to be a mindless conformist.
Myth #8: The Jihad hates Barney just because they need to vent anger.
While some people may vent their anger on Barney, and mistake
alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die as a place for doing it, we hate Barney
for real reasons. We do not have bad lives, we are not miserable, or
loners ect. Those people who hate Barney only to vent anger might, (or
might not) but we are not involved with them.
Myth #9: Alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die is a joke newsgroup.
No, sorry, but we're not. If you want to make a potentially offending
joke, try alt.tasteless.jokes. If you want to pick a fight, go to
alt.flame. If you want to make political remarks about Barney, or vent
your rage upon him mindlessly, try alt.tv.barney. And if you want to tell
us how to make fast cash, get off the net. Our newsgroup is just a serious
as most talk.* newsgroups are.
Myth #10: Most parents have more of their children's attention than Barney
We all wish this was true, but sadly it isn't. Barney has had thousands of
dollars spent on him to make him get more of the attention of small
children. How much has the average parent spent?
The attention span of people does not relate to time. An hour of staring
at a blank wall does not have more effect on a person then 30 seconds of
watching an attention-grabbing commercial. Now considering that children
may watch Barney for 30 minutes a day, play with Barney toys for an hour
and think perverted thoughts inspired by Barney for another 30 minutes,
you've got two hours of high level attention focused on Barney. Now seeing
that Parents are usually in the background for most children, and when
they are in foreground they are doing activities that count for low
attention, much like the blank wall I mentioned would, Barney gets far
more attention. I clearly remember myself as a child, and even though I
must have the best parents on the planet I still thought I hatched from an
egg. That's just human nature, and Barney knows how to exploit that.
This has been the myths and facts about Barney the dinosaur. For more
information, read the Jihad FAQ, or simply ask us at
Myth #11: The Jihad is a cult, like the Branch Dividians.
No, we're not. And to the people who think this, you've got too much time
on your hands and you really need to get a life...
Myth #12: There is a Barney fan club
No, there isn't. Who would be stupid enough to start one?
But then, this is all just common sense...
Problem solving thru random violence!
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