AOH :: DUMB!!!.TXT|
How a guy killed his dog and sank his Jeep in 40 seconds...
How *not* to make a hole in the ice.
A guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand
dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately
gets hold of his friend to do some male bonding. They want
to go duck hunting, but at this time of year all of the
lakes are frozen.
These 2 Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the dog,
the beer and, of course, the new vehicle. They drive out onto
the ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a
natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys
to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order to make a hole
large enough to look like something a wandering duck wants to
fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort
than an ice hole drill.
Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of
dynamite with a short, 40 second fuse.
Now these 2 Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that
if they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location
far from where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee),
they take the risk of slipping on the ice when they try to run
from the burning fuse and take a chance on going up in smoke
with the resulting blast. So they decide to light this 40 second
fuse and throw the dynamite, and that's what they end up doing.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the
vehicle, the beer, the guns AND THE DOG ???? Yes, the dog.
A highly-trained Black Lab used for retrieving, especially
things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a full tilt boogie across
the ice and gets to the stick of dynamite just a couple of
seconds after it hits the ice. He picks it up and starts to
return it to our heroes, and can't figure out why they're
stomping, yelling, and waving their arms. But, after all,
they're humans, so the dog isn't too worried.
Happily performing his doggy duty, Fido bounces toward his
master with the sizzling stick of dynamite, when one of the
guys starts to think, something that he has never done before
this moment. He grabs a shotgun and shoots the dog. The
shotgun is loaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big enough to
stop a Black Lab on its appointed rounds. The Dog stops for
a moment, stung and bewildered, and then starts forward again.
Another shot rings out and this time the dog, shaken but still
standing, becomes really alarmed. Thinking these 2 Nobel Prize
winners have gone insane, he takes off to find cover, with the
now *really* short fuse still burning on the stick of dynamite.
So where does the dog hide? Underneath the brand new Grand
Cherokee, of course.
The dog caught the very next train to Puppy Heaven, and the
brand new Grand Cherokee, 30 some thousand dollar and 400+
monthly payment, sank to the bottom of the lake, leaving
these 2 candidates for Co-leaders of the Known Universe
standing there with this "I can't believe this happened"
look on their faces.
Later, the owner of the vehicle tells his insurance company
what happened, and the insurance company tells him that - big
surprise - sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of
explosives is _not_ covered. (He had yet to make the first
of those 400+ a month payments either.)
It still doesn't seem like adequate payback for what they did
to that dog, though. When they made the movie Fargo they
should have waited a few more months and this could have
been added into it.
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