19 WAYS TO BE OFFENSIVE AT A FUNERAL

1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she have sex with you
2. Tell thundertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens
3. Punch the body and tell the people that he hit you first
4. Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover
5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased
6. At the cemetrey, play taps ona kazoo
7. Walk around telling people that you haev seen a copy of the will and that thye aren't on it
8. Ask the widow to give you an enema
9. Drive behind the widows limo and keep honking your horn
10. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died adn ask if he could sneak him into the coffin
11. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased
12. Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow
13. Leave some phony dog shit on top of the deceased
14. Tell the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to some poor guy who can't afford firewood
15. Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will could be read before the funeral is over
16. Walk around telling people that the decased really didn't like them
17. Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp
18. ASk the widow fof money which the deceased owes you
19. Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's gambling debts



--- Maximus 2.00
 * Origin: VERSAILLES BBS: Victoria BC (604)477-4688 (1:340/43)
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