AOH :: TJOKES7.TXT|
jokes of the day
From: MX%"firstname.lastname@example.org" 10-JUL-1992 17:23:38.86
X-Mailer: fastmail [version 2.3 PL11]
From: Matthew Robert Koster <email@example.com>
Here's a joke I heard on 07-7-92 on David Letterman. It is quoted
(almost the exact words) from Jimmy Walker:
Did you hear that Bill CLinton is going to withdrawl from the
presidential race and join the summer olympics?
He's going for broad jumping.
From: "Dan Seidman" <seidman%daniel.idx.com@kira.EMBA.UVM.EDU>
Subject: True story
I recently rented a van, specifically a Chevrolet Astro, for a
vacation. I highly recommend the experience, for one reason: the
cassette tape that substitutes for the owner's manual has some very
funny lines. The best of these is:
"Take the time to explore the interior of your Astro."
From: Sue Kwak <suziq@pyrite.SOM.CWRU.Edu>
Subject: Male Chauvinist joke
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.
This man went to the Dr for his checkup. The Dr after examining the man
said 'Well I've got some bad news and some not so bad news. The bad news
is that you've got AIDS, but the not so bad news is that you've also got
Alzheimers so you'll forget all about it.
What happens when you eat uranium?
You get atomic ache.
Heard about the new restaurant on the Moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere!
A duck noticed a hunter aiming his rifle at another duck floating in the
middle of a lake and, concerned for his fellow duck, yelled (quacked?),
Well, the other duck didn't hear him, and the hunter fired away, and the
next thing the first duck knew there were splinters flying every which way.
The duck shrugged, and muttered to himself,
Once, a group of American Amish farmers were travelling on an exchange
program in Ireland. They stopped to inspect a peat bog, and were dismayed
to see how the local farmers were collecting the peat: they would dig up
a few bricks worth and pile it on the back of the town fool, who only had
a vague notion of what was going on, and he would then stumble over to a
wagon and fling it in. Well, the American Amish farmers were shocked at this
display of cruelty and exploitation, and demanded that the practice should
stop at once. The next day, the newspaper headlines read:
Americans express: "Don't heave loam with thou twit!"
You see, there were these two old men who loved baseball. They
loved to go to games, watch games, listen to games on the radio,
and talk baseball. However, they both knew they were reaching the
end of their lives and thus decided to make a pact with each other.
Whichever of the two was to die first, he would try to come back in
some way and let the other know if there was baseball in heaven.
Well, as the story goes, one of the men soon took sick and
passed away, leaving his friend alone. But not more than a week
had passed since the funeral when a ghost appeared to the old man
as he was watching the Red Sox-Yankees game. (Ed.-Death=Red Sox)
He looked closely and realized that it was indeed the ghost of
his old friend. He had been able to come back!
"You've made it back!" said the old man.
"Yes, but I've got good news and bad news," said the ghost.
"Tell me, my friend, is there baseball in heaven?" said the old man.
"Well, yes, there is, that's the good news."
"Wonderful! Now, what's the bad news?"
"The bad news is...You're pitching tomorrow."
Did you here about the Chinese girl who won the lottery?
She was one fortunate cookie...
There once was this swami who lived above a delicatessin(sp?) and
one day had decided to make a stop in to the deli for some liver. Well
he went in and ordered the liver. And while the clerk was weighing out
the liver the boss(who was known to be real cheap-skate) whispered to
the clerk, "Weigh down upon the swami's liver."
[have a weekend, poll results next week. Send me jokes-- I have no life of
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