AOH :: NETWIT32.TXT|
NetWit Vol.2 #32
From: MX%"firstname.lastname@example.org" 19-AUG-1992 22:02:43.49
Subj: Netwit Volume 2, Number 32
X-Mailer: fastmail [version 2.3 PL11]
Submitted by: Michael.Maine@EBay.Sun.COM (MICHAEL MAINE)
Subject: blondes jokes
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio.
The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde
was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw
another blonde out in a corn field in a boat, rowing. The blonde stopped
her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that
give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you
what's coming to you!"
Submitted by: email@example.com ( Jeffrey A Erickson )
Author: firstname.lastname@example.org a.k.a (chris schneider)
Subject: [Wow, I'm a Limerick]
There once was a man named Jeffrey,
Who kept mailing rotten jokes to me,
A quick call to his wife,
Mentioning his trans-sexual life,
Left Chris with nothing but glee.
[Now, of course, If I *had* a wife, I might have something better to do
with my time than mail jokes...]
Submitted by: Michael Cush <email@example.com>
Subject: Real life funny...
I heard this funny occurance the other day and thought that I
would share it with you - hope you haven't heard it before!
What was seen on a McDonald's sign one evening about 10 pm.
What was seen on the same McDonald's sign about 3 am.
[I, of course, make no such value judgements about people who enter the high
pressure world of fast-food]
Submitted by: firstname.lastname@example.org (Sheeran Frank)
Subject: Liquid consonants should be hard boiled.
In Japan, you can give a little extra panache to a shop by giving it a French
name, just like America. But, Japanese only has one liquid consonant so
they have trouble getting L's and R's straight in foriegn languages. So, I
wasn't so shocked to see a coffee shop called ``Le Gland''. (Near Machida
Station in Saitama.)
Submitted by: J.RING5@genie.com (JANE R. RING)
Subject: Musical Pick-up puns
Swiped from: rec.humor.funny (moderated):
A pick-up expressed in musical terms:
hymn (the guy)
bar line (where he meets her)
sax (what he wants)
suite (what he says she is)
sheet music (what she puts on the CD player in her room)
sol-fa (what they lie down on)
"Triad!" (he suggests tying her up with a major chord)
"Duet!" (her answer)
staff (what he pulls out next)
score (what he does)
no treble (what he's had)
a trill (what he assumes she's had)
a C note (what she hopes for)
forte (what she's willing to accept)
a tenor (what he ends up paying)
"Bass!" (what she calls him)
"Pitch!" (what he calls her)
Submitted by: email@example.com (Megan Mills)
Swiped from: rec.humor:
A couple went to mass and took confession. The husband went into the
confessional and said `Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.' The
father asked him the nature of this - to which he replied `While my
wife was bending over the freezer I had lustful thoughts and had my
way with her.'
The Priest tried explaining that having sex with your own wife was not a sin
and forgiveness was not needed. Still the man insisted that he felt guilty.
The priest told him to say three Hail Mary's and be on his way.
Next the wife went into the confessional and said that while she was leaning
over the freezer her husband had had his way with her. The priest asked her
how long she had been married. She replied it was three years now. The priest
tried to explain to her that it was quite proper for married people to have sex
and that there was nothing to be guilty about.
Still the woman insisted that she felt guilty so the priest told her to say
three Hail Mary's and think no more about it.
As she turned to leave the woman asked the priest if her and her husband would
be banned from the church. `Banned from the church?! Whatever gave you that
idea?' the priest queried.
`Well,' she said, `they banned us from the supermarket.' !! ;-}
__________________________Send Jokes--Have a nice day._________________________
The above collection of characters was mailed to you by Jeffrey H. Knodel.
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