AOH :: BYUJOKES.TXT|
Jokes for Brigham Young University; applicable just about anywhere.
THIS IS A LIST OF THE LATEST BYU JOKES WRITTEN IN 40/80 COLLUMN FORMAT. THIS
LIST HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE RUNNING UTE AND FRIENDS. IF YOU FOR
SOME REASON LIKE BYU, THEN I SUGGEST THAT YOU CHANGE THE NAME TO THE SCHOOL
THAT YOU DESIRE. WELL HAVE FUN!!!
Q: Did you hear about the driver who swerved to avoid hitting a BYU coed?
A: He ran out of gas.
Q: What's a BYU coed's favorite exercise?
A: Jogging to the refrigerator.
Q: What did the BYU coed say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill, honey.
Q: Why did San Francisco get all the lesbians and Provo get all the BYU coeds?
A: San Francisco had first choice.
S: A BYU coed bragged, "I can marry anyone I please." "Why don't you, then,"
her friend asked. "I don't please anybody," she admitted.
Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and an elephant?
A: About five pounds.
Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Force feed the elephant.
Q: How does a BYU coed spell FARM?
S: A BYU coed was walking down University Avenue with a pig under her arm.
She met a girlfriend who asked "Where did you get the pig?" And the pig
answered, "I won her in a raffle."
Q: Did you hear about the new BYU coed doll they're selling in the bookstore?
A: Put a ring on its finger and its hips expand.
Q: What do you give a hungry BYU coed?
A: Anything she wants.
S: A BYU coed got embarrassed at a masquerade ball. At midnight, when the
hostess asked all the guests to remove their masks, the coed cried, "I
don't have one on!"
Q: What's the most important thing in a BYU coed's makeup kit?
A: A paint roller.
Q: What is the difference between a BYU coed and a Ferarri?
A: Not everyone has been in a Ferarri.
Q: Why do they call BYU coeds "Amazon"?
A: Because they are wide at the mouth.
Q: How do you get a BYU coed into an elevator?
A: Grease her hips and throw a Twinkie in the elevator.
Q: What do you call a good-looking girl on the BYU campus?
A: A visitor.
S: A BYU coed was watching a tennis match when a BYU guy walked by and asked,
"Whose game?" "I am," she said.
Q: Did you hear about the BYU coed who baked a sponge cake for her boyfriend?
A: She used the wrong kind of sponges.
S: Two BYU coeds were studying astronomy together. "What's a comet?" asked
one. "I think it's a star with a tail," her friend answered. "Ho, I see,
Q: Why did the BYU coed flunk her history test?
A: "They kept asking questions about things that happened years and years
before I was born."
S: A BYU coed ordered 48 hamburgers at a drive-in restaurant. "Are they all
for you?" asked the waitress. "No, two of my roommates are in the car
Q: What's prairie dog?
A: A BYU coed from Kansas.
S: BYU coeds are so modest they pull the curtains before changing their minds.
Q: What is the best thing to come out of BYU?
A: 1230 North.
Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a freezer?
A: About five degrees.
Q: Why is a freezer better?
A: You can defrost it.
S: Never criticize a BYU coed's figure. She might hold it against you.
Q: Why did it take the BYU coed so long to cook the turkey?
A: The recipe said to cook it for 30 minutes per pound and she weighed 150.
Q: What's the differnce between a BYU coed and a police car?
A: It takes two police cars to create a roadblock.
S: Some girls are ugly, but BYU coeds are the exception. BYU coeds are
Q: How are BYU coeds like paint?
A: Get them all stirred up and you can't get them off your hands.
S: A BYU coed went to the health center. "I have a cold in my head," she
told the nurse. "Well, that's better than nothing," the nurse replied.
Q: Did you hear about the truckload of pigs that got loose on the BYU campus?
A: They had to check I.D.s to reload the truck.
Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a refrigerator?
A: The coed can hold more food.
Q: Why do BYU coeds like to be alone?
A: Because two's a crowd.
Q: What is the thinnest part of a BYU coed?
A: The hair on her palms.
S: Did you hear about the carload of BYU coeds who froze to death at the
drive-in movie? They went to see the movie, "Closed for winter."
Q: Why did they have to enlarge BYU's stadium?
A: So more coeds could sit in the stands.
Q: Did you hear about the engaged BYU coed who stayed up all night studying
for her blood test?
S: BYU coeds can be had for a song-- "The Wedding March."
S: There's one good thing about a BYU coed's body--it isn't as ugly as her
Q: What's 36-24-32?
A: A BYU coed's leg.
S: It takes at least three BYU coeds to play hid-n-seek. One goes to hide
and the other two try to figure out who left.
Q: How do you tell a smart BYU coed?
A: Her lips don't move when she reads to herself.
S: One BYU coed put on a clean pair of socks every day. By the end of the
week she couldn't get her shoes on.
S: BYU coeds have that far-away look. The farther away they get, the
better they look.
Q: How did the BYU coed get rid of her freckles?
A: She washed her mirror.
Q: Did you hear about the lucky BYU coed who had a date every Friday night
A: She kept them in her refrigerator so they'd stay fresh all semester long.
Q: How is a BYU coed like Ms. Pac-Man?
A: They both eat everything in sight.
Q: Why did BYU Security raid a candle-passing in the girl's dorm?
A: They thought they were breaking up a dope ring.
Q: What's a BYU coed's favorite dress shop?
A: Acme Tent & Awning.
Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a rooster?
A: Roosters say "cockadoodledo" but BYU coeds say "any dude'll do."
Q: Why didn't the BYU coed use her water skis?
A: She couldn't find a lake on a hill.
S: Some BYU coeds would make great fullbacks. Expecially the ones with the
license plates on their charm bracelets.
S: A BYU coed asked a store clerk, "Can I put this wallpaper on myself?"
"Yes, but it will look better on the wall," he said.
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of BYU coeds?
A: The Bay of Pigs.
S: There are two kinds of BYU coeds--good-looking ones and sweet spirits.
Q: Did you hear about the BYU coeds who were stuck on the escalator at
University Mall for two housr during a power outage?
Q: What has an I.Q. of 144?
A: Twelve BYU coeds.
S: A BYU coed missed this question on her religion test: "Where was Solomon's
temple?" She answered, "On the side of his head."
S: Someone once asked a BYU coed, "Are all girls as stupid as you are?" She
answered, "No. Look how many single girls there are at BYU."
S: A BYU guy approached a BYU coed with this old line, "Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?" She replied, "Yes. I have been somewhere before."
Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a palm tree?
A: A palm tree has dates.
Q: How do you get a BYU coed to go off her diet?
A: Open a Twinkie within two miles of Provo.
Q: What's worse than being a BYU coed?
A: Being behind one in a cafeteria line.
S: If a BYU coed ever said what she thought she'd be speechless.
Q: How do you get 100 BYU coeds into a Volkswagen?
A: Toss in a diamond ring.
Q: How does a guy get them out again?
A: Tell the BYU coeds he's a non-member.
Q: Why do BYU coeds wear stripes?
A: So you can tell if they're standing up or lying down.
Q: Why do BYU coeds have such a terrible time in the morning?
A: They're so fat they rock themselves to sleep trying to get up.
Q: What happens when a BYU coed walks into a room?
A: The mice jump up on chairs.
Q: What's the thinnest book in the BYU library?
A: "BYU's Beauty Queens."
Q: What do you get when you cross a BYU coed with a pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
S: "Do you remember when you were born?" a friend asked a BYU coed.
"No, I was too young."
Q: What's BYU's answer to self-control on a date?
A: Take the sack off th
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