*********** From -> dave
*********** To   -> anyone

I am a 23yr old male. This is the first time I have put a message here.  I do not know why I put a message in this section, but it seems the people who respond to this section often have the best things to say. I am in the loneliest period of my life. I have not had a relationship with a woman in almost three years. I am in college and should be having the time of my life, but exactly the opposite is occuring. If I babble in this message, please excuse me, my thoughts are not always completely clear. So much to think about... 

I am actually not a "shy" person. I like talking to people and socializing. Its just that women do not like to talk to me. I suspect that many of the women I know think that I am gay because I do not jump all over them or try to get them into bed when I first meet them. My parents taught me to treat everyone the way I want to be treated... with respect and consideration. I always talk to women as people first. This seems to get nowhere. I have friends who talk to women as if they are vegetables and they seem to always have a plethora of women around. I can't figure this out. Is it women my age or am I just crazy in trying to talk to someone as a person first? Women have told me that I am good looking and a good conversationalist many times and that I should just wait because I will find the right girl. But three years!? I think I am just about to go crazy!! Maybe I am just whining... I don't know. I have seen so many women treated like garbage and watch them put up with it. I just don't understand why women stay in abusive realtionships. I have always treated every women I have had a relationship with respect. I hope this makes some sense. I am just too confused at the moment.
                              -David
                         


*********** From -> David
*********** To   -> dave

Dave,

My personal favorite: "You're such a good friend, it's nice having a male friend that you don't feel ANY romantic attraction for."

-David (who's heard this a few too many times, but kept silent because I know they *intended* it as a compliment...)


*********** From -> Charles
*********** To   -> David

David,

Two of the quotes I get an awful lot of the time.

"You'll make a great father!"

and

"I feel so comfortable around you."

Sigh!

Charles S.


*********** From -> Ken
*********** To   -> Charles


Add one more:

"You're so nice, I can't understand why you're not married yet."

Usually delivered after one of the others above!

Ken


*********** From -> KarlR.
*********** To   -> Charles


David,

 A friend of mine always says he gets:

 "You're such a good friend - almost a brother to me"!



KarlR 19-Aug-1994 16:38:18


*********** From -> StevenL
*********** To   -> Charles


How about the good old fashioned (and heard every time!)..  "You're such a good FRIEND"  :)


*********** From -> Richard
*********** To   -> David


My personal favorite: "You're such a good friend, it's nice having a male friend that you don't feel ANY romantic attraction for."
>>>

Or my favorite being considered "safe".
-Rich



*********** From -> Caiti
*********** To   -> dave

David,

You *sound* confused, and you should be! Women, as well as men, send off some
pretty crazy signals. With the plethora of men out there who are very, very
forward in their advances, women sometimes mistake 'respect' with not being
interested. I am going through the same thing - I am interested in a man who
shows signs of interest, but I am used to the wham-bam kind of guys, so I
have been hanging out here asking people what they think - is he interested
or not? It's hard to tell, but on the other hand, I LIKE him subtle - jeez,
this dating thing sucks sometimes, right?

Caiti



*********** From -> dave
*********** To   -> Caiti

thanks for the response. I had a plethora of bad things happen to me last night. I was dancing with this beautiful woman and having a great time until I saw here motion to her friends about me, which they in return gave a "thumbs down" in the tradition of the Christians to the Lions. She then stopped dancing with me and ignored me for the rest of the night. Then to make things worse, I was mugged on the way home. They got everything. What a night... You just don't get a night like that very often.<G> Hope to hear from you again.

                 -David 

             


*********** From -> Caiti
*********** To   -> dave

David,

How terrible! What a bunch of b*tches! I have NEVER seen women act like that.
No wonder they were there alone.

Caiti



*********** From -> dave
*********** To   -> Caiti

Caiti,

The thing that disturbed me the most was that I don't think it was her own decision. We were having a great time until I caught her friends making "signals" with her (which I know I was not supposed to see) Maybe I'm just in denial.<G> I can't say the feeling of being rated and not up to "par" was a pleasurable one. That really has an effect on a person's self-confidence.

                        -David


*********** From -> Sonya
*********** To   -> dave


 >> I can't say the feeling of being rated and not up to "par" was a
 >> pleasurable one. That really has an effect on a person's
 >> self-confidence.

I bet!  You know what I think?  SCREW EM!  You don't want to be involved with a person like that anyway!  You certainly can't want a shallow, princess of a date, do you?

Sonya


*********** From -> KarlR.
*********** To   -> Caiti


I hate to say it Caiti, but I've had it happen to me!  Not the thumbs down, but rejection of the "LOL! Are you kidding?" style.

 It's *very* disheartening.



KarlR 19-Aug-1994 16:51:35


*********** From -> Sonya
*********** To   -> Caiti


 >> I have NEVER seen women act like that. No wonder they were there alone.

I've seen it a lot... especially when I was in the bar scene a lot.  We used to rate the guys, but we never did the thumbs down or gave any signals.. but we did rate the butts as they went by <g>

I used to hate it when I would see a group of women being rude (laughing at men who approached them, etc).  I had a small group that used to be part of my group of friends that were "outcast" for that type of activity.

If anyone approached us, unless we were involved in something heavy (read-girl talk) we always welcomed them to join us.

<sigh>  but not everyone is so able to cast off society's pressures.

Sonya


*********** From -> Mary
*********** To   -> dave

Dave,

wow, what a creepy thing to do.  Can you imagine what the poor fool who gets thumbs up is going to have to go through?  I wonder how often she invokes her review board?  

Hang in there, not all women are such fools.  

Mary


*********** From -> dave
*********** To   -> Mary


Mary,

I have hope for women.<G> It's just the feeling of being rated was not fun. Just a bad night I guess. I hope not the marking of a trend for me. It's been bad these last few years, but that tops it.
                     -David 


*********** From -> KarlR.
*********** To   -> dave


Bad news eh?

 Some women are real cows - thankfully these are in the minority, although it's difficult to believe that after something like this happens.

 Keep trying..it could have been thumbs up (from the girl - not her friends)..may well be next time!



KarlR 19-Aug-1994 16:50:08


*********** From -> KarlR.
*********** To   -> Caiti


Hi Caiti,

 PFMJI, but I should approach your fellow directly and ask if he wants a date. Most men are unembarrassed about being approached, but terrified of approaching!

 Get him - he sounds OK to me!<g>



KarlR 19-Aug-1994 16:45:24


*********** From -> Eric
*********** To   -> Caiti


>>this dating thing sucks sometimes, right?

You took the word right out of my mouth!!!<g>

Eric


*********** From -> Mo'
*********** To   -> Caiti


>> this dating thing sucks sometimes, right? <<

Caiti,

 Only on really successful dates! <weg>

Bare Hugs,

Mo'
 


*********** From -> Adrian
*********** To   -> dave

Dave -

I feel as baffled as you do about why some women seem to expect (and even to enjoy) treatment of a disrespectful and sometimes even brutal nature.

I am now 33, and find that as I get older I find correspondingly older women more attractive. (I'm a happily married man, but hey, I can still *look* can't I??) Now I find that as a general rule women seem to appreciate respect and sensitivity to their feelings more as they reach their late twenties or early thirties. This is only a personal observation, and it may be more to do with the way I have changed rather than anything else! <g> I am quite prepared to be shot down in flames over this sweeping generalisation!

So am I suggesting you try going out with older women? Well why not if that idea appeals to you! What I am saying, definitely, is that there are ladies out there who will appreciate and nurture you for the way in which you treat them. They are not always easy to find, and perhaps the college atmosphere does little to encourage sensitive relationships, maybe all folk want is gratification.

But be true to your own values - they are becoming increasingly rare in this day and age. And best of luck looking for your exceptional woman - I'm sure you will know when you find her.

Adrian  


*********** From -> dave
*********** To   -> Adrian


Adrian,

 Thankyou for the words of encouragement. 

I am starting to wonder if all people want is instant gratification. It seems to be the hallmark of my generation. I have noticed that in someways, I get along better with older women. My younger brother is seeing a woman 12yrs older than himself. He has suggested dating someone older to me. I think I would be more comfortable with someone my own age though. I don't know, maybe I am being too picky. It just seems every woman I meet leaves a lot to be desired. 
           -David


*********** From -> Darren
*********** To   -> dave

 If it's any consolation, I have usually found young girls to be kind of vacant, and they sometimes expect to be treated ... not like a vegetable, but with a sexual identification. Which is to say, they exist more for sex now than they will when they get older (at least the college educated ones). 


*********** From -> Lisa
*********** To   -> Darren

Darren, i was NEVER vacant, i expected and still do expect to be treated like a person and not a means for sex, and when i say this, i think i speak for ALOT of women!!!!!!!!! 


*********** From -> Jorge
*********** To   -> Lisa

Hi Lisa,

>> i was NEVER vacant, i expected and still do expect to be treated like a person and not a means for sex, and when i say this, i think i speak for ALOT of women <<

I believe that about you, but, sadly, IMX I'm not sure there are a lot of women like you. I treat women with respect and as people, and it just doesn't seem to get me anywhere. I'm not alone in this experience -- it seems to be one of the more common complaints from the nice guys who populate HSX.

"You'd make a great father," they sometimes say. Yeah, but before I can be a father to someone I need to be a husband to somebody!

Nevertheless, though I'm often tempted to do so, I refuse to try the disrespectful route. 

Best,

-- Jorge
 


*********** From -> Lisa
*********** To   -> Jorge

Well...i'm glad to know there are SOME gentlemen still around <Smile>.  I'd give anything to find a combination father/husband.  Someone who wouldn't mind raising my kids as their own...and treat me as a person, and not just something to screw :)

Hugs, 

Lisa 


*********** From -> Jorge
*********** To   -> Lisa

Hi Lisa,

>> Well...i'm glad to know there are SOME gentlemen still around <Smile>. I'd give anything to find a combination father/husband. Someone who wouldn't mind raising my kids as their own...and treat me as a person, and not just something to screw. ;) <<

Er ah, where'd you say you live?  <g>

Don't get me wrong -- I thoroughly enjoy emulating rabbits, early and often, but there's a LOT more to a satisfying relationship than that, and I prefer to cultivate all aspects of it.

Matter of fact, that's why it saddens me to hear some folks on another thread say that they believe they can have a meaningful relationship squeezing their SOs into their oh-so-busy schedules once every several weeks. It's hard to call that a relationship at all.

Best,

-- Jorge
 


*********** From -> Lisa
*********** To   -> Jorge

i'm in Texas <G>.  There IS alot more to a meaningful relationship then that. I'm the type person, i have to have some sort of daily contact, and i won't wait 2-6 weeks for a date either...not because of busy schedules anyway!!!!  Like i said before, i'm a real live breathing person, i have a brain, i have feelings, and want to be treated as such!

hugs,

lisa 


*********** From -> Jorge
*********** To   -> Lisa


Hi Lisa,

>> I'm th etype person, i have to have some sort of daily contact, and i won't wait 2-6 weeks for a date either...not because of busy schedules anyway!!! Like i said before, i'm a real live breathing person, i have a brain, i have feelings, and want to be treated as such! <<

Amen to all that! I too need daily contact (fax/phone/email are all acceptable substitutes). Loving treatment is a bit like food -- nutrition for the soul.

>> i'm in Texas <G> <<

And I'm in Pennsylvania. <sigh>

Hugs,

-- Jorge
 


*********** From -> Darren
*********** To   -> Lisa

<<Vacant>>

 Maybe you weren't vacant, but I was, and so were a lot of other guys & girls. But we were people too. Our priorities changed with age.

Priorities:  Age 17   Age 27
in order of
importance  Sex   Survival, finances
   Popularity  Sex
   Getting high  health

 You couldn't talk to a high school kid about interest rates or health very long, because it's not on his list. But you could talk to a 27 year old about popularity and getting high because it used to be on his list. The person sucks more knowledge into his head as time goes on.
 


*********** From -> Lisa
*********** To   -> Darren


I can't remember exactly what i was thinking at 17..but i know getting high wasn't one of the things <G>. 


*********** From -> David
*********** To   -> Darren


Darren,

You're generalizing a bit. Sex and popularity were on my "list" when I was in high school, certainly, but getting high wasn't, and unless there was a gorgeous woman in the vicinity (very little can override teenage hormones <g>), you probably could have had a conversation with me about health and interest rates. Then again, I was rather politically-aware at an early age. <g>

-David


*********** From -> Jorge
*********** To   -> Liem


Hi Liem,

I'm 34 and in southeastern Pennsylvania (Philadelphia suburbs).

Thanks!

-- Jorge