AOH :: HOMECO.TXT|
Home Sweet Home; What Makes it Home?
The standard picture of an ideal home consists of a house in the
suburbs with a picket fence where two adults, two children and some pets
live. We talked about what *really* makes a home. Is it the place, the
people, the things or something we do? Can it be home when you live alone?
Would it surprise you to learn that the most non-traditional people have
the most traditional homes?
(:: Polly <host> ::) Welcome to Going it Alone!
(:: Polly <host> ::) The ideal home is "supposed" to consist of a family
(two adults and two children) in a suburban house with
a pet or two. What if some of the ingredients are
missing? How do we create a home alone?
What is your living arrangement? Is it "home?"
(:: Polly <host> ::) I live in that house, but it's just me and my three
children it feels good to me, but some people consider
it not quite "right" <sigh>.
(Bridette) don't you feel that as long as you are able to provide what your
children need that the composition of the "family isn't important?
(:: Marlaina ::) My home consists of me and 3 other living beings:
a labrador retriever and 2 kitties
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bridgette, that works for me... What is your
(:: Marlaina ::) and my home is home because amongst all those living
things, there is great love!! and interaction!!
My home is a reflection of my personality!
Southwestern things, wood, pottery,
(:: Polly <host> ::) Is it those who live there that make it home for you,
Marlaina? Or what you have in it?
(:: Marlaina ::) Typical things all put together in a small space!
It's those who live with me and what I have in it, it's a
composite of all those things!! It's also the familiarity
of things in it,
(:: Polly <host> ::) Juan, we're talking about what it takes to make a
home "home" when (if) it doesn't have the standard
ingredients like family, suburban house, family and
(:: Marlaina ::) like wearing a pair of new shoes or old broken in shoes.
You always look forward to the old shoes!!
My home is like my shoes!!! it's comfy and predictable! <sp>
(:: Polly <host> ::) Marlaina, I like that analogy! <smile>...
(:: Marlaina ::) <smile> thank you, Dear!!!!
(:: Polly <host> ::) It doesn't have to be pretty, just familiar and
(:: Marlaina ::) Yes, that's pretty to me! pretty is as pretty does when
you come to hour home
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bridgette and Juan, do you live in a traditional
home, or some variant?
(:: Polly <host> ::) Marlaina, did you consciously create this place to be
(juan c.) what is for you traditional home?
(Bridgett) single with my dog
(:: Marlaina ::) Yes I did consciously create it, Polly!!
(:: Polly <host> ::) Juan, I think that most people think of a house in the
suburbs with two parents and two children and some pets.
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bridgette, does it feel like "home" or is it just
where you live?
(:: Polly <host> ::) Juan, I forgot the picket fence! <g>
(juan c.) ok i live with my family , my wife and 1 child
(Bridgette) not a home just a house
(:: Polly <host> ::) Ah, Juan, you are closer to the picture than the rest
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bridgette, what would it take to make it a home, and
is that something that you want?
(juan c.) yes, i live in queretaro mexico, that could be a little diference
(Bridgette) i would like a "home", i think the addition of a significant other
could really make a difference. Someone to share my life with.
(:: Polly <host> ::) Juan, is the ideal in Mexico the same as in the U.S.?
(:: Polly <host> ::) So it's the people who make the difference for you,
(Bridgette) yes, the physical structure of a house doesnt make a home,
its the people inside
(juan c.) yes i think it is, in mexico is more common taht women do not work
(:: Polly <host> ::) What about "things," Bridgette, the way you decorate,
where your junk is stored and all that?
(:: Polly <host> ::) So Juan, an ideal Mexican home has a woman caring for
it and it's inhabitants full time?
(Bridgette) things are nice and make the home more personal, but without
someone to come "home" to it isn't a home
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bridgette, I feel much the same way.... My children
are visiting their grandparents this week, and it just
doesn't feel right without them.
(juan c.) yes, she take care of the hause and the kids, but not in all
the economic levels
(:: Polly <host> ::) Juan, I it's very hard here for people who are not in
the upper middle class to have the ideal....
I imagine it must be the same there?
(juan c.) yes but i think taht family concept is a little more strong
(:: Polly <host> ::) Ah, so it would be harder for a single to feel that
he or she has made a home, Juan?
(juan c.) no, the case is that the people lives with his parents until they
(:: Polly <host> ::) Really?? So they essentially never leave the traditional
(Hunter) yeah...mine is definately home
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hunter, you live by yourself? Do you own a house?
(Hunter) Polly....I live with another man...he is my husband....we have a
(:: Polly <host> ::) Juan has been telling us about how it works in Mexico.
(:: Polly <host> ::) So you fit the ideal more or less, Hunter, except for
the children? What is it that makes it "home," the
(Hunter) Polly...our relationship is not traditional....we are Both men..
Our home...is made from our friends and family
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hunter, I was thinking more of the assortment of
(Hunter) Polly...there IS quite an assortment. Our home is the kind of
place kids like to be in....lots of interesting stuff. Friends
and family visit quite a lot
(:: Polly <host> ::) So it *is* the people, Hunter?
(Hunter) That is what we like...and what makes it a home....to us
(:: Polly <host> ::) Do the things you have matter at all? Or the place
(Hunter) Polly....also what really contributes significantly
Is the size of the home....with Five bedrooms....we've got plenty
of space for guests. That makes a difference.
(:: Polly <host> ::) Wow, you sure do, Hunter!
(Hunter) I think todays familys...whatever their makeup...need
space...we've cramped up our living styles Way to much...for the
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hmmm, that's an interesting thought, Hunter....
(Bob) Mine is very much my home. I returned to purchase property on the
same street I grew up on
(Hunter) Polly...moast of our friends and family couldn"t understand why we
wanted such a big home.....But now...a lot of them understand <six
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bob, with a family?
(:: Polly <host> ::) I bet they, do, Hunter! <g>...
(Hunter) You can be very close...or separate...in the same domicile..,
(Bob) no, just me.
(:: Polly <host> ::) I would love to have five bedrooms!
(Bob) How many DO you have??
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bob, do you feel the need for people to make the
picture complete, or is it right for you as it is now?
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bob, I have four bedrooms, but three children....
when there are overnight guests, my oldest daughter
has to move in with her sister, usually.
(Hunter) We also have pets...our pets contribute a lot to our home..
(Bob) I get what I need as far as human interaction
(Bob) Hunter, Polly, where do you live? Me? Milwaukee
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hunter, it's still living creatures <g> It sounds
like you two could make a home wherever you were!
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bob, I'm in Massachusetts.
(Hunter) polly...we have Marine fish..they are fun. And Angoran rabbits..<two>
(:: Polly <host> ::) Bob, do you get that human interaction outside your
home, or do people come to you?
(:: Marc B. ::) <waving hello> Hugs and kisses, Polly!
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hunter, I'm down to a bird and a frog, from Dog,
turtle, rat, fish, bird, and said turtle!
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hugs & kisses, Marc!
(Bob) Both. I have a wonderful Lady friend in Chicago.
(:: Polly <host> ::) Marc, we're talking about what it takes to make where
you live "home."...
(:: Polly <host> ::) Do you feel like your place is home?
(:: Marc B. ::) Sure do, Polly!!
(:: Polly <host> ::) Marc, What makes it home? The people or the
(:: Marc B. ::) Me!! I make it home, it's my place and I do here what *I*
(:: Polly <host> ::) Neil, you are the only one here who lives in the
picture of the ideal home..
(:: Neil ::) really?...
(:: Polly <host> ::) <g> Two adults, two children, house in a nice suburb!
(:: Neil ::) you mean husband...
(:: Neil ::) wife...
(:: Marc B. ::) What's wrong with my home, Polly???????????????????? <pout>
(:: Neil ::) etc.
(:: Polly <host> ::) Mark, it's the people (you) that make it home then?
Nothings wrong with it!
(:: Neil ::) is that just a picture?
(:: Marc B. ::) <-- lives in the ideal home too
(:: Polly <host> ::) Right, Neil! ...
(Hunter) <---would like to invite Polly over to see what an alternative
home is like...
(:: Marc B. ::) Neil, sounds as if you're boring conventional! <wink>
(:: Polly <host> ::) No, it isn't just a picture, of course, but is it the
ingredients that make it home? Or something else?
(Hunter) And ...how it can really work
(:: Neil ::) I knew a woman who lived on her boat; she couldn't afford both
a boat and a NY apartment
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hunter, just me with my three kids is considered by
some to be an alternative home <sigh>
(:: Polly <host> ::) Neil, I'd love to be able to live on a boat! I know
several people who do.
(:: Neil ::) <----conventional but not boring
(:: Neil ::) I bet it would be hard with three kids, though
(:: Polly <host> ::) Oh, I don't know! Just think, no TV, no telephone...
I've done it for periods of a few weeks with them,
and it's been wonderful!
(:: Marc B. ::) <-- at least no VCR, no AC, no dishwasher .. enough
alternative for me
(:: Neil ::) no HSX!
(:: Polly <host> ::) Marc, is the ideal picture of a "home" in Switzerland
the same as it is in the U.S.?
(:: Marc B. ::) Polly, from what I have seen displayed in adds and TV, I
wouldn't say their the same, but getting closer more and more.
(:: Polly <host> ::) How is it different?
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hi, David! We're talking about home and "home" and
what it is that makes your...
(:: Marc B. ::) Well, while the US rather displays luxury as goal; it's more
(:: Polly <host> ::) living arrangement home and not just where you live.
What's your situation?
(:: Polly <host> ::) So the emphasis is more on people there, Marc? ...
That seems to be what those here feel makes the
difference, too. <despite the ideal>
(David S.) I have a house in this country and another one on a beach in the
tropics in a foreign country. Two different worlds.
(:: Marc B. ::) Polly, no, I think what makes the difference is ..
(:: Neil ::) actually, Polly...only three of us live home full time
(:: Polly <host> ::) David, which is "home" if either is? And what makes
it that for you?
(:: Marc B. ::) that americans rather tend to spend more than they can't
afford..while Swiss try to save money wherever they can.
(:: Polly <host> ::) Does your son being away make it less homelike, Neil?
(David S.) I guess home is where I am at the moment.
(:: Neil ::) Marc...a house was considered a great place to save money...
(:: Polly <host> ::) OK, Marc! <g> Point taken!
(:: Neil ::) they just kept going up in value
(:: Polly <host> ::) So for you, David, the focus is on yourself, where
*you* are at the moment?
(:: Neil ::) it's more of a change for Sally than for me...
(:: Marc B. ::) <-- not a typical Swiss! <g> Rather american mentality when
it comes to money.
(:: Neil ::) more lifestyle than just not having him home
(:: Polly <host> ::) You know, it was an important step for me when I
established a garden here..
(:: Neil ::) less cooking, less laundry, less shopping, less picking up,
(David S.) I guess so. When I'm on the beach, I feel totally at home
(:: Polly <host> ::) that made it feel more like "home" -- someplace I
(Hunter) Polly...when we put our home together....I found myself looking for
older pieces...some antiques...that reminded me of my grandparents
(David S.) when I get back to the hurly burly of NYC, it's like I never
left. Howabout you?
(:: Neil ::) Polly...when we moved our house was new...
(Hunter) When homes...were homes
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hunter, it sounds as if you've done a good job of
recreating that image, but it's you two and your
hospitality that make it really home, am I right?
(Hunter) hehheeh Neil...when WE moved in .....our house was already 270
(:: Neil ::) it wasn't home until we put a nail in the wall and hung a
(:: Polly <host> ::) David, I live in a small town outside of Boston with
my children, and it's most definitely a "home" to me!
(Hunter) Yes Polly...very much...but they are both componants of what makes
our home. The family and friends are the best part
(:: Neil ::) Really?...you live outside of Boston?!<G>
(:: Polly <host> ::) For you Neil, it was making a mark (literally) on the
(:: Polly <host> ::) Yeah, Neil! <g> Surprised?
(:: Neil ::) <laughing>.....no not quite surprised
(:: Neil ::) the house needed something to personalize it
(Hunter) Home.....is when you fire up the grill and the smoker and get the
back porch rockin' and rollin' <GGG>
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hunter, that's certainly part of it!...
(Hunter) invite evryone over....and eat all night long <G>
(:: Marc B. ::) Polly, what you said about the garden raised a question...
is it the effort you put in or the result of the effort?
(:: Polly <host> ::) I know I'm home when I want to share it with people
(Hunter) Yes Polly...sharing is real important....
(:: Polly <host> ::) Neither, Marc. It was more that some of the plantings
are permanent, and symbolic of the fact that I'll be
(:: Marc B. ::) So if the plants would have grown wildly, it would have had
the same effect?
(:: Polly <host> ::) Nope, Marc. The fact that I put them there, kind of
like Neil's nail in the wall. <Sorry, no verb in that
sentence! The fact that I put them there made the
(Hunter) Polly...for me ..it was also when my piano was set in the living
room...that wuz a big moment I think
(:: Marc B. ::) So it was your effort!
(:: Polly <host> ::) Yes, Hunter, I can see that, too. The music is yours
and a part of you. <smile>
(:: Polly <host> ::) Yes, Marc, it was my effort that was making the
place mine and unique to me, but still, with all that,
it doesn't feel as homelike without the right people!
(:: Marc B. ::) Ok, ok, Polly I will come visiting you again soon, so you
feel at home!! <veg>
(:: Marc B. ::) <-- is RIGHT people!
(:: Polly <host> ::) Good, Marc! <g> You are <hug>
(:: Marc B. ::) Hunter, that's true for me too .. home gained a lot, since
I have my instruments at home.
(Hunter) Polly..if I come and visit?...can I bring the piano <GGG>
(:: Marc B. ::) Hunter, she HAS a piano!
(:: Polly <host> ::) Hunter, there's a piano here! I'll just be sure to
have it tuned, ok?
(:: Marc B. ::) (she can even play it! <g>)
(:: Polly <host> ::) That will get the children off my back, too <g>
(Hunter) hehehhe..ok Pol
(Hunter) Polly......tune it...its very important
(:: Marc B. ::) Oh, you have visitors to get the childrens off? <g>
(::Marc B. ::) <-- has electric piano, always tuned! <g>
(:: Polly <host> ::) I know, Hunter!! I spend a fortune on it!
(Hunter) why a fortune Polly?
(:: Polly <host> ::) I live near the ocean, and with the changes in
humdity, it goes out of tune pretty quickly <sigh>
(Hunter) should only cost about 250-30 a year to keep the tuning correct
(:: Polly <host> ::) I need to do it more often than that, Hunter.
(Hunter) what kind of Piano is it Polly?
(Hunter) Have you had the soundboard checked?
(:: Polly <host> ::) Besides, two of my children have perfect pitch and go
batty when it's off.
(:: Polly <host> ::) It's an old spinet, Hunter. It was abused at some point
in the past, too. Someday a new one! <g>...
(Hunter) <smile>...Pol....weve gotta talk
(:: Polly <host> ::) but other things have priority at this point.
(:: Polly <host> ::) <---taking off hat as we're out of time and off topic
(:: Polly <host> ::) There!
The entire AOH site is optimized to look best in Firefox® 3 on a widescreen monitor (1440x900 or better).
Site design & layout copyright © 1986- AOH
We do not send spam. If you have received spam bearing an artofhacking.com email address, please forward it with full headers to email@example.com.