:: Polly :: <host>) Welcome to Confidently Speaking! "Presents!"  Gifts are 
                    wonderful to give and to get, but what to give isn't 
                    always so easy.  What's appropriate?  What are the 
                    rules?
(J. Dang) well... so let's begin this... what are u guys going to give to 
         your boy/girl friends?
(melissa) well, gift certificates are good..I mean, it may seem impersonal, 
         but it's practical
(Pete S.) What do we want to give or what are we going to give?
(:: Polly :: <host>) In all cases, Melissa?
(melissa) not all cases, but personally, i love certif's
(:: Polly :: <host>) Gifts, Pete.  (It's seasonal, ya know. <g>)
(melissa) for CD's and books a day at the spa
(J. Dang) I'm gonna giv e myself OS/2 Warp and some CDs... =)
(Devin(m)) I'm really bad about gift shopping, haven't bought a thing yet:(
(melissa) tsk, tsk, dev
(:: Polly :: <host>) Melissa, that does seem to be the right thing for my 
                    teenagers to give their friends.  I don't know, though, 
                    I kinda like the idea that someone has thought about me 
                    when choosing something.
(melissa) well, thing is, my friends know my taste in music better'n my 
         family...
(:: Polly :: <host>) Devin, that's ok!  I haven't gotten a lot of stuff 
                    yet, either....
(melissa) so, it'd be more approp. for my folks to get me certificates
(:: Polly :: <host>) and I never end up wrapping the kids' stuff 'til 
                    Christmas Eve. <g> 
(Pete S.) certificates are so unimaginative
(melissa) so practical, though
(Pete S.) there's no soul in it
(:: Polly :: <host>) OK, let's posit a situation......
(:: Polly :: <host>) You've been dating someone for a month or so....
(Devin(m)) I could use certificates this time around. Need a lot of 
          household items I need to pick myself.
(melissa) are u kidding? I looove getting certif's and buying all sorts of 
         CD's
(:: Polly :: <host>) you're getting close, but aren't yet.  What's 
                    appropriate?  Is jewelry too much, for instance?
(melissa) in that case, polly, jewelery would be ok only if it's not too 
         expensive
(Pete S.) Semi-precious maybe
(Devin(m)) Jewelry is too much in my opinion.
(Pepper (m)) bye, guys.  Got to go shopping, again.  Life is like a box of  
            chocolates, nes pas?
(:: Polly :: <host>) OK, and would the gift certificate be too impersonal?
(melissa) a pair of earrings (nothing precious)
(Devin(m)) In a dating situation, yeah gift cert, don't sound like a good 
          idea.
(Pepper (m)) will be back, again.  Got to go fix shrimp
(Pete S.) certainly nothing practical for someone you are not married to :)
(melissa) regular hypo-allergenic earrings 10 to 40 bucks is okay for a gal 
         you'r dating for a short while
(:: Polly :: <host>) Ummm..... Pete, when I was married, I hated the 
                    practical stuff most!
(melissa) have been dating for a short while hi vic
(:: Polly :: <host>) Melissa, what about a man?
(melissa) a pair of boxer shorts
(Richard M.) melissa!
(Pete S.) How about clothes?
(:: Polly :: <host>) Is underwear too intimate?
(melissa) boxer shorts are hot
(Devin(m)) I know what someone should get me for xmas.
(melissa) nah
(Trever) Richard,  you made it back early!
(:: Polly :: <host>) Pete that depends, doesn't it?
(Vic) I'm trying to get my girlfriend something.  Don't want to give 
     jewelry.  What do you women like besides that?
(Devin(m)) I'm a boxer man M
(Pete S.) boxers for men or women?
(:: Polly :: <host>) Vic, you picked the right place! <g>  That's what 
                    we're trying to figure out.    
(melissa) boxers for men
(Vic) Ok, let me rephrase.  You first Melissa.  What was the best gift you 
     have received?
(melissa) hmmmm
(:: Polly :: <host>) <checking Amy Vanderbilt>... There's a page and a half 
                    in the index on gifts.
(melissa) hmmmmm best gift i got was a "care package"...
(Pete S.) Perfume
(:: Polly :: <host>) For either gender, Pete?  What if they don't like the 
                    scent?
(Vic) At school or something, Melissa?
(Devin(m)) Best gift was a kiss.
(melissa) Wine, gift certif for book, CD, chocolates, tea and bubble bath
(Vic) Oh Devin, I'm all tingly
(:: Polly :: <host>) Oh, Devin, that's wonderful!
(melissa) all in a package
(Pete S.) Perfume is always returnable
(melissa) how seet, dev sweet
(:: Polly :: <host>) Good idea, Melissa!
(Vic) That's neat, Melissa
(:: Polly :: <host>) Returning gifts is another problem <sigh>  We should 
                    probably have a CO on that alone! Devin, tell us about 
                    this kiss.
(Vic) I've already done that though.  I did a twelve days of christmas 
     thing two years ago.  How about you Polly (Best gift)
(melissa) i don't think it's polite to return gifts
(:: Polly :: <host>) At what stage of the relationship, Vic? <I have 
                    problems with that, too, Melissa>
(Vic) Two years for me now
(Devin(m)) I hate having to do the "oh what a wonderful gift routine"
(melissa) well, i look at it this way, the person was kind enough to think 
         of you...
(:: Polly :: <host>) Hmmm, so that's pretty intimate.  Then you can do the 
                    wonderful underwear bit! <g>
(melissa) i'm grateful to get something from them it's the thought
(:: Polly :: <host>) Is that why the kiss was the best gift, Devin?
(Vic) Did it already, looking for something different. keep going on ideas, 
     Polly
(:: Polly :: <host>) Vic, what have you thought of and discarded?  That'll 
                    save us some time.
(melissa) how about a 1 hour massage with a professional therapist?
(:: Polly :: <host>) For the right person, that would be great, Melissa.
(Vic) Sorry, uh jewelry, care package, underwear, clothes, kitchen 
     appliances, candy.  That's about it I think. Flowers, also
(Devin(m)) The kiss was great because of who it came from. And wasn't even 
          that big of a kiss...
(:: Polly :: <host>) Glad you discarded the appliances. <g>
(Vic) Perfume, too
(melissa) perfume is so unoriginal
(:: Polly :: <host>) What's wrong with jewelry for her/you?
(Vic) Early in the relationship, Melissa
(Vic) I've given it lately, Polly
(:: Polly :: <host>) Devin <smile>  I understand.
(Dave) Hmmmmmm
(:: Polly :: <host>) Dave, we're talking about gift giving, and Vic is 
                    presenting a real-time example. <g>  He's looking 
                    for a gift...
(Dave) Oh.... well think I will explore a little more....no offence. wave
(:: Polly :: <host>) for a woman he's been in a relationship with for 2 
                    years.
(Vic) Anybody else have ideas?
(melissa) how about a candelabra, scented candles, incense, bubble  bath, 
         wine
(:: Polly :: <host>) Vic, would personalized stationery be appropriate for 
                    her?  It's pretty extravagent to get it oneself.
(melissa) a giant poster of yourself! in your birthday suit!
(Devin(m)) Tacky melissa
(Vic) Ummmm......no
(melissa) just joking
(:: Polly :: <host>) How about a trip *with* her?  Perhaps a cruise on a 
                    Tall Ship in the Virgin Islands? <--- would be 
                    *thrilled* with that!
(Devin(m)) Oh in your B-day suit. thats different - sorry
(Vic) Worked at a film development factory last year and know how many 
     people see you naked.  I saw a handful myself.  Some wild positions, 
     let me tell you!!!!
(melissa) get a boudoir photo of yourself for her (s)
(Vic) Saving for the possible honeymoon for that , Polly
(:: Polly :: <host>) OK, Vic. Melissa, you may be onto something.... How 
                    about a professional portrait of the two of you 
                    together?
(Vic) Getting warmer
(melissa) for valentines day, lotsa folks cover their bodies with candies 
         for their special someone's
(:: Polly :: <host>) What about the rest of you?  Are you all set on what 
                    to give whom?
(melissa) for my friends, I'm cooking them an extravagant meal...
(Devin(m)) Melissa thinking along the right lines.
(:: Polly :: <host>) Vic, you know the trip idea could still be good on a 
                    smaller scale.
(melissa) i'm gonna present awards (prizes) at the dinner
(Devin(m)) No polly, i'm not. Need to go break out the catalogs as soon as 
          I log off.
(Vic) I'm thinking of getting a weekend trip to a bed and breakfast.  Would 
     that be good?  Would you like
(:: Polly :: <host>) Devin, is that how you do most of your shopping?
(Vic) that Melissa and Polly.  (This place is up in the north with snow and 
     skiing)
(:: Polly :: <host>) Very much, Vic!
(melissa) Vic, it sounds excellent
(:: Paula ::) Vic, that sounds lovely.
(Vic) Done.  Thanks a lot!!
(Devin(m)) Looks like it will be this year polly.
(:: Polly :: <host>) Actually, I don't think that's a bad way to do it. <g> 
                    I've watched....
(Vic) Anybody else need ideas???
(:: Polly :: <host>) my kids go through catalogs and then ordered what they 
                    liked.
(Devin(m)) Works out pretty well. I tried it last year and came up with 
          some decent gifts. Through catalog chopping that is.
(melissa) i think the tackiest gift is getting your photograph on a mug
(Devin(m)) Catalog Chopping?
(Jim) just ordered stuff from Lands End for a brother in idaho..much easier 
     than buying, wrapping, and sending.
(Devin(m)) Couldn't be much tackier melissa
(Vic) Melissa, agreed.
(Devin(m)) Agreed Jim
(:: Polly :: <host>) You're lucky, Jim!  Everything I wanted from Land's 
                    End was out.
(Vic) How about the t-shirts Melissa?? That's corn all over
(melissa) then, again, a velvet glow-in-the-dark Elvis wall hanging is 
         pretty tacky
(Devin(m)) Williams Sonoma is pretty good.
(:: Paula ::) My daughter gave me a "Mom is the best!" mug. Ugliest thing I 
             ever saw. I have to use it every morning.
(melissa) haha, Paula.
(Vic) lol
(:: Polly :: <host>) Every morning she's home, Paula <g>
(:: Paula ::) I just don't look at it. <g> Right, Polly. <g.
(:: Polly :: <host>) When she's at school, you can just hide it.
(:: Paula ::) She's home now.  I had to find it and start using it.
(Dave) Hey...
(Vic) You should give her a Best Daughter! glass and serve her with it when 
     her friends are over.
(Dave) Hmmmmmm
(melissa) lol
(:: Paula ::) Vic, that's very evil. <g>
(Vic) Sorry <g>
(:: Paula ::) I love it.
(:: Polly :: <host>) Oooh, that is *not* the right thing to do to a 
                    teenager!
(Vic) I have an evil mind
(:: Polly :: <host>) We're talking about gift-giving, all you newcomers.
(John) Howdy
(:: Paula ::) Hi, Howdy.
(John) Gift-giving.  'Tis the season, I guess.
(Vic) Gotta roll, all.  Appreciate everyone's help much!  Take care
(melissa) One year, when I was a starving student, I gave my friends a 
         homemade book of my poetry
(:: Polly :: <host>) Thanks for being here, Vic!
(melissa) (that was mean of me)
(:: Polly :: <host>) Neat, Melissa!  I don't think it was mean at all.
(John) Why was it mean?
(melissa) my poetry is baaaad
(:: Polly :: <host>) One of my daughters gives her friends special tapes 
                    that she makes with mixes of her own music and others'. 
(melissa) but i drew some nice pictures
(John) But it takes a lot to bare one's soul to other people like that, 
      Melissa.
(melissa) yeah, i guess, but i don't even know if they read any of it! my 
         pals aren't poetry types
(:: Polly :: <host>) Gee, Melissa, weren't you the one saying that you 
                    liked the idea that the giver thought of you and gave 
                    something? <g>  I bet your friends were really 
                    flattered that you gave them your own poetry.
(melissa) I hoped so, polly
(melissa) this year, I gave a friend a homemade tape...she was supposed to 
         go to Spain this year, but
(:: Polly :: <host>) Well, we've taken care of the friends and lovers, how 
                    about the parents? 
(melissa) couldn't.  So I taped a pretend-trip to spain parents...hmmmm
(:: Polly :: <host>) Did she love it, Melissa?
(melissa) she hasn't opened it yet
(John)   Is it considered "bad form" to not send gifts to family 
      members who have enough money to buy anything they want?
(:: Polly :: <host>) Ah.  Let us know, ok?
(melissa) ok
(:: Polly :: <host>) John, yep! Unfortunately.
(melissa) john, i think you should give
(:: Polly :: <host>) It's hard to think of something for some folks.
(melissa) for folks who have everything, you should be creative and get 
         something unusual even homemade
(Devin(m)) I need someone to give me a girlfriend, so that I can give her a 
          gift.
(Lance) John, write 'em a note. There's an old expression from acting class 
       "Sincerity is the hardest emotion. Once you can fake that one, all 
       the rest are easy."
(:: Polly :: <host>) Devin, <g>
(John) Sounds like good advice.  thanks.
(melissa) go to the classifieds, devin
(:: Polly :: <host>) I think just a note wouldn't be right for family 
                    members....You know many families have arrangements, 
                    like gifts for just one other.  Or, as in my family, 
                    we give to the children, but not each other.
(Devin(m)) I have melissa(boy i talk to much)
(melissa) how about a box of assorted little goofy toys (nose flutes, 
         spiral glasses, etc)
(:: Polly :: <host>) Fun, Melissa!
(melissa) plastic barf, too
(Lance) John, what's the family dynamic? Are you "equally set" or is their 
       "we can afford anything" a weapon?
(:: Polly :: <host>) I happen to think that children's toys are great adult 
                    gifts. <g>
(John) Yes!  that's it, Melissa!  Nose flutes!  How clever!
(melissa) that's what I got everyone
(John) <not being sarcastic, either>
(Devin(m)) Tickets to a play are nice. Best if the person(s) wouldn't go 
          otherwise.
(melissa) for a mom or sister, why not a day at the spa
(John) My problem is (like most everyone else) is I hate shopping and avoid 
      stores until the last minute.
(:: Polly :: <host>) Devin, I think you've really hit the core of it; 
                    something that they wouldn't have if you didn't give it.
(melissa) a day at the spa for ma
(John) See, you are a poet!
(Devin(m)) Thats the hard part though polly. finding that special item for 
          those you care about.
(melissa) (bowing)
(:: Polly :: <host>) Methinks *you* want a day at a spa, Melissa! <g>
(melissa) sure could use one
(Devin(m)) Lets everyone pitch in and get melissa a day at the spa. La 
          Costa here in California OK melissa?
(:: Polly :: <host>) Devin, is that why catalogs work better for you?
(David W ) A good way is to write things down when you find out they're 
          interested in something...
(melissa) or how about a course (a fun, interest course)?
(David W ) If you do it all year long, come Christmas you'll have everyone 
          covered
(melissa) sounds good to me, devin!
(:: Polly :: <host>) David, if only I were that organized!  That's a great 
                    idea!
(melissa) a wine tasting course, healthy-heart cooking class, etc
(Devin(m)) Yes polly, I can usually find things a little different in the 
          catalogs. Get the " Oh So and So sure would like one these" 
          things going a lot.
(:: Polly :: <host>) <nodding> Yep, works that way for me, too, Devin... as 
                    well as watching the kids read them.
(David W ) <smile>  How about a gift certificate for a sauna and massage?
(melissa) how about getting a tattoo on your arm saying"Mom's the best"?
(:: Polly :: <host>) That's Melissa's wish, David. <g>
(melissa) i already suggested that, david W.
(:: Polly :: <host>) Has anyone ever gotten a gift that was "too much" for 
                    the relationship?
(David W ) I have...
(Devin(m)) Yes Polly
(melissa) not me, polly, all the guys i date have been poor
(:: Caren ::) maybe
(:: Polly :: <host>) Caren, maybe????
(:: Caren ::) sure Polly <g>  why not
(David W ) A former SO gave me an expensive musical keyboard
(:: Polly :: <host>) Devin, want to tell us about it?
(melissa) What's SO?
(:: Polly :: <host>) David, was it the price that was the issue?
(:: Marc B. ::) David, why so?
(:: Polly :: <host>) SO=significant other
(Devin(m)) Received 30 red roses from a girl who drove an hour to deliver 
          them. To much for that relationship. Liked the gesture though.
(David W ) Yes, Polly, although I enjoyed playing it
(melissa) that was sweet, dev
(:: Polly :: <host>) <thinking>  Why is price such an issue in gift-giving? 
                     Is parity necessary?
(:: Caren ::) A guy I had been dating for 2 months went on a vacation to 
             China and brought me back a very large Chinese silk embroidery 
             ... it felt rather extravagant
(David W ) Marc, it was way beyond what I was expecting
(:: Polly :: <host>) Devin, remember it for something to do when it *is* 
                    right in a relationship!
(Jane) Probably, unfortunately Polly. We put so much of ourselves into 
      gifts, fear of rejection etc..
(:: Polly :: <host>) So it was price for you, too, Caren?
(:: Caren ::) I guess so Polly.
(Devin(m)) Told one friend that I wanted to go out with a bevy of beauties 
          for my birthday. And she delivered!!!! Same one that brought the 
          roses. Pretty good friend:)
(:: Polly :: <host>) Hi, Jane!  So if someone's gift doesn't "match" in 
                    price, we feel rejected?   
(David W ) Polly, parity isn't necessarily necessary...
(:: Polly :: <host>) I like the alliteration, Devin. <smile>
(David W ) What's the price of a hand-printed and framed poem?
(melissa) nowadays i think of creativity in gift-giving, not price
(:: Polly :: <host>) Ah!  I should have known you'd be the one to get my 
                    point, David <g> ...
(:: Marc B. ::) David, depends who wrote it. <s<
(:: Polly :: <host>) I think that the personal nature of that puts it way, 
                    way beyond the  most expensive jewelry.  Unless, of 
                    course, the jewelry was personally designed and 
                    perhaps made.
(melissa) I'm tired of getting a bottle of perfume...it's unimaginative
(:: Polly :: <host>) And what is the price of a handmade quilt or handknit 
                    sweater?
(David W ) <-- stopped giving perfume at 12
(melissa) i like gifts that had some thought put into it
(Devin(m)) alliteration? Polly, just had to look that one up in the 
          dictionary. thanks though
(:: Polly :: <host>) Looks like we're almost out of time, here.  Any last 
                    thoughts or advice needed on gifts? That is, thoughts 
                    to present or advice sought. <g>
(melissa) BE CREATIVE AND MAKE THE GIFT PERSONAL
(Suzanne) <---always appreciates $$$
(Devin(m)) Like melissa said. Perfume and such is boring. Creative shipping 
          requires nowing the person to be done well.
(:: Polly :: <host>) Well, we've done a good job helping Vic decide on a 
                    present and given each other a lot of ideas.  Thanks, 
                    everyone!.... and Merry Christmas to those whom I won't 
                    see this week.
(melissa) it's been fun, folks
(Teresa) What is the topic ?
(Rika) <---doesn't want to think about Christmas anymore <g> Raff, where 
      you goin'?
(David W ) Thanks for the CO, Polly!
(:: Polly :: <host>) Teresa, we just finished a CO on gift giving.
(Mac) yea,im all $ out too
(Devin(m)) Adios Melissa of the great white north.
(:: Polly :: <host>) Nowhere, Riff, but I wouldn't want to leave anyone 
                    out. <g>
(melissa) adios, dev of the south bye all
(Rika) Raff, gotcha <g>