:: Polly ::) Welcome to Shyness Workshop! How do you react when 
             you are angry? Do you confront the person with whom you are 
             angry? What do you *do* with your anger?
(:: Polly ::) Mo', you're a pretty easy-going man in person, but intense in 
             your messages, do you find that you are angry more in those?  
             Or is it just the topics?
(Larry G.)  I yell a lot, but not necessarily at the person with whom I'm 
(:: Polly ::) Larry, why not at the person with whom you're 
             angry?
(:: Mo' ::) Intense messages? Me? You must have me confused with somebody 
            else <G> I have strong convictions and beliefs but none of those 
            messages are ever written in anger
(:: Polly ::) Nope, I don't think so! <g>
(:: Mo' ::) If they seem angry you are getting the wrong impression
(:: Polly ::) No, I didn't think that you were angry....
              but I thought that if I were you, I might feel angry with all 
             the opposition you get.
(Larry G.) Hadn't really considered it befor. But I suppose it's a release 
           mechanism to allow me to deal more constructively with the person 
           at whom I'm pissed off. 
(:: Mo' ::) Perhaps it is bcause I don't mind calling them like I see them.
(:: Polly ::)  Larry, how do you (or do you?) explain to 
             the people you end up yelling at?
(:: Mo' ::) Polly, as you can imagine, it isn't just the people here who 
           don't agree with me.  This is not the first place these 
           discussions have taken place. I have had lots of practice.
(Larry G.) Often, no explanation is necessary. They are obviously aware 
           that I'm blowing off steam. When it is needed, or seems to be, I 
           explain it.
(:: Polly ::) Larry, do they understand?
(:: Mo' ::) Besides, I prefer to stay calm. Especially when the other 
           person gets angry. It drives them crazy!!!
(Larry G.) Generally, they seem to.
(:: Polly ::) Mo', that's evil!! <g>
(Larry G.) And it drives them crazy.
(:: Polly ::) Larry, do you have children?
(Larry G.) Two.
(:: Polly ::) So all of us have kids. I find that nobody in the world 
             can make me angrier than mine can, but no anger evaporates 
             faster, either....
(:: Mo' ::) You have as many as Larry & I put together, you minx <G>
(Larry G.) Actually, they're both untrained animals. They become children 
          later on.
(:: Polly ::) I think that it's connected with how much I care for them.  
             What do you think?  How old are they, Larry?
(:: Mo' ::) I am finding out that living alone all week gives me a shorter 
           fuse on weekends.  I am not used to interruptions   
(Larry G.) Five (going on 22) and 10 (going on 24).
(:: Polly ::) Really, Mo'?  That surprises me!  You aren't more tolerant?
(:: Mo' ::) I have a 10 year old son, Larry
(:: Polly ::) Larry, <g>  Just wait!  My oldest just turned 14 -- and 
             thinks she's older than I am!
(:: Mo' ::) I am very tolerant. But I do snap ( sharp word ) at times
(Larry G.) My son's 10 as well.
(:: Polly ::) And mine is 9 -- we have a little-boy group, here.
(:: Mo' ::) Most of the time I am a real softie, just like I am online
(Larry G.) He's joining the Cub Scouts this eek and goes for his first 
          campout on Friday. Gets to sleep i
(:: Mo' ::) Like Rush says, " A harmless little fuzzball "
(Larry G.) That'll teach him.
(:: Polly ::) He'll have fun!
(:: Mo' ::) Cub Scouts at 10? Mine just graduated to Boy Scouts
(:: Polly ::) You?  Not little at all!
(:: Mo' ::) and went on his first campout a couple weeks ago
(Larry G.) He'll piss in the sleeping bag. Just wait'll I tell him about 
          man-eating squirrels!!
(:: Polly ::) I think it's different where you are, Mo' -- Nathan's in Cub 
             Scouts for at least anoher year, too.
(Stoney <-- was the only man on girl scout (brownie?) camp out some years ago. 
(:: Polly ::) Larry, don't!
(Larry G.) Okay. Snakes??
(:: Mo' ::) Sounds like fun Stoney! NOT
(:: Polly ::) Stoney, one of my Girl Scout's father is *essential* on our 
             camping trips!  He brings the tents and teaches them to use 
             axes and (most important) gets up first and makes coffee 
             for me and any other adults!
(:: Mo' ::) in other words, PW'd <g,d,r>
(Larry G.) Mo... My kid's a little different. Until eight weeks ago, he 
          lived in Germany (since he was 14 months old). Cub Scouts are a 
          real novelty
(:: Polly ::) I think Stoney was dumped. Larry, that's neat!  He'll 
             probably like it.  How's his English?
(:: Mo' ::) He should enjoy the cub scouts. Ian really did.
(Larry G.) Obnoxious.
(:: Polly ::) Obnoxious?
(:: Mo' ::) Is that good or bad?
(Larry G.) As in complete with dirty limericks. Obnoxious.
(:: Polly ::) Oh!  As in typical little boy.
(Larry G.) As in he can't wait to visit German and give his little buddies 
          there the translated versions.
(Larry G.) Actually, Polly, he has two mother tongues. Both his German and 
          English are completed without accent.
(:: Polly ::) Wow!  He's a lucky kid.  Is your 5 year old the same?
(Larry G.) She was. Most of her German's gone already. Doesn't take long.
(Larry G.) Although there is one phrase she remembers. She keeps calling 
          people Dick (German for fat).
(:: Polly ::) Larry, LOL!!  That must get her into some spots of trouble!
(Bob H.) I have 5 myself.
(Larry G.) Her?? How about me??
(:: Polly ::) Yeah, you, too!
(:: Polly ::) Bob, you have five children??  You're one of the 
             few people I know with more than me! (Bob, that is) 
(Bob H.) Yeah, 5 of'em. :)
(Bob H.) 4 boys and 1 girl.
(:: Mo' ::) Karen is the oldest of 8, Polly
(:: Mo' ::) 5 Girls and 3 boys
(:: Polly ::) But I don't know Karen's parents, Mo' <g>
(:: Mo' ::) Being the first outsider brought in was very interestin
(:: Polly ::) Jay, how do you react when you are angry? Do you confront the 
             person with whom you are angry? What do you *do* with your 
             anger?
(:: Mo' ::) That is what got me rid of my shyness I think
(:: Polly ::) Really?  Being in that great crowd?  
(:: Mo' ::) Plus the first Christmas at the Grandmothers was something
            Karen's Mom was the oldest of 5, and they had 8 other grandkids
            so 10 aunts and uncles, 16 grandkids, grandmother and me,
(:: Polly ::) All peering at *you*, of course, Mo' <g>
(:: Mo' ::) Polly, I try very hard to control my anger
(:: Mo' ::) As big as I am, if I were to get mad, I could hurt people real 
           easy without trying
(Steve R.) What is Mo' angry about?
(:: Mo' ::) Of course they were Polly.
(:: Polly ::) One of my brothers is very large, too, and generally he is a 
             very gentle man, but when he blows up, it can be dangerous.
             (seriously)
(:: Mo' ::) Just trying to keep to the subject, Steve
(Steve R.) OK
(:: Mo' ::) That is why I just don't blow up. Plus I have found it never 
           solves anything
(:: Polly ::) Steve, are you able to confront people you're angry with, or 
             do you just keep it in?
(:: Mo' ::) But sometimes I do throw things. Just like Hillary
(Bob H.) I've always had a problem with holding it all in until there isn't 
        anymore room.
(:: Polly ::) Mo', I agree, it doesn't solve anything, but sometimes we 
             can't act rationally.
(Jay N.) Mo'-- now don't throw Hillary!   <G>
(:: Polly ::) How so, Bob?  Do you blow up then?
(Steve R.) Polly 50/50! Then I light a cigarette.
(Bob H.) Thats what used to happen all the time.  About every 3-4 weeks or 
        so.
(:: Mo' ::) Course I am not throwing around expensive White House lamps
(Steve R.) That is really the answer!
(RICHARD STRADINGER) we all need an outlet, something like a pressure 
                    release valve or otherwise we all blowup
(:: Polly ::) Bob, what do you do now that's different? Steve, the 
             cigarette is the answer?  Or the 50/50?
(Steve R.) It was a joke!
(:: Polly ::) Richard, that's true, what do you use?  I try to head it off 
             before I'm *really* angry, if I can by dealing with things 
             when they're small.
(Gerald) I used to have an awful temper but its all in your outlook  
(Bob H.) I've gone for counselling plus I'm on medication thats helped me 
        alot.
(Jay N.) I think anyone can be pushed to some point where they "snap"...
(:: Polly ::) Steve, sorry!  I'm dense, I guess! 
              Bob, that's great!
(Steve R.) When I do become angry I do get compulsive- Food, spending money 
          I don't have, etc.
(:: Polly ::) How so, Gerald?
(Jay N.) It's just at a different level for each person.
(Bob H.) I still have a problem though with worrying that people will get 
        mad at me if I get angry.
(:: Polly ::) Jay, what is your level?
(Gerald) well if you take a step back and look at what you are angry
         about in the whole scheme of things it's usually pretty trivial
(:: Polly ::) Bob, that's a problem I have with people I don't know well, 
             too.
(Jay N.) I think it's relatively high these days I just joke about it .
         or do some cussing.  <S>
(:: Polly ::) Gerald, that takes a lot of self control!
(Bob H.) Sometimes that just makes you keep things inside Polly.
(Gerald) I didn't say it was easy I still lose it now and then
(Bob H.) I guess it has to do with insecurity maybe.  I'm working on it.
(Jay N.) Good for you Bob!
(:: Polly ::) What things make you angry?
(Gerald) Who Polly
(Bob H.) Well, I've gotten angry often over my wife's attitude towards the 
        kids but that a different story.
(:: Polly ::) Sorry, Gerald!  That was really directed at everyone. So, 
             Bob, your anger is at major issues, not little things?
(Gerald) I can't stand human stupidity
(Bob H.) That annoys me too Ger.
(Jay N.) Kids and spouses can be a real problem, Bob   <IMHO>
(:: Mo' ::) My major causes of anger are unethical people and government f 
           all kinds
(Gerald) Glad I'm not the only one
(:: Polly ::) What do you mean by human stupidity, Gerald and Bob?
(Bob H.) Well, thats one of the reasons I'm separated right now.
(:: Polly ::) Jay, I think so too!  Why do you think that is?
(Gerald) THings that are just obviosly dumb
(Jay N.) Mo'-- try NY state.... you can be angry all the time!   <G>
(Bob H.) I think there's a difference between ignorance and stupidity.  I 
        can tolerate ignorance.
(:: Mo' ::) No thanks, jay <G>
(Jay N.) We have it all... unethical, stupidity, *and* too much government! 
(Gerald) I'm sure you do Jay
(:: Polly ::) Mo', you're different from Gerald and Bob, your anger is at 
             more universal issues, isn't it?
(:: Mo' ::) That's because they take it all isn't it?
(Jay N.) <===throwing dart at Mario's picture   <G>
(Bob H.) :)
(:: Mo' ::) Yes, at the larger issues that rob me and lower my living 
           standards
(:: Polly ::) <wondering why Jay *has* a picture of Mario!>
(:: Mo' ::) and make me less able to provide for my family
(Gerald) I can understand that Mo
(:: Mo' ::) and to take good SCUBA trips too <G>
(Gerald) Those things upset me too
(Jay N.) Polly-- you can't help it in NYS... his mug is *everywhere*!
(:: Polly ::) Mo', are you more tolerant of interpersonal things? Like, 
             say, your son being fresh?
(:: Mo' ::) Yes, I am pretty tolerant of things hat don't harm in any way
(:: Polly ::) Those little things are what set me off, and the larger 
             issues, I can deal with in a much more rational manner.
(:: Mo' ::) But I am very harsh with him if i find out he has lied
(:: Mo' ::) Lying is almost a capital offense in my presence
(Jay N.) Oh yes, I forgot liars!   <S>
(:: Polly ::) Oh, yes!  Lies from children are an absolutely forbidden 
             thing in this house!!
(Shelley) did I miss something?
(:: Mo' ::) The few times he has been paddled is because he lied
(:: Polly ::) Shelley, this is a Shyness Workshop Co.... We're discussing 
             anger and how we deal with it.
(Jay N.) Polly-- you mustn't let any politicians nto your house then  <S>
(:: Mo' ::) I am very mellow tonight though
(:: Polly ::) Mo', was that in anger or as a policy?
(Bob H.) I think that shyness can cause someone to lie too in order to 
        avoid confrontation.
(:: Mo' ::) I am getting a full dose of Parrothead music tonight As a 
           policy Polly
(:: Polly ::) Bob, that's true!  And if there's anger involved, then it 
             just festers.
(:: Mo' ::) He knows that if he lies he is punished severely. and I use my 
           fraternity paddle from college
(Shelley) I am very shy initially, but I have no problem expressing my 
         anger, what does that make me?
(:: Polly ::) Balanced, Shelley? <g>
(Jay N.) Hey Mo' -- that would be great at freckle initiations!
(VICTOR V) mind if i listen
(::Mo' ::) <=== Bought $100 of Jimmy Buffett CD's tonight <G>
(:: Polly ::) Not at all, Victor! No wonder you're feeling mellow, Mo!
(Gerald) I haven't heard any buffett in a while
(VICTOR V) mo--why jimmy buffet?
(:: Mo' ::) So I am a Ditto-Head and a Parrot-Head
(VICTOR V) scarry thought!
(:: Mo' ::) He is coming to Houston. $39.50 & $59.50 a little too steep for 
           me
(Jay N.) Only Buffet I know is a Swedish buffet   <g>
(Gerald) I heaR that
(:: Polly ::) So you spent even more than that on the CDs? <g>
(:: Mo' ::) But the CD's I will have forever The concert last for 2 hours 
           at most and I saw him here a couple years ago
(Jay N.) With any luck Mo', your grandkids will still have CD players...
(:: Polly ::) Bob, thanks for being here!  See you next week, perhaps!
(Jay N.) when they grow up...
(Jay N.) those will last a long time.
(:: Mo' ::) I still have an old windup Gramaphone with the 78 RPM records 
           In mint condition
(Gene) Is that you Bill?
(Jay N.) <====sticking head into the gramaphone....
(:: Polly ::) Well, everyone seems to be leaving, I think I'll officially 
             call this Conference over!