AOH :: ANGER1.TXT|
What Makes Us Angry?
In this first of a series of conferences on anger, we discuss what makes us
angry. Some people are angered by large and abstract issues and some by
more personal matters, and most of us by some combination of both. We also
talk about how we deal with our anger.
:: Polly ::) Welcome to Shyness Workshop! How do you react when
you are angry? Do you confront the person with whom you are
angry? What do you *do* with your anger?
(:: Polly ::) Mo', you're a pretty easy-going man in person, but intense in
your messages, do you find that you are angry more in those?
Or is it just the topics?
(Larry G.) I yell a lot, but not necessarily at the person with whom I'm
(:: Polly ::) Larry, why not at the person with whom you're
(:: Mo' ::) Intense messages? Me? You must have me confused with somebody
else <G> I have strong convictions and beliefs but none of those
messages are ever written in anger
(:: Polly ::) Nope, I don't think so! <g>
(:: Mo' ::) If they seem angry you are getting the wrong impression
(:: Polly ::) No, I didn't think that you were angry....
but I thought that if I were you, I might feel angry with all
the opposition you get.
(Larry G.) Hadn't really considered it befor. But I suppose it's a release
mechanism to allow me to deal more constructively with the person
at whom I'm pissed off.
(:: Mo' ::) Perhaps it is bcause I don't mind calling them like I see them.
(:: Polly ::) Larry, how do you (or do you?) explain to
the people you end up yelling at?
(:: Mo' ::) Polly, as you can imagine, it isn't just the people here who
don't agree with me. This is not the first place these
discussions have taken place. I have had lots of practice.
(Larry G.) Often, no explanation is necessary. They are obviously aware
that I'm blowing off steam. When it is needed, or seems to be, I
(:: Polly ::) Larry, do they understand?
(:: Mo' ::) Besides, I prefer to stay calm. Especially when the other
person gets angry. It drives them crazy!!!
(Larry G.) Generally, they seem to.
(:: Polly ::) Mo', that's evil!! <g>
(Larry G.) And it drives them crazy.
(:: Polly ::) Larry, do you have children?
(Larry G.) Two.
(:: Polly ::) So all of us have kids. I find that nobody in the world
can make me angrier than mine can, but no anger evaporates
(:: Mo' ::) You have as many as Larry & I put together, you minx <G>
(Larry G.) Actually, they're both untrained animals. They become children
(:: Polly ::) I think that it's connected with how much I care for them.
What do you think? How old are they, Larry?
(:: Mo' ::) I am finding out that living alone all week gives me a shorter
fuse on weekends. I am not used to interruptions
(Larry G.) Five (going on 22) and 10 (going on 24).
(:: Polly ::) Really, Mo'? That surprises me! You aren't more tolerant?
(:: Mo' ::) I have a 10 year old son, Larry
(:: Polly ::) Larry, <g> Just wait! My oldest just turned 14 -- and
thinks she's older than I am!
(:: Mo' ::) I am very tolerant. But I do snap ( sharp word ) at times
(Larry G.) My son's 10 as well.
(:: Polly ::) And mine is 9 -- we have a little-boy group, here.
(:: Mo' ::) Most of the time I am a real softie, just like I am online
(Larry G.) He's joining the Cub Scouts this eek and goes for his first
campout on Friday. Gets to sleep i
(:: Mo' ::) Like Rush says, " A harmless little fuzzball "
(Larry G.) That'll teach him.
(:: Polly ::) He'll have fun!
(:: Mo' ::) Cub Scouts at 10? Mine just graduated to Boy Scouts
(:: Polly ::) You? Not little at all!
(:: Mo' ::) and went on his first campout a couple weeks ago
(Larry G.) He'll piss in the sleeping bag. Just wait'll I tell him about
(:: Polly ::) I think it's different where you are, Mo' -- Nathan's in Cub
Scouts for at least anoher year, too.
(Stoney <-- was the only man on girl scout (brownie?) camp out some years ago.
(:: Polly ::) Larry, don't!
(Larry G.) Okay. Snakes??
(:: Mo' ::) Sounds like fun Stoney! NOT
(:: Polly ::) Stoney, one of my Girl Scout's father is *essential* on our
camping trips! He brings the tents and teaches them to use
axes and (most important) gets up first and makes coffee
for me and any other adults!
(:: Mo' ::) in other words, PW'd <g,d,r>
(Larry G.) Mo... My kid's a little different. Until eight weeks ago, he
lived in Germany (since he was 14 months old). Cub Scouts are a
(:: Polly ::) I think Stoney was dumped. Larry, that's neat! He'll
probably like it. How's his English?
(:: Mo' ::) He should enjoy the cub scouts. Ian really did.
(Larry G.) Obnoxious.
(:: Polly ::) Obnoxious?
(:: Mo' ::) Is that good or bad?
(Larry G.) As in complete with dirty limericks. Obnoxious.
(:: Polly ::) Oh! As in typical little boy.
(Larry G.) As in he can't wait to visit German and give his little buddies
there the translated versions.
(Larry G.) Actually, Polly, he has two mother tongues. Both his German and
English are completed without accent.
(:: Polly ::) Wow! He's a lucky kid. Is your 5 year old the same?
(Larry G.) She was. Most of her German's gone already. Doesn't take long.
(Larry G.) Although there is one phrase she remembers. She keeps calling
people Dick (German for fat).
(:: Polly ::) Larry, LOL!! That must get her into some spots of trouble!
(Bob H.) I have 5 myself.
(Larry G.) Her?? How about me??
(:: Polly ::) Yeah, you, too!
(:: Polly ::) Bob, you have five children?? You're one of the
few people I know with more than me! (Bob, that is)
(Bob H.) Yeah, 5 of'em. :)
(Bob H.) 4 boys and 1 girl.
(:: Mo' ::) Karen is the oldest of 8, Polly
(:: Mo' ::) 5 Girls and 3 boys
(:: Polly ::) But I don't know Karen's parents, Mo' <g>
(:: Mo' ::) Being the first outsider brought in was very interestin
(:: Polly ::) Jay, how do you react when you are angry? Do you confront the
person with whom you are angry? What do you *do* with your
(:: Mo' ::) That is what got me rid of my shyness I think
(:: Polly ::) Really? Being in that great crowd?
(:: Mo' ::) Plus the first Christmas at the Grandmothers was something
Karen's Mom was the oldest of 5, and they had 8 other grandkids
so 10 aunts and uncles, 16 grandkids, grandmother and me,
(:: Polly ::) All peering at *you*, of course, Mo' <g>
(:: Mo' ::) Polly, I try very hard to control my anger
(:: Mo' ::) As big as I am, if I were to get mad, I could hurt people real
easy without trying
(Steve R.) What is Mo' angry about?
(:: Mo' ::) Of course they were Polly.
(:: Polly ::) One of my brothers is very large, too, and generally he is a
very gentle man, but when he blows up, it can be dangerous.
(:: Mo' ::) Just trying to keep to the subject, Steve
(Steve R.) OK
(:: Mo' ::) That is why I just don't blow up. Plus I have found it never
(:: Polly ::) Steve, are you able to confront people you're angry with, or
do you just keep it in?
(:: Mo' ::) But sometimes I do throw things. Just like Hillary
(Bob H.) I've always had a problem with holding it all in until there isn't
(:: Polly ::) Mo', I agree, it doesn't solve anything, but sometimes we
can't act rationally.
(Jay N.) Mo'-- now don't throw Hillary! <G>
(:: Polly ::) How so, Bob? Do you blow up then?
(Steve R.) Polly 50/50! Then I light a cigarette.
(Bob H.) Thats what used to happen all the time. About every 3-4 weeks or
(:: Mo' ::) Course I am not throwing around expensive White House lamps
(Steve R.) That is really the answer!
(RICHARD STRADINGER) we all need an outlet, something like a pressure
release valve or otherwise we all blowup
(:: Polly ::) Bob, what do you do now that's different? Steve, the
cigarette is the answer? Or the 50/50?
(Steve R.) It was a joke!
(:: Polly ::) Richard, that's true, what do you use? I try to head it off
before I'm *really* angry, if I can by dealing with things
when they're small.
(Gerald) I used to have an awful temper but its all in your outlook
(Bob H.) I've gone for counselling plus I'm on medication thats helped me
(Jay N.) I think anyone can be pushed to some point where they "snap"...
(:: Polly ::) Steve, sorry! I'm dense, I guess!
Bob, that's great!
(Steve R.) When I do become angry I do get compulsive- Food, spending money
I don't have, etc.
(:: Polly ::) How so, Gerald?
(Jay N.) It's just at a different level for each person.
(Bob H.) I still have a problem though with worrying that people will get
mad at me if I get angry.
(:: Polly ::) Jay, what is your level?
(Gerald) well if you take a step back and look at what you are angry
about in the whole scheme of things it's usually pretty trivial
(:: Polly ::) Bob, that's a problem I have with people I don't know well,
(Jay N.) I think it's relatively high these days I just joke about it .
or do some cussing. <S>
(:: Polly ::) Gerald, that takes a lot of self control!
(Bob H.) Sometimes that just makes you keep things inside Polly.
(Gerald) I didn't say it was easy I still lose it now and then
(Bob H.) I guess it has to do with insecurity maybe. I'm working on it.
(Jay N.) Good for you Bob!
(:: Polly ::) What things make you angry?
(Gerald) Who Polly
(Bob H.) Well, I've gotten angry often over my wife's attitude towards the
kids but that a different story.
(:: Polly ::) Sorry, Gerald! That was really directed at everyone. So,
Bob, your anger is at major issues, not little things?
(Gerald) I can't stand human stupidity
(Bob H.) That annoys me too Ger.
(Jay N.) Kids and spouses can be a real problem, Bob <IMHO>
(:: Mo' ::) My major causes of anger are unethical people and government f
(Gerald) Glad I'm not the only one
(:: Polly ::) What do you mean by human stupidity, Gerald and Bob?
(Bob H.) Well, thats one of the reasons I'm separated right now.
(:: Polly ::) Jay, I think so too! Why do you think that is?
(Gerald) THings that are just obviosly dumb
(Jay N.) Mo'-- try NY state.... you can be angry all the time! <G>
(Bob H.) I think there's a difference between ignorance and stupidity. I
can tolerate ignorance.
(:: Mo' ::) No thanks, jay <G>
(Jay N.) We have it all... unethical, stupidity, *and* too much government!
(Gerald) I'm sure you do Jay
(:: Polly ::) Mo', you're different from Gerald and Bob, your anger is at
more universal issues, isn't it?
(:: Mo' ::) That's because they take it all isn't it?
(Jay N.) <===throwing dart at Mario's picture <G>
(Bob H.) :)
(:: Mo' ::) Yes, at the larger issues that rob me and lower my living
(:: Polly ::) <wondering why Jay *has* a picture of Mario!>
(:: Mo' ::) and make me less able to provide for my family
(Gerald) I can understand that Mo
(:: Mo' ::) and to take good SCUBA trips too <G>
(Gerald) Those things upset me too
(Jay N.) Polly-- you can't help it in NYS... his mug is *everywhere*!
(:: Polly ::) Mo', are you more tolerant of interpersonal things? Like,
say, your son being fresh?
(:: Mo' ::) Yes, I am pretty tolerant of things hat don't harm in any way
(:: Polly ::) Those little things are what set me off, and the larger
issues, I can deal with in a much more rational manner.
(:: Mo' ::) But I am very harsh with him if i find out he has lied
(:: Mo' ::) Lying is almost a capital offense in my presence
(Jay N.) Oh yes, I forgot liars! <S>
(:: Polly ::) Oh, yes! Lies from children are an absolutely forbidden
thing in this house!!
(Shelley) did I miss something?
(:: Mo' ::) The few times he has been paddled is because he lied
(:: Polly ::) Shelley, this is a Shyness Workshop Co.... We're discussing
anger and how we deal with it.
(Jay N.) Polly-- you mustn't let any politicians nto your house then <S>
(:: Mo' ::) I am very mellow tonight though
(:: Polly ::) Mo', was that in anger or as a policy?
(Bob H.) I think that shyness can cause someone to lie too in order to
(:: Mo' ::) I am getting a full dose of Parrothead music tonight As a
(:: Polly ::) Bob, that's true! And if there's anger involved, then it
(:: Mo' ::) He knows that if he lies he is punished severely. and I use my
fraternity paddle from college
(Shelley) I am very shy initially, but I have no problem expressing my
anger, what does that make me?
(:: Polly ::) Balanced, Shelley? <g>
(Jay N.) Hey Mo' -- that would be great at freckle initiations!
(VICTOR V) mind if i listen
(::Mo' ::) <=== Bought $100 of Jimmy Buffett CD's tonight <G>
(:: Polly ::) Not at all, Victor! No wonder you're feeling mellow, Mo!
(Gerald) I haven't heard any buffett in a while
(VICTOR V) mo--why jimmy buffet?
(:: Mo' ::) So I am a Ditto-Head and a Parrot-Head
(VICTOR V) scarry thought!
(:: Mo' ::) He is coming to Houston. $39.50 & $59.50 a little too steep for
(Jay N.) Only Buffet I know is a Swedish buffet <g>
(Gerald) I heaR that
(:: Polly ::) So you spent even more than that on the CDs? <g>
(:: Mo' ::) But the CD's I will have forever The concert last for 2 hours
at most and I saw him here a couple years ago
(Jay N.) With any luck Mo', your grandkids will still have CD players...
(:: Polly ::) Bob, thanks for being here! See you next week, perhaps!
(Jay N.) when they grow up...
(Jay N.) those will last a long time.
(:: Mo' ::) I still have an old windup Gramaphone with the 78 RPM records
In mint condition
(Gene) Is that you Bill?
(Jay N.) <====sticking head into the gramaphone....
(:: Polly ::) Well, everyone seems to be leaving, I think I'll officially
call this Conference over!
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